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  #31  
Old 05-18-2019, 04:09 PM
Gabby84 Gabby84 is offline
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This post will be moved. but its time I put down the Booze. 12 steps dosent work for me any advice fellow pickers? sorry to even have to post this.


Even if the 12 steps aren’t for you, staying sober is really a minute/hour/day at a time. I’ve been sober 29 years. Plan on reaching 30 years on June 24th.


In addition to SMART recovery-there’s Refuge Recovery. A friend of mine attends and prefers it over AA.


If you’re a professional-doctor, lawyer, nurse, trades, there are sober support groups. If you wish to PM me, feel free. I get how tough it is to get and stay sober.
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  #32  
Old 05-18-2019, 04:11 PM
Gabby84 Gabby84 is offline
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This post will be moved. but its time I put down the Booze. 12 steps dosent work for me any advice fellow pickers? sorry to even have to post this.


Also, no need to apologize for asking for help! For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you for doing so, it’s tough to ask for help.
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  #33  
Old 05-18-2019, 06:53 PM
ahorsewithnonam ahorsewithnonam is offline
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No advice to offer, but the faith of a stranger, human-to-human.

Rooting for you to have all the strength, courage and support you need as you go through this.

Getting there will be worth the fight - but more importantly know that you are worth it too.
This is my message as well. know that we are all here backing you.
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  #34  
Old 05-18-2019, 09:38 PM
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I’m currently reading Joseph Miller’s new book, US of AA: How the Twelve Steps Hijacked the Science of Alcoholism. Miller’s been working on it for several years now.

Miller isn’t really condemning the 12 steps, just trying to suggest that our thinking about addiction treatments could be less monolithic. He and I are friends, so I read some of the earlier drafts. Impressive work.
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  #35  
Old 05-19-2019, 12:47 AM
Cabarone Cabarone is offline
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Big props to you for coming forward as you did...the first step is always admission...

I made all kinds of deals w/myself but nothing of my own design worked... 25 years or so now, I believe...

As has been said already, we're behind you, brother. One day, one hour, one temptation at a time...

Feel free to PM me and we can talk at length...

Last edited by Kerbie; 05-19-2019 at 02:22 AM. Reason: Removed prohibited topic
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  #36  
Old 05-19-2019, 06:25 AM
Murphy Slaw Murphy Slaw is offline
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I'm almost 10 years sober, right at 20 years clean, and about 11 years cigarette free.

Didn't use any program, just realized it was "time".

Some of us grew up in a different World and those things were normal. Looking back it seems very strange, the life I lived.

I have a friend who goes to meetings and stuff and it's worked for him.

Best of luck.
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  #37  
Old 05-19-2019, 03:33 PM
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You just took the first of many steps to recovery. Keep putting 1 foot in front of the other and be sure you have someone to support you and be there for your struggles.
Scott

Last edited by Kerbie; 05-19-2019 at 04:46 PM.
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  #38  
Old 05-19-2019, 04:45 PM
Floridapicker Floridapicker is offline
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well thanks everyone for the support. Ive weened down from a fifth and a 12 pack per day to maybe a 6 pack monday or tues I'm gonna put it down. I feel it'll be less of a shock to my system. Following that I'll be going to a local meeting. Thanks for all the support everyone!
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  #39  
Old 05-19-2019, 07:41 PM
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Keep at it picker, you're worth it and I hope you are feeling all the support here. I celebrated 30 years of sobriety last december and am with those who have given you good suggestions.

Regarding 12 step programs, perhaps try some different meetings as each has a certain personality based on those that call it their home group. Find one that's a good fit and keep coming back.

A combination of personal therapy and Celebrate Recovery groups have been a miracle for me, but you will find your way.

