living with mental illness

[RP]

Originally Posted by J-Doug

...I have accepted that I will spend the rest of my life medicated and fortunately the medication has turned my life around. But I am ashamed of my illness and society's attitude towards people like me does not help with that...

If you are doing the best that you can given the hand that life has dealt you then you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I just hope that your perceived shame doesn't come from what you believe is society's perceived attitude. Look around and you might see a lot of mentally healthy people leading happy and successful lives, but that's often not the situation once you go behind closed doors. Medications have also turned my life around, and I don't give it a second thought.

I was humiliated and intimidated by a former manager who found out I was ill. He claimed I was danger to others because I'm bipolar so yeah I know firsthand how the mentally ill are treated and have very good reasons why I keep this to myself and feel ashamed.

[RP]

Originally Posted by J-Doug

I was humiliated and intimidated by a former manager who claimed I was danger to others because I'm bipolar so yeah I know firsthand how the mentally ill are treated.

Are you forming your self-image based on the inappropriate and illegal actions of one individual? He doesn't speak for me or society. Being a "manager" means little to nothing. I once worked at a Lowes where the store manager was sued and fired for racist remarks made toward an Indian (not Native American) department head. Another zone manager is now doing life for murdering his wife, a kindergarten teacher at the time. I had a boss who fired me for supposedly leaving work at 3:55 and signing out at 4 PM. I appealed my termination and was reinstated with backpay. The boss in question was fired as a result. My locus of control is internal, and nobody tells me how I should feel about myself...

[Pura Vida]

My mom is bi-polar (with other complexities), and she suffered a significant setback last winter, when her medication was discontinued and she was stopped taking her new medicine cold turkey. Without going into all the details, we had a difficult 2-3 months, managing her recovery from 3000 miles away, which was hampered by her shame over her condition.

IMHO, behavior health should be treated the same as physical health, in terms of public acceptance. If someone has high cholesterol or blood pressure, we provide them with the appropriate treatment, including medication and lifestyle adjustments, to enable them to life a healthy life, whether they are able to overcome the illness or simply treat it. Psychological disorders should be no different. We should provide the patient with the medical and lifestyle tools they need to live a healthy life without any reservations or stigma attached.

J-Doug, you're not alone. There are millions of people out there with some level of behavioral health disorder, whether it's bipolar, anxiety, depression, etc. As a society, we should always be supportive of each other, not bringing others down.

[AmericanEagle]

J-Doug, I can relate.
I have an anxiety disorder, a depressive disorder, and a panic disorder.
I’ve been in counseling for years, and am on medication as well.
For a long time I too hid my issues, but now openly talk about them.
I am no longer embarrassed. This is who I am, and I am working hard to better myself.

[The Bard Rocks]

I just finished a book about a good friend who had undiagnosed bi-polar disorder. This was 1975 when it was just becoming known. It cost him his life and I do not want - ever - to see that happen again. It's needless - society needs to understand someone with such a disorder is no worse than someone with a cold, or whatever - only it lasts so much longer. If we'd only try to understand and accept, those affected would have a better time of a life that's hard enough without out us making it harder. Making someone feel ashamed should have no part in our society and it only reflects poorly upon the healthy if they do that.

[SoCalSurf]

Ashamed or not, you are brave as hell for opening up such a dialogue. The stigma about mental health is hopefully rapidly diminishing and I sure hope somebody that you can fully love yourself for who you are.

[XYRN]

I appreciate your post and am another one that has had a fair share of mental struggles, currently the depression is at bay but the anxiety is a daily companion.

I am heartened though that it seems like the stigma surrounding mental health issues is lessening, at least in my circles.

Working in healthcare there is more openness and encouragement to talk about stuff, I'm sure that's not true in all occupational settings.

Glad you are here;

[Cabarone]

J Doug, God bless you for having the courage and trust to share w/us...

A huge part of the problem is the stigma and mistreatment that comes from people who don't understand...it brought tears to my eyes when I read you were ashamed...you can't help it, bro, it's not your fault or failure!!! As tragic as his death was, Robin Williams taking his own life at least got folks talking...for a minute...there has to be open, honest dialogue...

I deal w/depression...when I feel it settling in I realize it but don't feel worthy to do anything about it...it's like a black hole that sucks you in and then you feel like you don't deserve anything better...it's cost me friendships and a marriage and stolen a lot of my life...

