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  #1  
Old 10-13-2019, 11:46 AM
thechariot1x thechariot1x is offline
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Default The end of an engagement: man be careful with a fool

So today I broke up with my fiance of 2 years. She had been unhappy for a while now and I think would've left me if we didn't live together. But I found out yesterday that she's been stepping out for about the last month via explicit text messages and was actually planning to meet one of the guys in person today although she insists she wouldn't be the recipient of anything physically (phrased hopefully ambiguously enough as to not be inappropriate).

In the words of Johnny Winter "man be careful with a fool, you know some day he may get smart."
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Old 10-13-2019, 11:58 AM
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In time you'll realize it wasn't "lost time" - there's always something to learn in this situation be it about yourself, or simply how to analyze romantic love relationships.

I'm 57 and never been married - close a couple times, but thankfully it didn't work out or I would have found myself in a mess down the road.

You've got an empty canvas to paint on - make it something wonderful.

Don't waste too much time on anger, regret or "what if's".
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Old 10-13-2019, 12:00 PM
tbeltrans tbeltrans is offline
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Now THIS is a wonderful sentiment to remember:

"You've got an empty canvas to paint on - make it something wonderful."

...what fitness1 said.

Tony
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Old 10-13-2019, 12:06 PM
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Not everyone is cut out for long term live-in type relationships, marriage or not. I learned pretty late in life that I'm not....
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Old 10-13-2019, 12:26 PM
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I have never understood why people cheat. If you are unhappy, break up and move on. Infidelity is one of the hardest things to deal with in a relationship. Although it may not feel like it now, you dodged a bullet by her showing you who she is now rather than after marriage and kids. Lean on your music. Write some sad songs, dedicate yourself to learning a new song, just anything to take your mind somewhere else. Get the engagement ring back (if there was one) and move on with your life. Somebody better will come into your life later. But for now, concentrate on being the best YOU that you can be.
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Old 10-13-2019, 03:16 PM
thechariot1x thechariot1x is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoneDigger View Post
I have never understood why people cheat. If you are unhappy, break up and move on. Infidelity is one of the hardest things to deal with in a relationship...Somebody better will come into your life later. But for now, concentrate on being the best YOU that you can be.
Yeah I don't either, and we talked about it early on and we both agreed. I guess to be sort of fair she somehow doesn't see this as cheating even though she lied to me and covered it up. But I did just start studying blues. So I have that going for me, which is nice.

Yeah hopefully, for now I'm going to focus on reasons why my guitars are better than my girlfriend.
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Old 10-13-2019, 03:17 PM
thechariot1x thechariot1x is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fitness1 View Post
In time you'll realize it wasn't "lost time" - there's always something to learn in this situation be it about yourself, or simply how to analyze romantic love relationships.

I'm 57 and never been married - close a couple times, but thankfully it didn't work out or I would have found myself in a mess down the road.

You've got an empty canvas to paint on - make it something wonderful.

Don't waste too much time on anger, regret or "what if's".
Thanks, yeah I think it's just gonna take some time; it sucks right now.
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Old 10-13-2019, 03:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BoneDigger View Post
I have never understood why people cheat. If you are unhappy, break up and move on. Infidelity is one of the hardest things to deal with in a relationship. Although it may not feel like it now, you dodged a bullet by her showing you who she is now rather than after marriage and kids. Lean on your music. Write some sad songs, dedicate yourself to learning a new song, just anything to take your mind somewhere else. Get the engagement ring back (if there was one) and move on with your life. Somebody better will come into your life later. But for now, concentrate on being the best YOU that you can be.
Great advice! Best of luck to you! Hang in there.
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Old 10-13-2019, 03:25 PM
Earl49 Earl49 is offline
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Time to channel the hurt into learning this song: "Unanswered Prayers" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GuA5PZx3K4

I remember an especially tough breakup after a couple of intense years, but it would not have worked out well in the long term. A few months later I met my (now) wife. We're coming up on 36 years married soon.
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Old 10-13-2019, 05:10 PM
AmericanEagle AmericanEagle is offline
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I feel your pain.
Hang in there, you will be ok.
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Last edited by AmericanEagle; 10-14-2019 at 06:11 PM.
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Old 10-13-2019, 05:59 PM
H165 H165 is offline
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Quote:
..... my fiance of 2 years
LOL - you may have hit the nail on the head in your opening statement.

Make a nasty blues song out of it, call it good, and look around.....new possibilities are everywhere.
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Old 10-13-2019, 07:21 PM
12barBill 12barBill is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by H165 View Post
LOL - you may have hit the nail on the head in your opening statement.
LOL??? Really? What exactly do you find funny?

As far as the OP, I happen to be going through a similar break up of sorts now, though not engaged. I won't go into personal circumstances but will say I'm sure that I'm older (at the age of 64) and it does suck. Sometimes two people's expectations can differ even though they care deeply for each other. For me, I'm not sure that a 12 bar blues lick brings any answers or comfort, but "unanswered prayers" may be somewhere we can look...
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Old 10-13-2019, 07:26 PM
bill austin bill austin is offline
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https://youtu.be/EE2ysqOYekQ
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  #14  
Old 10-13-2019, 07:27 PM
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Whatever happens, don't allow her to gaslight you or make you feel like "it really wasn't cheating". If she hid those interactions from you then she also knew what she was doing was wrong. Also, whatever she confessed to is probably 1/10th of what she actually did. Look up the term "trickle truth". Either way, it really doesn't matter now. You will get through this. You, your guitar(s), family, and friends, it's all you need for now!
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Old 10-15-2019, 05:23 AM
rmp rmp is offline
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Sorry to hear of your troubles.

Hang in there, time is a great healer. She wasn't the one.
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