Please continue to use the support of this forum, knowing that many of us have been right where you are today.
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  #40  
Old 05-20-2019, 02:03 AM
Bunnyf Bunnyf is offline
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Picker. I’m right there with you. I’m a reserved, private person and a “program” is something I’m really averse to. I started drinking fairly heavily 20 years ago and quite heavily 11 years ago, when I retired and no longer had work responsibilities. Despite falls and blackouts, I kept telling myself that I just needed to cut back. I would bargain with myself, setting rules like “just 2 drinks” or “just not every day” and always broke those rules. With no particular precipitous event, on my 66th birthday, just six days ago, I decided, like you, that enough was enough and I just stopped. So far so good. It has not been easy but it has helped to stay very busy. I have been playing as much as my fingers will allow, changing strings, sorting setlists, whatever I can do to keep occupied. I applaud your courage to try getting out to a meeting. You have my best wishes.
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  #41  
Old 05-20-2019, 12:37 PM
Guitars+gems Guitars+gems is offline
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Picker. I’m right there with you. I’m a reserved, private person and a “program” is something I’m really averse to. I started drinking fairly heavily 20 years ago and quite heavily 11 years ago, when I retired and no longer had work responsibilities. Despite falls and blackouts, I kept telling myself that I just needed to cut back. I would bargain with myself, setting rules like “just 2 drinks” or “just not every day” and always broke those rules. With no particular precipitous event, on my 66th birthday, just six days ago, I decided, like you, that enough was enough and I just stopped. So far so good. It has not been easy but it has helped to stay very busy. I have been playing as much as my fingers will allow, changing strings, sorting setlists, whatever I can do to keep occupied. I applaud your courage to try getting out to a meeting. You have my best wishes.
Social isolation, or maybe being a "reserved, private person," is actually a hallmark of addiction/alcoholism. Keeping yourself busy so that you won't drink is likely to be about as effective as your "just 2 drinks" approach. The underlying issues that you were using alcohol to escape from haven't magically evaporated just because you put down the bottle 6 days ago. You need to confront those issues and find a way to cope with them. Otherwise, the pain will eventually be too much to bear, and you will drink again. I speak from experience.

It's good that you've gotten past that "I'll just drink on weekends" phase. Now give yourself a chance to really feel good by getting some help. My suggestion is to get yourself some therapy. If not in AA or one of the other recovery groups, get some one on one therapy. If you are shy you can call a local helpline and talk to someone anonymously.

Life is beautiful and the rewards of sobriety are rich. You've got an opportunity to win all the prizes at the fair. Don't miss the chance!
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  #42  
Old 05-20-2019, 01:26 PM
Gabby84 Gabby84 is offline
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you're very smart to wean yourself off of the alcohol.

Not to be an alarmist, but to make sure you take care of yourself-please read the following:

IF you feel sick, shaking, etc. get to an ER or call for an ambulance ASAP. Alcohol withdrawal is no joke and can cause seizures, deliurum tremens (which is NOT the "shakes").

Quote:
Originally Posted by Floridapicker View Post
well thanks everyone for the support. Ive weened down from a fifth and a 12 pack per day to maybe a 6 pack monday or tues I'm gonna put it down. I feel it'll be less of a shock to my system. Following that I'll be going to a local meeting. Thanks for all the support everyone!
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  #43  
Old 05-20-2019, 01:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Guitars+gems View Post
Social isolation, or maybe being a "reserved, private person," is actually a hallmark of addiction/alcoholism. Keeping yourself busy so that you won't drink is likely to be about as effective as your "just 2 drinks" approach. The underlying issues that you were using alcohol to escape from haven't magically evaporated just because you put down the bottle 6 days ago. You need to confront those issues and find a way to cope with them. Otherwise, the pain will eventually be too much to bear, and you will drink again. I speak from experience.

It's good that you've gotten past that "I'll just drink on weekends" phase. Now give yourself a chance to really feel good by getting some help. My suggestion is to get yourself some therapy. If not in AA or one of the other recovery groups, get some one on one therapy. If you are shy you can call a local helpline and talk to someone anonymously.

Life is beautiful and the rewards of sobriety are rich. You've got an opportunity to win all the prizes at the fair. Don't miss the chance!
You are absolutely correct the underlying issues do not magically disappear with the stopping imbibing 6 days ,6 months ,or 6 years . And absolutely confronting them and objectively and honestly recognizing what they actually are, is paramount. However " alcohol related Social isolation" is a completely different animal, and should not be confused with being reserved, or private, or not wanting to participate in a program . The idea that addressing those issues is usually the key to being successful is spot on. The notion that doing so requires outside help is not. The solution is only generally universal and never monolithic.




