Overcoming partial stage fright

[Rosewood99]

My problem isn’t being scared, nervous or shy. I want to be able to perform well with my friends. It’s not a I dread it thing. I just get frustrated because I know I can play a song well because I’ve done it hundreds of times by myself. And I think part of it is I’m annoyed that my friends are gonna come away with thinking I’m not that good (not that I’m great, but I’m better than what they are hearing.)

[Jim Owen]

I’ve thought a lot about this over the past year and a quarter. (I didn’t realize that my last gig was my last gig). Now, I can go out and play again.

Here’s the thing though. Although I’ve played publicly in clubs, restaurants, and wine bars for almost 50 years, I admit to getting the jitters. Once I’m into the groove, I’m fine—happy in fact. I plan accordingly. I never start with a song that’s hard to play or sing.

People used to say “you’ll get over it.” I didn’t but learnt to work around it.

[RussellHawaii]

Great suggestions here. I’ll add a couple.
Try to see the stage fright or jitters as just energy. It’s like 5 cups of coffee at once...you are wide awake with adrenaline flowing. The good news is you will not fall asleep up there!
That energy can be defined by you as fear or excitement, your choice.
Then, as suggested above, focus on what you are doing, the way an athlete learns to tune out crowd noise. Those faces are not your concern at the moment, your playing and your voice is your only useful focus.
In 10 or 15 minutes this phase will pass. Then it’s time to look up and meet some eyes if you want, but not too much ‘cause you still need to focus.
I’m a recovering politician. During my time in office I had hundreds of chances to practice public speaking. What was traumatic at first becomes fairly routine with practice. Practice helps a lot but I still go through some jitters every time. It’s the same with performing music…it still happens, it’s still just energy in need of direction, and it passes.
It’s like any form of fear...it’s a wake up call to help you concentrate and make good choices - it’s not permanent and it’s not there to paralyze you.
Play anyway!

[Brucebubs]

Rosewood99 I have the exact same problem playing in front of anyone beside my wife of 40 years.

[Dru Edwards]

Originally Posted by Wade Hampton

It’s easy to say: “ Stop worrying and just play” but that doesn’t address the problem that you have.

Strangely enough, I find it more nerve-wracking to play in front of people that I know than in front of strangers. So maybe one approach you might take to improve those skills is to play at open mics; the more you do that the more you should acclimatize yourself to playing in front of others.

I mean, I don’t know, I’m just speculating here. But that might be worth a try.

Hope this helps.


Wade Hampton Miller

That's the same with me, Wade.

Rosewood99 (OP), it took me a year to get over stage fright. The only way I got over it was by continuing to do it. Confidence in your playing and knowing your material is also a major factor. I also found that once I hit that comfort level the gigs became much more enjoyable and fun.

[buddyhu]

Originally Posted by Rosewood99

My problem isn’t being scared, nervous or shy. I want to be able to perform well with my friends. It’s not a I dread it thing. I just get frustrated because I know I can play a song well because I’ve done it hundreds of times by myself. And I think part of it is I’m annoyed that my friends are gonna come away with thinking I’m not that good (not that I’m great, but I’m better than what they are hearing.)

I understand.

Just keep playing in front of people: Open mics, one friend or your wife or girlfriend, play in a park while people walk by. All of this will help.

When you practice, practice playing in a relaxed way: focus on deep breathing and loosening muscles in addition to focusing on the song and fingering, etc.

When you play for others, start with simpler and more practiced songs, and if they go well, move up the difficulty scale.

There are lots more strategies and tricks...but this is a start, and it might be enough to get the results you want.

Managing the charge that comes when playing in front of others is a separate skill. You need to learn it and practice it.

[MJ Slaughter]

Originally Posted by Rosewood99

My problem isn’t being scared, nervous or shy. I want to be able to perform well with my friends. It’s not a I dread it thing. I just get frustrated because I know I can play a song well because I’ve done it hundreds of times by myself. And I think part of it is I’m annoyed that my friends are gonna come away with thinking I’m not that good (not that I’m great, but I’m better than what they are hearing.)