Not trying to make this about me, man, just reaching back out...read all these posts again; you're not alone in this...

[Mr. Jelly]

I don't intend to sound flippant though this will sound that way. The problem is people want to believe they do not have mental and emotional issues. And we all do in varying degrees. Many can't go there and fight for their denial.

Thank you guys for all of the comments and support.

[guitar george]

Reading these posts made me think of this beautiful song. Hope it's appropriate.

[Jim Owen]

Hi Doug,

Hang in there. Most of us are touched by mental illness in some way—if we are lucky enough to be relatively stable, chances are, we’ve got close friends and/or family whose daily lives are struggles.

[Kh1967]

Originally Posted by J-Doug

Hi guys,

I wanted to share my experience in hope of opening a dialog. I grew up the victim of an abusive household and my mother died when I was 15 so I suffered the consequences of those realities. By the time I hit my mid-thirties, despite having my life together in a visible sense, the wheels started to fall off internally. I became very ill, was hospitalized and eventually was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I have accepted that I will spend the rest of my life medicated and fortunately the medication has turned my life around. But I am ashamed of my illness and society's attitude towards people like me does not help with that. Outside of my family and my closest friends no one knows.

So if you suffer please know that I am there with you.

My mom was bipolar and was simply the best human I ever knew, and probably ever will. She was religious about taking her meds and it made all the difference - she ate well and took good care of herself, too.

As my mom accepted her disease, she talked openly about it like you are doing. It helped her tremendously and it helped those around her.

Being bipolar is not a “lifestyle” choice. It’s a chemical imbalance in the brain and it is as real as any other illness...just like cancer, or diabetes.

Keep talking, my friend. The stigma only subsides with conversation and education. The world has a long way to go with it’s lack of understanding.

I wish you all the best. If I can ever be of help, I am just a PM away.

[Silly Moustache]

Originally Posted by J-Doug

Thank you guys for all of the comments and support.

Hi again, have you ever thought, that whilst you have times when you are fine and other times when you are afflicted by this "condotion" - what is "normal" ?

All those people in the street, if offices, factories, in other lands under the ever present trat of warfare, and in places that are lacking basic necessities - how do they feel?
Are they, can they, possibly, be "normal?

There was a documentary series on men who had served in the British SAS - special Air Service. They do covert military work, I guess there is an American equivalent.
One big tough, intelligent chap said something that stays with me ...he said

"there is no such thing as an uninjured soldier!"

That struck me. We all have bad experiences - bad family life, poverty, for me it was in pre-school / prep school (age 4-6 or 7) where I was punished, beaten and humiliated for my crime - I was (and still am, LEFT HANDED!)
My parents were lovely, and caring but simply could not understand that I was suffering this treatment at school, and why I became so scared of going.

I was far more traumatised than I realised until adulthood. I'm sure it instigated my reaction to certain types of pressure, not least overly close management.

When I look back my anxiety and depression was usually triggered by being given a job/task, and perfectly able to do the job but overly controlled, restricted, directed by those in a superior position.

The last time this happened was when I as in a relatively senior management position with a well developed auditable process which was exceeding in all aspects was put under a "manager" whose previous experience was managing call centres. He bullied me, demeaned my process which he refused to understand, and even monitored me "time" (!) as if I was a junior.
In the end I went off sick.
They wrote to me asking for access to my medical records.
I refused but offered to write a document explaining my condition and the cause.
After six weeks I returned expecting to pick up my things and get my P45 (tax document).

The CEO called me to his office and APOLOGISED! and asked me to stay on the basis of a non monitored work schedule, working in the office, at home and/or with my clients as I wished.

The "manager" was like a beaten dog, trying to make friends with me. I didn't reject or demean him, but I had the upper hand and he knew it. I think he learned a lot, but not until he had caused a significant loss of staff, as some other fine professionals took early retirement or simply walked out.

then they hired another nasty piece of work and I was out, but fortunately I got head hunted by a partner organisation.
So, that that off my chest, but the moral ?

Being ashamed, of keeping things secret doesn't help.
Be proud of what/who you are and your skills and personality.
Fight antagonism, but not in a reactive way, in a mature way.
Easy to say huh? But it can be done.