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Old 04-25-2017, 03:25 PM
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Charmed Life Picks Charmed Life Picks is offline
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Default Best Guitarist or Musician Jokes

There was a thread a year or two ago that went on and on with a lot of great musician jokes, so I'd love to get one going again.

I'll start with a coupla old standards:

Q: What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
A) Homeless

Q: What do you call a hundred banjo players at the bottom of the sea?
A: A good start

Have at it -- but keep it clean!

scott memmer
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Old 04-25-2017, 03:30 PM
Jambi Jambi is offline
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Good thing you have a 'joke' disclaimer in the title.

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Last edited by Jambi; 04-25-2017 at 03:30 PM. Reason: Make things right by you
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Old 04-25-2017, 03:32 PM
hardydog hardydog is offline
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Budding amateur guitarist decides to try his hand at performing, and offers to do a gig at the local convalescent home. After a short performance he was wrapping up and spoke to a person in a chair on the front. "I hope you get better soon" said the guitarist with a smile. "I hope you get better soon aswell " said the patient
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Old 04-25-2017, 03:34 PM
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A drummer gets a job...
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Old 04-25-2017, 03:43 PM
Silly Moustache Silly Moustache is offline
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An attractive woman in a black dress walks into a shop and orders "fish and chips"

The shop assistant looks at her and says "Excuse me but are you a viola player?"

"Why yes" the woman replies "how can you tell?"

Well, replied the shop keeper "Because this is a tobacconist."

In the classical orchestra world (I'm told) viola players are the butt of the kinds of jokes we make about drummers.
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Last edited by Silly Moustache; 04-25-2017 at 03:50 PM.
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Old 04-25-2017, 03:44 PM
billyfamilyvide billyfamilyvide is offline
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Have a guitarist at your house that won't leave?


Pay for the pie.
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Old 04-25-2017, 03:57 PM
AllThumbsBruce AllThumbsBruce is offline
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A mandolin player, a guitar player and a banjo player are in a restaurant and notice that each has a fly in their soup.

The mandolin player says "Waiter there is a fly in my soup, take it away and throw it out!"

The guitar player says: "Waiter, there is a fly in my soup, take it out!".

The banjo player picks up the fly by the wings and shakes it, yelling `SPIT IT OUT!'"
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Old 04-25-2017, 04:00 PM
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Why was the electric lead guitarist stood on the porch?
He couldn't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.
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Old 04-25-2017, 04:07 PM
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A friend of mine had a daughter who was marrying a drummer. Needless to say he wasn't overly happy about it. A mutual friend commented: "Look at it this way...you're not losing a daughter, you're gaining a drummer!" [insert rim shot here!]
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Old 04-25-2017, 04:16 PM
Paleolith54 Paleolith54 is offline
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How do you know the knock at the door is a drummer?

It speeds up.
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Old 04-25-2017, 04:57 PM
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Default Lottery winner

A guitarist wins the lottery. A friend asks what he's going to do with his winnings.

He replied " I'm gonna keep gigging until the money runs out." ;-)
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Old 04-25-2017, 05:25 PM
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A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a guitarist." She replies, "Don't be silly, you can't do both."

What's the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.
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Old 04-25-2017, 05:42 PM
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A banjo player is on the way to a gig so carefully puts his banjo on the back seat of his car. He has to make a stop at the post office on his way and locks the car. Upon his return from the post office he notices the back window is smashed. Anxiously, he runs up to his care and pears in expecting to see his banjo stolen. Beside his banjo lies a second one.
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Old 04-25-2017, 05:53 PM
TheJackal TheJackal is offline
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How do you tell the stage is level?

The drummer drools equally from both sides of their mouth.


How do you get a guitar player to turn their volume down?

Put a piece of sheet music in front of them.


What's the difference between a banjo and a dead skunk in the middle of the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.


What do you get when you drop a banjo down a mine shaft?

A flat minor.


How do you get two picolo players to play in tune?

Shoot one of them.
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Old 04-25-2017, 06:01 PM
oldgitplayer oldgitplayer is offline
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......a C, an Eb and a G walked into a bar. The barman looked them over and said, "We don't serve minors here".
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