The end of an engagement: man be careful with a fool

[RedJoker]

I sorry to hear this. I had a similar experience after 17 years together, 12 being married. She left 10 years ago and we've both since remarried but there are times I still think about her and our situation. I get how much pain there is.

On the times that I wanted to be nasty, spiteful, etc, I asked myself "In five years, will I be proud of how I handled this?" That saved me from doing a lot of stupid things. Not all of them, but a lot of them.

[Neil K Walk]

Hang in there. Just be thankful that your lives weren't fully entangled with joint finances and children who rely on both of you to be a team. Break all contact with her and focus on your mental health. Do something. Don't wallow in self pity.

It could have been much worse. I have friends who've lost everything: half their finances, their house, their ability to interact with their offspring from a position of respect, friends, colleagues, even their self identity and have had to literally move across the country to start over with nothing.

It doesn't have to be that way and you have to stop looking back. You've grabbed the reigns and have given yourself a second chance. Move on.

[Tony Burns]

Were all in your corner -
but life gets better , and their is the right person out their somewhere .
my advice is to take a break from this stuff
and get your head together -
the best things in life seem to happen to us
when were not looking !
God bless you my friend !

[619TF]

Congratulations on avoiding getting married! I've been doing that my whole life and it only backfired on me once. A girl I really liked and lived with left as she wanted a "commitment". I guess paying the bills and living together wasn't enough. I remember thinking as she left "why would anyone want to get committed...that's what they do with crazy people!".

[Edgar Poe]

You may have some great material for a song, Do you have a dog, and a pickup ?



Ed

[rmp]

Originally Posted by Tony Burns

Were all in your corner -
the best things in life seem to happen to us when were not looking !
God bless you my friend !

Tru dat, one door closes so another can open..

[Mr. Jelly]

When a person finds the right one you have to be with it enough to know it and not screw it up. I know. I tried to screw it up a couple of times and it didn't take. Thank God.

[frances50]

As I've aged, I've learned that life is a continual learning experience. What doesn't break us, makes us stronger and a bit wiser. Good luck in moving on with your life. You will one day look back on this as a valuable life lesson.

[TRose]

I’ve had a similar experience. Sorry for the trouble and heart ache. She and her type are not who you want to marry. The real thing will come along eventually and this experience will help you recognize it when it does.
By some accounts, proper mate selection is responsible for 90% of our happiness and contentment. The other 10% you can shoot from the hip. Your fiancé was not the right choice. Consider yourself blessed. I realize this sounds odd due to the pain involved. But in time the pain will give way to gratitude.
Hang in there.

[619TF]

Originally Posted by TRose

I’ve had a similar experience. Sorry for the trouble and heart ache. She and her type are not who you want to marry. The real thing will come along eventually and this experience will help you recognize it when it does.

Or it won't but it really doesn't matter anyway.

Originally Posted by TRose

By some accounts, proper mate selection is responsible for 90% of our happiness and contentment. The other 10% you can shoot from the hip.

Those figures must come from really codependent scientists! Yes, IF one has a mate I'd suspect that there's a certain amount of happiness involved if one finds "the right one" yet I feel like 90% of a person's happiness is really up to THEM (whether partnered or not). Yep, the truth is that we make our own realities and emotional reactions. I try to stay positive when things go wrong and have found I rebound quicker from life's natural setbacks that way. Worrying and being sad never helps. Letting other people influence how we feel about ourselves is both foolish and dangerous.

Originally Posted by TRose

Your fiancé was not the right choice. Consider yourself blessed. I realize this sounds odd due to the pain involved. But in time the pain will give way to gratitude. Hang in there.

Whenever I think of an ex I always try and remember "she's someone ELSE'S problem now". Seems to help and always puts a smile on my face.

[Dirk Hofman]

I've had a very similar experience–my fiancee and I broke up 6 weeks before the wedding. Honestly, I was crushed by the whole experience, I think it changed me in some fairly major ways, some for the much better, some...well sometimes I think I lost some things in the whole situation.

Probably the hardest time I've ever had. Took a long time to get my bearings, and I was really surprised how hard it all hit me. I made mistakes, she made mistakes, we were not to be. It's OK.

I genuinely hope she's happy. It's been 23 years, but it's still an important time in my life and my development. No matter what it feels like, hang in there and I guarantee better days will come. Been happily married for 18 years now with a couple great kids. Things pass. Embrace them, even the hard times.

[thechariot1x]

Thanks everyone, I had a big exam today so it's been a couple of days since I had a chance to check it. I really appreciate all of the kind words.

[RP]

Originally Posted by frances50

As I've aged, I've learned that life is a continual learning experience. What doesn't break us, makes us stronger and a bit wiser....

To tweak your thoughts a bit, I've learned that life has the potential to be a series of learning exercises, and similarly we have the potential to become wiser but not necessarily. Because we have a bad experience doesn't necessarily mean that we'll learn from it and never repeat our mistake. The self-help, addiction rehab and counseling industry pretty much thrives because people tend to repeat self destructive behaviors over and over again...

[TBman]

Originally Posted by BoneDigger

Although it may not feel like it now, you dodged a bullet by her showing you who she is now rather than after marriage and kids.

This ^ x 1,000.

She did you a favor. Literally saved you years with the wrong person and thousands of dollars with nothing to show for it.

Move on and don't look back.

[Fogducker]

I got "the ultimatum" one afternoon after work. I stood up, took the steaks I'd just brought home for supper, and walked out! That was 40 years ago.

About a month later I received a phone call suggesting we fly (I had a 4 place airplane back then) out to an island for the week-end---I said I was real busy and couldn't get on board with that plan. She subsequently married the man and he never knew he was second choice! They were divorced about 20 years ago. Time moves on!

Fog