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  #61  
Old 06-08-2020, 05:12 PM
AmericanEagle AmericanEagle is offline
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Well, the time is getting closer. Big meeting June 26th. Me and my lawyer, and her and hers. A virtual meeting thanks to the pandemic. May make it a bit easier on me.
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  #62  
Old 06-08-2020, 05:24 PM
MrDB MrDB is offline
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The process is almost always a blood pressure raiser. But you will get through it. When it's finally over it will be like a 100 lb weight lifted off of you.
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  #63  
Old 06-09-2020, 09:46 AM
Neil K Walk Neil K Walk is offline
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Originally Posted by AmericanEagle View Post
My stepson, her first son, no longer talks to her. She ruined that relationship.
Our own son together, who just turned 18, still gets along with his mom, but
also hates it when she drinks. And he has told me he wants to live with me if we split up. Years ago I removed all alcohol from the house. Since then she’s been sneaking it in. We tried an intervention and it failed.
Sorry for the late response. The way I see it, things should turn out fine once she’s gone, the papers are signed and you’re no longer financially responsible for her. From what it sounds like she loves booze and enablers more then you. If she has two adult sons willing to cut ties with her that should speak volumes toward her character in front of the judge.

As for your 18 year old, sorry to make this sound callous but as as I just said he’s an adult now. Is he going to college or embarking on any type of career or do you plan on keeping him on as a boarder/company? Given the pandemic I would assume that work or college are still up in the air until things are under control.
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  #64  
Old 06-09-2020, 06:05 PM
Jcamp Jcamp is offline
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Up to you to decide if it’s worth salvaging but I’d recommend a marriage counselor on top of your personal therapist. If you wife is willing to go I’m sure it’ll b much cheaper than lawyers. Also if not involved in one I highly recommend getting involved in a good church. They can offer u all support.
There is also Al-anon that is for family/spouses of folks with drinking issues.
Hope you all can work it out, sounds like your wife is a nice lady aside from the alcohol. Be better for all of you if that could get under control and you guys build a better life and family.
Perhaps if she’s willing to give it a go put a time line on it and if things improve stick with it and if they don’t just call it.
Good luck
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  #65  
Old 06-09-2020, 07:38 PM
AmericanEagle AmericanEagle is offline
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Up to you to decide if it’s worth salvaging but I’d recommend a marriage counselor on top of your personal therapist. If you wife is willing to go I’m sure it’ll b much cheaper than lawyers. Also if not involved in one I highly recommend getting involved in a good church. They can offer u all support.
There is also Al-anon that is for family/spouses of folks with drinking issues.
Hope you all can work it out, sounds like your wife is a nice lady aside from the alcohol. Be better for all of you if that could get under control and you guys build a better life and family.
Perhaps if she’s willing to give it a go put a time line on it and if things improve stick with it and if they don’t just call it.
Good luck
Too late for salvage. She walked-out on us well over a year ago. She had me served divorce papers, and we are in the middle of a divorce. My wife has always refused counseling of any kind, whether together or alone.
I did find a really nice small new local church, and they have been supportive. I also am very involved in Al-Anon, and they too have been very supportive. My estranged wife chose alcohol over family. We are done.
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  #66  
Old 06-09-2020, 09:15 PM
Dirk Hofman Dirk Hofman is offline
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Too late for salvage. She walked-out on us well over a year ago. She had me served divorce papers, and we are in the middle of a divorce. My wife has always refused counseling of any kind, whether together or alone.
I did find a really nice small new local church, and they have been supportive. I also am very involved in Al-Anon, and they too have been very supportive. My estranged wife chose alcohol over family. We are done.
Well said. I don’t want to presume I know you, but from what I’ve read here you’ve come a fair way and seem in a better place since this all started. I know it’s still got to be difficult but from the outside it’s good to see you working your way through it. Stay strong. You’re doing it.
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  #67  
Old 06-10-2020, 04:01 AM
buddyhu buddyhu is offline
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It is hellish to be in a close relationship with an active alcoholic. Sorry that you are going through this. But, it sounds like she is a serious alcoholic...and you have no other choice than to extricate yourself from the entanglement, and to pursue your own health and recovery. It sounds like you are on the right path. One foot in front of the other, and one day you will reach your destination. Wishing you the very best!
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  #68  
Old 06-10-2020, 05:45 AM
AmericanEagle AmericanEagle is offline
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Thank you Dirk and Rich.
One day at a time for me, but I’ll make it.
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  #69  
Old 06-10-2020, 10:28 AM
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golfreggie golfreggie is offline
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Too late for salvage. She walked-out on us well over a year ago. She had me served divorce papers, and we are in the middle of a divorce. My wife has always refused counseling of any kind, whether together or alone.
I did find a really nice small new local church, and they have been supportive. I also am very involved in Al-Anon, and they too have been very supportive. My estranged wife chose alcohol over family. We are done.
You have taken some positive steps to recovery. And as an attender at Al-anon you are learning that recovery is a process to a better you.
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  #70  
Old 06-10-2020, 11:15 AM
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Thank you Dirk and Rich.
One day at a time for me, but I’ll make it.
Hang in there man. We've gotten into it a couple times because I don't pull for your football team, but I'm pulling for you. Stay strong...

