The Acoustic Guitar Forum

Go Back   The Acoustic Guitar Forum > Other Discussions > Open Mic

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 04-25-2017, 03:25 PM
Charmed Life Picks's Avatar
Charmed Life Picks Charmed Life Picks is offline
AGF Sponsor
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 9,032
Default Best Guitarist or Musician Jokes

There was a thread a year or two ago that went on and on with a lot of great musician jokes, so I'd love to get one going again.

I'll start with a coupla old standards:

Q: What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
A) Homeless

Q: What do you call a hundred banjo players at the bottom of the sea?
A: A good start

Have at it -- but keep it clean!

scott memmer
__________________
CHARMED LIFE PICKS
[email protected]
Celebrating Seven Years in Business!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 04-25-2017, 03:30 PM
Jambi Jambi is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: A place
Posts: 1,073
Default

Good thing you have a 'joke' disclaimer in the title.

__________________
Why would you be reading a signature when there's so much V-Brace stuff to talk about?

Last edited by Jambi; 04-25-2017 at 03:30 PM. Reason: Make things right by you
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 04-25-2017, 03:32 PM
hardydog hardydog is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Liverpool England
Posts: 170
Default

Budding amateur guitarist decides to try his hand at performing, and offers to do a gig at the local convalescent home. After a short performance he was wrapping up and spoke to a person in a chair on the front. "I hope you get better soon" said the guitarist with a smile. "I hope you get better soon aswell " said the patient
__________________
HARDYDOG


Avalon A12C Custom 2006
Gurian JBH 1981
Gibson J45 Banner reissue 1996
Martin D16GT 2006
Garrison AGGC 300 2008
Fender Telecaster American Special 2015
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 04-25-2017, 03:34 PM
Goat Mick Goat Mick is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Bristol, TN
Posts: 6,573
Default

A drummer gets a job...
__________________
'59 Gibson J-45 "Spot"
'21 Gibson LG-2 - 50's Reissue
'94 Taylor 710
'18 Martin 000-17E "Willie"
‘23 Taylor AD12e-SB
'22 Taylor GTe Blacktop
'15 Martin 000X1AE

https://pandora.app.link/ysqc6ey22hb

Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 04-25-2017, 03:43 PM
Silly Moustache Silly Moustache is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: The Isle of Albion
Posts: 22,070
Default

An attractive woman in a black dress walks into a shop and orders "fish and chips"

The shop assistant looks at her and says "Excuse me but are you a viola player?"

"Why yes" the woman replies "how can you tell?"

Well, replied the shop keeper "Because this is a tobacconist."

In the classical orchestra world (I'm told) viola players are the butt of the kinds of jokes we make about drummers.
__________________
Silly Moustache,
Just an old Limey acoustic guitarist, Dobrolist, mandolier and singer.
I'm here to try to help and advise and I offer one to one lessons/meetings/mentoring via Zoom!

Last edited by Silly Moustache; 04-25-2017 at 03:50 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 04-25-2017, 03:44 PM
billyfamilyvide billyfamilyvide is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 874
Default

Have a guitarist at your house that won't leave?


Pay for the pie.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 04-25-2017, 03:57 PM
AllThumbsBruce AllThumbsBruce is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 860
Default

A mandolin player, a guitar player and a banjo player are in a restaurant and notice that each has a fly in their soup.

The mandolin player says "Waiter there is a fly in my soup, take it away and throw it out!"

The guitar player says: "Waiter, there is a fly in my soup, take it out!".

The banjo player picks up the fly by the wings and shakes it, yelling `SPIT IT OUT!'"
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 04-25-2017, 04:00 PM
Ozzy the dog Ozzy the dog is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Lancashire, England
Posts: 1,682
Default

Why was the electric lead guitarist stood on the porch?
He couldn't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.
__________________
It's hard work being a dog.

YouTube
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 04-25-2017, 04:07 PM
llew llew is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Coastal South Carolina
Posts: 13,754
Default

A friend of mine had a daughter who was marrying a drummer. Needless to say he wasn't overly happy about it. A mutual friend commented: "Look at it this way...you're not losing a daughter, you're gaining a drummer!" [insert rim shot here!]
__________________
Jim

Dogs Welcome......People Tolerated!
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 04-25-2017, 04:16 PM
Paleolith54 Paleolith54 is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Desert Hills, AZ
Posts: 1,373
Default

How do you know the knock at the door is a drummer?

It speeds up.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 04-25-2017, 04:57 PM
Athens Athens is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Tellico Village, TN
Posts: 1,878
Default Lottery winner

A guitarist wins the lottery. A friend asks what he's going to do with his winnings.

He replied " I'm gonna keep gigging until the money runs out." ;-)
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 04-25-2017, 05:25 PM
Ozzy the dog Ozzy the dog is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Lancashire, England
Posts: 1,682
Default

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a guitarist." She replies, "Don't be silly, you can't do both."

What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
__________________
It's hard work being a dog.

YouTube
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 04-25-2017, 05:42 PM
Steadfastly Steadfastly is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Minto, NB
Posts: 3,800
Default

A banjo player is on the way to a gig so carefully puts his banjo on the back seat of his car. He has to make a stop at the post office on his way and locks the car. Upon his return from the post office he notices the back window is smashed. Anxiously, he runs up to his care and pears in expecting to see his banjo stolen. Beside his banjo lies a second one.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 04-25-2017, 05:53 PM
TheJackal TheJackal is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 505
Default

How do you tell the stage is level?

The drummer drools equally from both sides of their mouth.


How do you get a guitar player to turn their volume down?

Put a piece of sheet music in front of them.


What's the difference between a banjo and a dead skunk in the middle of the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.


What do you get when you drop a banjo down a mine shaft?

A flat minor.


How do you get two picolo players to play in tune?

Shoot one of them.
__________________
Martins, Taylors, Larrivees (L-05, L-04, D-03R, O-09, OM-40, OM-40R, SD-50), Yamahas, Godins, Gretsch, Horabe, et al
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 04-25-2017, 06:01 PM
oldgitplayer oldgitplayer is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Brit in Oz
Posts: 111
Default

......a C, an Eb and a G walked into a bar. The barman looked them over and said, "We don't serve minors here".
Reply With Quote
Reply

  The Acoustic Guitar Forum > Other Discussions > Open Mic

Thread Tools





All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:37 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, The Acoustic Guitar Forum
vB Ad Management by =RedTyger=