I Think This Has Potential

[bobc]

I just started writing this song tonight and have 2 verses so far. I'm not sure but I think this song has potential...

Let me know what you think. It's gonna be titled... "Captured"...

Click Here To Listen


~lyrics~

silent whispers
candle light
starry sky
moon lit night
aukward moments
hopes and fears
feelings captured in a tear

playful laughter
funny grin
feel your breath
it warms my skin
speacial moments
just like this
moments captured in a kiss

[66strummer]

Hi Bob....

I think it has potential. I'm far from a song writer, so my opinion may be nothing more than just that..... I'm thinking you should throw some kind of a chorus in between those first 2 verses to break up the monontany. Could be a real nice song with some added touches IMO. Hope that helps a bit..... BTW, Bob.....Nice vocals!

Ryan

[Bern]

Interesting feel...i think, the chord structure holds some additional possibilities.
Bobby, you may turn into the Leonard Cohen of the AGF...

[Marshall]

I like the song a lot when you start singing. The pickup is too crunchy for my likes. I almost turned it off before you started singing. Why not put a mic on that guitar ?

[bobc]

I updated the recording and changed the lyrics to...

quiet whispers
candle light
starry sky
moon lit night
awkward feelings
hopes and fears
feelings captured in a tear

playful laughter
funny grin
feel your breath
it warms my skin
special moments
just like this
moments captured in a kiss

[Marshall]

I like the way the last line of each verse introduces a new meter to the melody.

Musically that gives that line heightened importance.

Your "Moments" lyric does a good job of concluding each verse with a similar conclusion.

But you ought to be thinking where you want to go with this (if you're not already). The song has a nice reflective melancholy feel. And the lyrics are surfing along on top those feelings. but at some point, the song has to go somewhere; tell some story. The listener wants to get some juicy tidbit to draw them in. Who are they? What's going on? Why should I care about them? What's in it for me?

Oh course that's just me talking. There ae a hell of a lot of mindless tunes that have made millions. So, you can take or leave what I have to say.

My advice plus a token will get you a bus ride.

[rmyAddison]

Bob,

Your singng has really improved since your first posts, but I gotta be honest I can't get past the guitar sound (not your playing), it's sharp and brittle and full of "quack".

Marshall was being more polite but he is right. I do a lot of sound when I am not playing, hopefully I know a little. That song would be so much warmer if you miked the guitar, it would transform.

You had a post about EQ before, I don't know if you've done any experimenting or not, but your guitar sound on that recording is not doing you any favors, and I listen through pro level studio monitors and sub.

I'm trying to give you helpful constructive criticism, sure had my share in over 40 years of playing, and when I was smart and it came from a good source I listened. Tone is easy to fix, it isn't a personal attack on you or your playing. I know absolutely any recording engineer would tell you the same thing.

Try miking or working with your electronics and EQ, your songs are worth it.

[bobc]

Originally Posted by Marshall

I like the song a lot when you start singing. The pickup is too crunchy for my likes. I almost turned it off before you started singing. Why not put a mic on that guitar ?

Originally Posted by rmyAddison

Bob,

Your singng has really improved since your first posts, but I gotta be honest I can't get past the guitar sound (not your playing), it's sharp and brittle and full of "quack".

Marshall was being more polite but he is right. I do a lot of sound when I am not playing, hopefully I know a little. That song would be so much warmer if you miked the guitar, it would transform.

You had a post about EQ before, I don't know if you've done any experimenting or not, but your guitar sound on that recording is not doing you any favors, and I listen through pro level studio monitors and sub.

I'm trying to give you helpful constructive criticism, sure had my share in over 40 years of playing, and when I was smart and it came from a good source I listened. Tone is easy to fix, it isn't a personal attack on you or your playing. I know absolutely any recording engineer would tell you the same thing.

Try miking or working with your electronics and EQ, your songs are worth it.

This is good advice and I'm sure I could tweek the guitar to get a better sound, but my main focus right now is on the song itself. I just wanted to record it quickly before I lost the feeling of it. I don't know how many times that something good came to me and I did not record it (thinking I could do it later), and was never able to remember it again.

That being said, I also think this guitar is the best sounding guitars I've owned as far as plugged in sound goes. The recording was made with the EQ set flat, so yes, I could have cut the mids a little and mellowed the sound out, but as I said... I just wanted to record the song quickly and did not even realy think about the guitar at the time.

Thank you both for your comments on the song.

[66strummer]

Try it with an instrument mic. It's tough to get rid of the electric sound, even with a really good pickup. My advice FWIW.....

Ryan