Do what I do. Make sure any musician friends you play with are not very good. It is a weird phenomena though. I've preformed, guitar and sing, a lot around town over the years and never have trouble but if I try to sing to my wife, much of the time I tense up and my singing sounds weak. Then, when my duo partner is over for a rehearsal I have no problem belting it out even with my wife around. No suggestions for you but it's weird and annoying.

[Mandobart]

I've been performing publicly (group and solo settings) for over 40 years. It's a little easier to have grown up doing it, but I still get a little nervous each time. I also can play and sing better with no one else around.

Between playing alone at home and playing live for others, there are a couple smaller steps that can help you prepare. I strongly advocate regularly playing with others. For the past 12 years (minus this past year) I've attended several loosely organized weekly group sessions. No amps or mics, no audience (except for each other). It's less intimidating to play and sing when you're gathered with others doing the same thing, but it's a different setting than playing with myself in my music room and adds a little performance aspect.

It's also a good way to learn new techniques, songs. try other instruments and make some friends.

Another thing to try is bring your guitar to a public setting, like a park or campground and just play there. It's great when the weather is nice. There will be people around but they're not there specifically to hear you. Some may stop to listen, and if you choose to interact it could turn into a busking thing. I find if I smile but don't start talking/interacting with them they don't hang around and become an audience. But the knowledge that you're not playing alone at home adds just a little performance edge.

[dnf777]

Ive seen John Prine, Kris Kristoffersen, and Gordon Lightfoot ALL flub or forget lyrics during shows to songs THEY wrote and sang thousands of times. In fact, Prine even joked that “music is still purely human, and nothing is more human than to forget stuff, so there ya go”!

[jaymarsch]

Similar to what Gordon said, I have never completely gotten over stage fright but have learned to manage it better. A couple of things that have helped me are:
- A 5 minute pre-performance routine of deep breathing and making sure that I can feel my feet on the ground and connect with my heart. This helps me get out of my head.
- Another thing that helped me in the beginning was finding or creating ways to perform longer sets in front of people - either friends or strangers. The problem with open mics when you are starting out is you play 1 or 2 songs and just as you are getting settled in, it’s over until the next open mic so you spend more time experiencing the worst part of it. If you begin to play for longer you begin to have more experience with the feeling of settling in. I found that really helped me.
- As others have said, the more you do it, the more comfortable you’ll be and you’ll discover the things that help you to manage it.
- I recommend Livingston Taylor’s book called “Stage Performance.”
Best,
Jayne

[Fred]

This was big trouble for me, too. Suggestions -- 1) you just have to do it. 2) Most people will NOT recognize your mistakes. 3) If you can play a tune well enough to play it with your eyes closed...trying playing it with your eyes closed in public. It can help you get comfortable.

[ssstewart]

whether im playing in front of a small group of ppl, or speaking to a group of 500-600 ppl, my cure for nerves is always the same....find your happy thought/image/memory and visualize it, for me its either fishing with my wife in a stream or hugging one of my grandkids that give the warmest hugs.

[CASD57]

Originally Posted by Dave Hicks

That's the nice thing about having other musicians on stage - a quick glare can attribute the blame elsewhere. [emoji38]



D.H.

Lol, you've been there. That was my trade mark "Home Alone" look

[phcorrigan]

Originally Posted by SongwriterFan

Just keep doing it.

This.

Professional actors and musicians still experience stage fright and impostor syndrome. The more you play in front of people the easier it will get. You may or may not still experience stage fright, but you can still learn to play through it.

BTW, IMO it can be somewhat easier to play open mics than in front of friends. Friends may or may not be supportive, but most open mics have very supportive people who want you to succeed.

[Russ C]

If I’m performing an “exact” piece and I can’t name every note and see every fret, string and finger movement without a guitar in my hands I don’t know the music well enough. It’s mostly on stage that such lack of preparation becomes clearest.
If I’m playing something mostly improvised my memory may be lessened to knowing the harmony and the arrangement - like I have a chord chart in front of me. This can limit spontaneity but it’s insurance properties are worth it - at least for me.
Muscle memory to help achieve the movements we need is good and proper but it’s only for technique. There’s no time like being on stage to make us realise that our knowledge is not as complete as we thought.

Other prep I do is to practice everything that’s challenging faster and louder than I need it to be.

There comes a time when you realise that your technique and knowledge is more than you need for the job and then stage fright is greatly diminished.