Song for songwriting competition!

[Jonas - Lalaldd]

Hi!

I'm going to join a competition and the song is almost done. It just need a bit more rythm stuff and some mixing. Maybe a bit more tweaking, but I would like to hear you honest opinions

Im not the best singer but it is fun making songs anyways

Here it is:

https://soundcloud.com/jonas-finn-larsson/twenty-five

Also you can't make instrumentals in this competition and thats sucks, but hey singing is fun too! I usualy make instrumentals.

Very nice! If I could offer a suggestion it would be to increase the tempo.

[Jonas - Lalaldd]

Originally Posted by J-Doug

Very nice! If I could offer a suggestion it would be to increase the tempo.

Thank you. I'm redoing the verse because the singing is shaky. And yes the tempo could be faster but I have no inspiration to redo everything haha :P But I will keep this in mind in future songs. Its good advice thanks again

[Glennwillow]

Originally Posted by J-Doug

Very nice! If I could offer a suggestion it would be to increase the tempo.

I liked it, though I tend to agree with Doug that if the tempo were increased you would improve the flow. It's also much easier to sing on pitch if the length or duration of the notes are shortened up some, and increasing the tempo would do that.

If you decide to increase the tempo, it would be interesting to hear the result.

Best of luck Jonas!

- Glenn

[Jonas - Lalaldd]

Originally Posted by Glennwillow

I liked it, though I tend to agree with Doug that if the tempo were increased you would improve the flow. It's also much easier to sing on pitch if the length or duration of the notes are shortened up some, and increasing the tempo would do that.

If you decide to increase the tempo, it would be interesting to hear the result.

Best of luck Jonas!

- Glenn

Thanks for the comment! Yea... i've been working and tweaking this song for a couple of days and well... feels very heavy to re record everything BUT I might do it later, what the heck, it is a challenge that i'll grow from. Still i'm glad you enjoyed it

[Riakstonic]

Can't remember why but I think I heard this before ? Maybe you tube alert anyway from a poormans perspective.... I guess my question is what is the mood your trying to set ? From that move on to the tempo the others mention .

From my side if it's writing from a personal point of view then the tempo is good as is but maybe try to keep the vocal solo no chorus makes it more personal . Excuse my failure in not studying your lyrics so I hope I make sense if not just ask and I can clarify .
Keep at it and good luck

[Jonas - Lalaldd]

Originally Posted by Riakstonic

Can't remember why but I think I heard this before ? Maybe you tube alert anyway from a poormans perspective.... I guess my question is what is the mood your trying to set ? From that move on to the tempo the others mention .

From my side if it's writing from a personal point of view then the tempo is good as is but maybe try to keep the vocal solo no chorus makes it more personal . Excuse my failure in not studying your lyrics so I hope I make sense if not just ask and I can clarify .
Keep at it and good luck

Thanks for commenting! I did the song without overdub but then I thought it sounded a bit weak. So I did overdub and now I also feel it might not be so personal hehe :P Maybe find a balance between them.

[upsidedown]

I don't understand why you knock your singing; it's good!

[Jonas - Lalaldd]

Originally Posted by upsidedown

I don't understand why you knock your singing; it's good!

Thank you! I actually improved my singing while writing this song. It's just that i've always believed I dont have a good singing voice. It still lingers so i'm not so secure with my voice.

But your comment made me more secure

[Jeremy]

I like the song and personally feel the tempo is fine for my taste. The only thing that stuck out to me was the instrumental interludes between sections might be a tad too long. Good luck with the competition!

[Jonas - Lalaldd]

Originally Posted by Jeremy

I like the song and personally feel the tempo is fine for my taste. The only thing that stuck out to me was the instrumental interludes between sections might be a tad too long. Good luck with the competition!

Thanks man! Good advice, might shorten it if it sounds better!

I'm glad you like the tempo, I'm beginning to like it too! People have different taste! Like Sigur Ros has very slow songs.

[Halftone]

Hi Jonas,

The song, words, and guitar playing are fine.

There is nothing wrong with your singing. Any notes you may feel you are having trouble with in that song are certainly in your range.

I feel that I would like to hear a lot more emotion in the playing and singing. Sometimes it is good to sing a song pretending to be angry, sad or happy just to see what style works best. Contrast the singing style between soft and loud, light and heavy.

I feel your song has lots of potential with some emotion behind it.

Regards,

John

[Jonas - Lalaldd]

Originally Posted by Halftone

Hi Jonas,

The song, words, and guitar playing are fine.

There is nothing wrong with your singing. Any notes you may feel you are having trouble with in that song are certainly in your range.

I feel that I would like to hear a lot more emotion in the playing and singing. Sometimes it is good to sing a song pretending to be angry, sad or happy just to see what style works best. Contrast the singing style between soft and loud, light and heavy.

I feel your song has lots of potential with some emotion behind it.

Regards,

John

Yes this is one of the things I want to include. It just that haven't developed the emotion in my singing as much. It sounds a bit robotic, there could be more umph behind it. I'm working on this! lets put some life into my music hehe It is good advice. I thank you!

[Jeremy]

Originally Posted by Jonas - Lalaldd

Thanks man! Good advice, might shorten it if it sounds better!

I'm glad you like the tempo, I'm beginning to like it too! People have different taste! Like Sigur Ros has very slow songs.

Ooooh, I love Sigur Ros. One of my favorite bands and their music is beautiful.