Speaking from my experience, far to often the 12 step program (at least the three I am aware of ) are very monolithic in perspective and while claiming and perhaps trying to help address those issues , end up unintentionally facilitating far to many participants to simply substitute the compulsion and dependency for the program, for the compulsion and dependency to drink, and thus allowing them to never really escape the cycle of dependency, and objectively confront and change those underlying contributory issues. Which I am guessing is a significant part of the high failure rate nationwide of the 12 step program .
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Last edited by KevWind; 05-20-2019 at 01:35 PM.
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  #44  
Old 05-20-2019, 02:35 PM
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Good luck doesn't seem fitting so I'll simply say good work because that's what it'll take. I've known many addicted (near retirement military personnel) who would not take the first step. You have and that's the first part of the good work you're going to do for yourself.
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  #45  
Old 05-20-2019, 04:38 PM
Guitars+gems Guitars+gems is offline
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Originally Posted by KevWind View Post
You are absolutely correct the underlying issues do not magically disappear with the stopping imbibing 6 days ,6 months ,or 6 years . And absolutely confronting them and objectively and honestly recognizing what they actually are, is paramount. However " alcohol related Social isolation" is a completely different animal, and should not be confused with being reserved, or private, or not wanting to participate in a program . The idea that addressing those issues is usually the key to being successful is spot on. The notion that doing so requires outside help is not. The solution is only generally universal and never monolithic.




Speaking from my experience, far to often the 12 step program (at least the three I am aware of ) are very monolithic in perspective and while claiming and perhaps trying to help address those issues , end up unintentionally facilitating far to many participants to simply substitute the compulsion and dependency for the program, for the compulsion and dependency to drink, and thus allowing them to never really escape the cycle of dependency, and objectively confront and change those underlying contributory issues. Which I am guessing is a significant part of the high failure rate nationwide of the 12 step program .
I said social isolation is a hallmark, or symptom, of addiction/alcoholism. It absolutely is. There is a lot of shame connected with addiction. Isolating from other people so they won't find out is protective of the self and protective of the addiction. Loneliness provides another excuse to use.

Your ability to move past your addiction without any outside help is wonderful and amazing and I'm sincerely happy for you. Your experience is just that - your experience. It's not been my experience. I don't know how deep your addiction was, but mine was very deep and moving toward death. That's where trying to fix it myself got me; it got me into a completely disarrayed life and close to death. So I can say without reservation that AA saved my life. I doubt I'd have stopped drinking without it because I wouldn't have lived long enough to find my way out of the mess. It's been 34 years. And I have sat in too many AA meetings and listened to the stories of people who moved, by way of the 12 steps, from degradation and hopelessness to joyful, productive lives, to ever try and dissuade someone from not trying the steps, or to suggest that they won't help. A recovery program is no more monolithic than you allow it to be. Even so, a monolithic approach may what's needed for some people. Who am I to judge?

Now, I will admit that I haven't been to a meeting in years. I no longer think of myself first and foremost as an alcoholic. Some people need to remind themselves of their alcoholism constantly in order to keep sober. That hasn't been necessary for me. I know that I can't drink, and it doesn't matter because I have no desire to, but my identity is not that I'm an alcoholic. That's just a peripheral fact. I am a flawed human being. My work on myself never ends, and it goes beyond the 12 steps. But one thing I know for sure; those steps were a lifeline for me, and an excellent roadmap to get me started on a healing path. There is a saying in AA, "It works if you work it." And I believe that's true. The failure rate you spoke of, and I saw many failures over the years, I believe can be attributed to a simple lack of commitment. The work is hard. Getting drunk is easy.

Understand, I don't think AA is the only path to recovery. I think it's one path. But it's a good one that I recommend from personal experience. People are at their best when they're helping other people. Or allowing themselves to be helped by others. One person just needs a leg up, another needs to be lifted entirely and set in the saddle. It's okay. We just need to take the reins when we get there.
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