-Ray
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  #71  
Old 06-10-2020, 11:41 AM
AX17609 AX17609 is offline
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I totally agree that divorce is one of the most emotionally wrenching experiences a person will ever endure. I've been thru it. Half the guys on this forum have been thru it. NONE of us would ever look forward to doing it again. It is a nightmare.

However, when lawyers meet lawyers and a judge oversees the process, it is ultimately a contract dispute. You are dissolving a corporation. It is critical to view it in that light, or you will get crushed by the other side. I've seen too many guys go into the critical stages thinking that everyone is going to be pals only to discover that the other side doesn't just want to win, they want to take prisoners.

You must view these emotionally charged negotiations dispassionately. That's why you have a lawyer.

Last edited by Kerbie; 06-25-2020 at 04:28 PM. Reason: Removed comment on mod action
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  #72  
Old 06-10-2020, 12:01 PM
Glennwillow Glennwillow is offline
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Hi American Eagle,

I am pulling for you, but I am sorry, too, that you are having to go through this painful process of divorce. Nobody goes through a first divorce unscathed.

From your posts here it sounds like you are doing all the right things to be responsive to your own needs and the needs of your sons.

As the post above notes, however, I do hope you can harden yourself for the end of the contract stage with the lawyers.

Take care AE!

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  #73  
Old 06-10-2020, 12:06 PM
rmp rmp is offline
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this has been a sad thread. My brother in-law is still going through this too. It will be two years in a few weeks that this all started.

"she" has dragged in on needlessly, he just wanted a peaceful resolution after she walked out on him (hooked up with a high school boyfriend).

she's trying to take everything in the process, which isn't going to happen in the state we live in never mind what she did to bring this about.

The COVID shut down pushed it out even more... he's a mess with just wanting this to end.

Wishing you some peace AE.
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  #74  
Old 06-15-2020, 09:53 AM
Neil K Walk Neil K Walk is offline
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this has been a sad thread. My brother in-law is still going through this too. It will be two years in a few weeks that this all started.

"she" has dragged in on needlessly, he just wanted a peaceful resolution after she walked out on him (hooked up with a high school boyfriend).

she's trying to take everything in the process, which isn't going to happen in the state we live in never mind what she did to bring this about.

The COVID shut down pushed it out even more... he's a mess with just wanting this to end.

Wishing you some peace AE.
My brother in law went through this a couple of years ago and his ex dragged it on for two years, often cutting off her own nose to spite her face. It was very stressful and nearly ruined his life. He lost the house, lost his job, and even had to leave the state to recover from the emotional and physical and financial strain it took upon him. It broke him in ways that I had never seen. What was worse was that he had two daughters who became pawns in the game.

Two years later he’s living in Florida and has a wonderful girlfriend (who he met on a dating site btw) who does not make him jump through flaming hoops like his ex did for almost 20 years. He’s still financially challenged but his eldest is about to turn 18 so that should ease things. I’m happy for him. I just hope he doesn’t remarry.
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  #75  
Old 06-15-2020, 10:16 AM
jklotz jklotz is offline
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Not sure I can add anything to this thread that hasn't already been said. Just wanted to say I feel for you, and am wishing you the best. Judging by this thread, you seem to have a lot of friends here. That has to help on some level, no?
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