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  #76  
Old 05-16-2017, 05:23 AM
fuman fuman is offline
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Originally Posted by Side Man View Post
Johnny comes home from school and tells his mother, "Mom! Today we were practicing counting and I was able to count all the way to 100!"

"That's wonderful!", said his mother. "That's because you're a drummer!"

Next day Johnny comes home and says, "Mom!" Today we worked on the alphabet and I was able to get all the way from A to Z!"

"Oh, Johnny, that's great!", says his mother. "That's because you're a drummer!"

The third day, Johnny comes home from school and says to his mother, "Mom! Today the school nurse took our measurements and I'm the tallest boy in the class! Is that because I'm a drummer?"

His mom replies, "No Johnny. That's because your 26 years old."
I think we have a winner. Still laughing.
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  #77  
Old 05-16-2017, 06:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Mick's Goat Whiskey Picks View Post
A drummer gets a job...
This is supposed to be about musicians.
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  #78  
Old 05-16-2017, 10:46 PM
jim_pridx jim_pridx is offline
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  #79  
Old 05-21-2017, 09:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by A-Mac View Post
This is supposed to be about musicians.
Oh oh, that was a LOW blow. True, but a low blow.

sm
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  #80  
Old 05-21-2017, 01:04 PM
jseth jseth is offline
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A lot of my favorites have been posted already - I just read through the ENTIRE thread!

You know how long it takes to tune a banjo?

No one does, it hasn't happened yet...
____________________________________________
Banjo player: Someone who spends half their time tuning, and the other half playing out of tune...
________________________________
Apparently everyone knows how to get a guitarist to turn down their volume by putting sheet music in front of them...
But the way to actually STOP them from playing?

(Put notation on the sheet music!)
_______________________________

Do you know why Dead Heads dance with their hands and fingers waving in front of their faces?

To keep the music from getting in their eyes...
_____________________________

(A friend actually told this joke to Jerry Garcia, at the sound board before one of the Dead's last shows...)

How many Grateful Dead Heads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only one... but it takes 10,000 to follow the burned-out bulb around the country...

(Apparently, Garcia nearly peed his pants laughing at this one...)
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  #81  
Old 05-21-2017, 08:32 PM
macmanmatty macmanmatty is offline
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Q: What's the difference between a banjo and a chainsaw?
A: You can tune a chainsaw!

Q: Why can't dummers count any higher than 10?
A: They can but they'd have to take of their shoes first!

Q: What's the difference between a Bagpipe player and ants walking across the floor?
A: The ants have entertainment value!

Q:What's the bad thing about a 2 ton semi truck carrying 6 cases of banjos falling off a cliff a and destroying all the cargo?
A: The semi truck can hold twelve casesof banjos!

Q: What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo!
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  #82  
Old 05-24-2017, 10:13 PM
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I think I may have posted this one before, but it's worth a second run.

Q. What's the difference between a dog lying dead in the road and a banjo player lying dead in the road?

A. There are skidmarks in front of the dog.

sm
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  #83  
Old 05-25-2017, 11:13 AM
Tony Burns Tony Burns is offline
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These sound like jokes a banjo player would write
-theirs actually only three jokes here but they keep changing a couple of words and it keeps them entertained !
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  #84  
Old 05-25-2017, 05:47 PM
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Yeah, I hear ya, Tony. As I said, it's an old joke, but a good one.

sm
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  #85  
Old 05-26-2017, 10:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jseth View Post
A lot of my favorites have been posted already - I just read through the ENTIRE thread!

You know how long it takes to tune a banjo?

No one does, it hasn't happened yet...
____________________________________________
Banjo player: Someone who spends half their time tuning, and the other half playing out of tune...
________________________________
Apparently everyone knows how to get a guitarist to turn down their volume by putting sheet music in front of them...
But the way to actually STOP them from playing?

(Put notation on the sheet music!)
_______________________________

Do you know why Dead Heads dance with their hands and fingers waving in front of their faces?

To keep the music from getting in their eyes...
_____________________________

(A friend actually told this joke to Jerry Garcia, at the sound board before one of the Dead's last shows...)

How many Grateful Dead Heads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only one... but it takes 10,000 to follow the burned-out bulb around the country...

(Apparently, Garcia nearly peed his pants laughing at this one...)
JSeth, that last one about the Grateful Dead is one for the ages. Love it!

sm
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  #86  
Old 05-26-2017, 12:04 PM
mr. beaumont mr. beaumont is offline
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Johnny gets a bass for Christmas and heads off to his first lesson. He returns all smiles.

Johnny's Dad: How were lessons?

Johnny: Great, I learned the notes on the E and A string up to the fifth fret!

Next week, Johnny is seen smiling, leaving the house with his bass.

Johnny's dad: Off to your lesson?

Johnny: Nope, got a gig!


A jazz musician dies and goes to heaven. He's amazed that right on heaven's main street, there is a crowded jazz club.

Stepping inside, the bartender notices him as a newcomer, and quickly points out all of the famous names sitting around, waiting for the set to start.

"See," he says, pointing--"There's Miles talking to Paul Desmond, and over there is Duke, and Benny Goodman. Stick around tonight, Ray Brown's bringing Oscar and Barney Kessel with him.

"Wow," says the musician, wide-eyed. "Say...who's that cat with the drumsticks? I don't recognize him."

"Oh," says the bartender, rolling his eyes. "That's God, he thinks he's Buddy Rich."
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  #87  
Old 05-30-2017, 04:50 PM
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Love these. Thanks!
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  #88  
Old 06-11-2017, 11:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tony Burns View Post
These sound like jokes a banjo player would write
-theirs actually only three jokes here but they keep changing a couple of words and it keeps them entertained !
Ain't it the truth, ain't it the truth.....
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  #89  
Old 10-04-2017, 02:27 PM
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After a long layoff, I thought I might bump up this one and bring it back. Considering the kind of week we're having, it's a good time to laugh.

sm
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  #90  
Old 05-23-2018, 11:52 AM
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I'm overdue for a good chuckle.

scott memmer
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