Buying and Selling Guitars. When to get help?

[martingitdave]

So I have shared that buying and selling guitars is an unhealthy addiction for me.

There are a number of steps I am taking - in addition to trying to wean myself from this forum. One of those steps was to make a list of all the guitars I had bought and sold over the last 13 years.

I have a pattern. Each time I experience an existential change or threat in my life (serious stuff and personal tragedy) I soldier on with a positive attitude and don't let anyone see me sweat - on the outside. I conquer the mountain. On the inside, I look for a place to escape and generate dopamine.

I buy and sell guitars.

There were some I simply can't remember the specifics. Of the ones I can remember, I count about 75 guitars.

It has been wholly disruptive to my life, relationships, and my music.

Besides the real toll above, if I assume that I lost $500 to $1,000 on each transaction, then I have spent more than $75,000 on a "collection" of 4 factory standard acoustics and one electric. Of the acoustics I have, I had to buy them twice because of the regret and compulsivity of buying and selling.

Folks, if you're struggling in the same way, it's time to get help. I plan to enjoy my second lease on life.

[Osage]

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I would strongly recommend speaking with a professional therapist. A good one can give you some excellent strategies to help as well as helping you find other ways to process trauma. I've sought therapy in the past and it was literally a life saver.

[skinnerb]

Sorry for your troubles. I haven't bought and sold nearly as many as you, perhaps twenty in the last 15 years or so, but like you, I lose money at each go round, but not so much. I consider it the price of education and that of a mild vice. Every hobby that I know of costs something. I drive an old truck, wear clothes I bought years ago, catch or dig lots of wild protein, so I keep my expenses down to a dull roar. Good luck to us all as we make our way to the end.

[warfrat73]

Originally Posted by martingitdave

It has been wholly disruptive to my life, relationships, and my music.

This right here... the first two, at least, recognition of those is the first step to recovery.

Saying it out loud (or on a message board) helps too.

Lots of options these days for online therapy.

Best of luck.

[Glennwillow]

It's a good lesson for many folks on this forum, Dave.

It seems to me that you are moving in the right direction now. I do hate to see you disappear from this forum, however. At the same time, I understand that this forum tends to throw a lot of temptation at folks.

- Glenn

[catt]

Very generous of you to share your experiences so candidly. Yours can help others gain insight.

[Monty Christo]

Sometimes "retail therapy" backfires and requires its own therapy. Between the forums and the rest of the Internet enablement, it's awfully easy to fall down the rabbit hole.

Best of luck with your recovery.

[Mandobart]

Thanks for sharing your story. From reading this forum for many years I believe there are a few others here who also have an unhealthy obsession/addiction with churning through guitars.

Anything in life can start out normal but morph into something unhealthy. I've seen a lot of posts here that either joke about, normalize, condone or encourage the buy/sell/re-buy frenzy that some pursue. And the wide fuzzy line between "enjoyable hobby" and "unhealthy addiction" easily can vary from one person to another.

I think most of us are adults here and responsible for our own actions, but we should recognize that we may be encouraging unhealthy behavior for some individuals with what we post. We wouldn't encourage compulsive gamblers to go to a casino, or overeaters to go to an all-you-can-eat buffet, or for alcoholics to go to a bar....

[Talk2Me]

Thankfully(??) I guess this is where being so poor comes in handy. No addictions to expensive guitars or drugs/alcohol, etc.

[rmoretti49]

Dave,

As a psychologist, I can tell you that you've taken an important step (accepting that there is a problem) and achieved an important insight (the relationship between existential threat and guitar buying). Now you need to go deeper, and I endorse the suggestion that you try therapy.

Existential threats are the source of so much anxiety (which is momentarily relieved by buying), and these issues are hard to work out on one's own.

I selfishly hope that you will find a way to stay on the forum, for I have enjoyed your contributions. Best wishes to you.

Bob

[slackjaw]

ey martingitdave, in a lot ways I can relate. I've gone through a lot of guitars in my life, and that has been mostly a positive experience, without any real repercussions. As it happens, my wife passed away almost 2 years ago, and since then, I've bought at least a dozen guitars, and have let slip away some stellar guitars as well. I realize I'm doing this lately as a maladaptive coping mechanism to deal with my grieving process and current anhedonia. What used to be exhilarating and fun for me has become a bit of a tawdry emotional affair - buy a guitar, get a buzz for a few days, and quickly come back to the realization that nothing of any substance in my life has changed. Then the guilty feelings set in. It's a cyclical dopamine rush that serves no purpose but to distract and distort. At least I realize what's going on, and it seems like you do, too. Acknowledgment is the first step in turning things around.

[Gordon Currie]

Originally Posted by martingitdave

It has been wholly disruptive to my life, relationships, and my music.

Kudos for posting this. I hope you can move into healthier behavior!

I have dealt with a relative's extreme hoarding issues, and some of the GAS-driven buying/selling behaviors I see remind me of the psychologically unhealthy and devastating results of hoarding.

Often the cycle cannot be broken by 'sheer will power' and an expert will need to assist. I encourage anyone stuck in this type of trap to seek help.

[SRL]

Sorry to hear, but thank you for sharing.

I've struggled with "retail therapy" in the past as well — primarily with camera gear, not guitars. Big credit card balances, etc.

One thing that has helped for me is that I try to do these things when I see a new thing I want:

1) sleep on it - wait until tomorrow and see if I still want it. usually I don't.
2) check my bank account / credit card statement - this always sobers me up
3) go play with what I have first - this is a great cure for GAS
4) after playing what I have, is the new thing really going to be a meaningful upgrade? usually it's not.

I have definitely lost some money on a couple guitars, but a lot less when using this strategy of "cooling off" before I make the purchase. I always start out thinking: "nothing can cool me off, but I'll do it anyway just to prove how much I really want it." But by then end I'm usually cooled off and by the morning I've forgotten all about it. Another good cooling-off tactic that I use is to go for a walk before any major purchase (and leave the phone at home).

Hope that helps anyway. I do agree that talking to others about your problems—whether a trusted friend, a professional, or even your dog—can really help work through things. These include problems of any kind, not just guitars. It helps me put my thoughts and feelings into words, work through them, and get them out of my head so that I can have some peace of mind.

[RP]

Originally Posted by martingitdave

...Folks, if you're struggling in the same way, it's time to get help. I plan to enjoy my second lease on life.

I'm just glad to hear that I'm not alone...

[foxo]

I don’t think my guitar buying has ever got out of control, but I have had some issues with addictions in the past. Gambling was the most recent one I started to develop - I had several decent wins and then a big win and found myself seeking more and more despite not needing the money. It was the adrenaline rush that I sought. Fortunately I managed to nip it in the bud and self-excluded myself from all UK websites using Gamstop, tried to block gambling adverts on Facebook (they still appear annoyingly) and block my bank card from gambling transactions whilst still retaining the bulk of my winnings. I later found out that one of the medications I am on is not to be given to compulsive gamblers - I think that it numbed the effects of losses.

It’s not as easy to self-exclude with guitar buying though, I appreciate that. I think you need to go cold turkey and stop seeking out websites and forums that tempt you. As much as I like AGF, I suspect it may be your kryptonite. The NGD threads are very tempting indeed. I would also avoid Facebook marketplace, Craigslist, eBay, Reverb and the like. Be open with your friends and family that you’re worried about your spending - it would be embarrassing to open up to them and then purchase another guitar.

I wish you the best of luck.