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  #61  
Old 04-30-2017, 12:18 PM
FriedaCalor FriedaCalor is offline
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A guitarist dies and goes before St. Peter who tells him "you've led a really wonderful life so as a reward you can form a band with whoever you like up here."
Man is he stoked, he can have Keith Moon on drums, Coltrane on sax, Charles Mingus on bass, the possibilities are endless. He is truly in heaven.
After he chooses his all-time band, St. Peter approaches him again and says, "I'd like to introduce you to my daughter, she's a lead singer."
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  #62  
Old 04-30-2017, 12:54 PM
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Frieda, love that one.

Here are a couple of my favorite drummer jokes:

Two cowboys are waiting in their fort for the Indians to attack. They listen to the distant pounding of war drums. One cowboy says to the other, "I don't like the sound of them drums." There's a pause, then a distant shout from the Indian camp: "He's not our regular drummer!"

A man goes to a Pacific island for vacation. As the boat nears, he notices the constant sound of drumming. As he gets off the boat, he asks a native how long the drumming will go on. The native looks about nervously and says, "Very bad when drumming stops."

Later that same day, the drumming is still going and it is really starting to get to him. So he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been spooked and just before he hurries off says, "Very bad when drumming stops."

After a couple of days with constant drumming and little sleep, the man has had enough. He grabs the first native he sees, slams him against a tree, and shouts, "What happens when the drumming stops?!"

"Mmm, the native replies. "Bass solo."
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  #63  
Old 05-01-2017, 02:12 PM
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This is more of a "smile inducer" than a joke. I created this over the weekend for all of us here on AGF. Enjoy!

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  #64  
Old 05-01-2017, 05:56 PM
YeOldRocker YeOldRocker is offline
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How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. They have machines for that now.
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  #65  
Old 05-02-2017, 10:29 AM
HPopnecker HPopnecker is offline
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Default Musician joke

A man decides to take an eco tour of the Amazon River. He is walking on jungle trails with a guide when they hear drums in the background. The guide stops, obviously in panic. "Drums almost over!" he said to the man, "Very bad!" and begins to run down the trail. The man follows. Finally, they reach a clearing. "Why is it bad of the drums are almost over?" the man asks his guide. "Very bad!" answered the guide, "Bass solo next!"
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  #66  
Old 05-02-2017, 01:21 PM
leew3 leew3 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FriedaCalor View Post
A guitarist dies and goes before St. Peter who tells him "you've led a really wonderful life so as a reward you can form a band with whoever you like up here."
Man is he stoked, he can have Keith Moon on drums, Coltrane on sax, Charles Mingus on bass, the possibilities are endless. He is truly in heaven.
After he chooses his all-time band, St. Peter approaches him again and says, "I'd like to introduce you to my daughter, she's a lead singer."
Which song in Eb does she want to sing?
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  #67  
Old 05-02-2017, 03:15 PM
oldgitplayer oldgitplayer is offline
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Originally Posted by leew3 View Post
Which song in Eb does she want to sing?
It's Heaven! - there are capos available for the Eb challenged.......
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  #68  
Old 05-02-2017, 03:53 PM
leew3 leew3 is offline
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Quote:
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It's Heaven! - there are capos available for the Eb challenged.......
Nope, once we'd used our capos she'd insist on changing the key...just before the song began....
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  #69  
Old 05-02-2017, 05:47 PM
oldgitplayer oldgitplayer is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by leew3 View Post
Nope, once we'd used our capos she'd insist on changing the key...just before the song began....
So heaven is going to be a lot like our gig on earth - the lead singer doesn't always come in on the key the musicians are playing......

Then again, heaven probably autotunes both singers and guitarists.....
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  #70  
Old 05-05-2017, 01:37 PM
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Saw this on social media today, and though of this thread...Pretty accurate.

Musicians-Day.jpeg
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  #71  
Old 05-06-2017, 07:58 AM
porchswingpickr porchswingpickr is offline
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This is from renowned Italian flatpicker Beppe Gambetta:
"What do a murder and a banjo player have in common?
Everyone is relieved when the case is closed."
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  #72  
Old 05-13-2017, 10:01 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by porchswingpickr View Post
This is from renowned Italian flatpicker Beppe Gambetta:
"What do a murder and a banjo player have in common?
Everyone is relieved when the case is closed."
Amen to that!

sm
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  #73  
Old 05-13-2017, 11:00 AM
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Johnny comes home from school and tells his mother, "Mom! Today we were practicing counting and I was able to count all the way to 100!"

"That's wonderful!", said his mother. "That's because you're a drummer!"

Next day Johnny comes home and says, "Mom!" Today we worked on the alphabet and I was able to get all the way from A to Z!"

"Oh, Johnny, that's great!", says his mother. "That's because you're a drummer!"

The third day, Johnny comes home from school and says to his mother, "Mom! Today the school nurse took our measurements and I'm the tallest boy in the class! Is that because I'm a drummer?"

His mom replies, "No Johnny. That's because your 26 years old."
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  #74  
Old 05-13-2017, 11:17 AM
bitraker bitraker is offline
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hilarious....

Quote:
What's the difference between a lead guitarist and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.
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  #75  
Old 05-15-2017, 08:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bitraker View Post
hilarious....
Love this one!
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