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  #1  
Old 08-01-2020, 04:54 PM
SongwriterFan SongwriterFan is offline
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Default "Convince My Heart" - a song of grief, guilt, and healing

A week from today will be the one year anniversary of the last time I talked in person to Kylie (a singer/songwriter friend of mine). Within a month, she would be dead by her own bad decisions. That loss left me with feelings of grief (understandable) and guilt (not so understandable).

Six months ago today, I wrote down (in a couple of hours) the first draft of this song. With some help of some friends of mine (her mom, and a couple of other singer/songwriters), I polished the lyrics and the music. And with the help of yet another friend, I put together this recording (and video) of me singing the song. I needed a version with ME singing it.

I wrote this song to Kylie, to tell her how I felt after she died.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIeIk_VPlYA


Last edited by SongwriterFan; 08-07-2020 at 10:40 AM. Reason: Updated video link
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Old 08-07-2020, 10:42 AM
SongwriterFan SongwriterFan is offline
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Updated the video to use a better mix of the song.

While the song was written to her, parts of it ended up being written to me.

For anybody who has ever lost a friend and felt not just grief, but (needless) guilt over it, I hope this song might be as healing for you as it was for me.
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Old 08-07-2020, 02:16 PM
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Heart-wrenching my friend and again I'm sorry for this tragedy. I feel the sorrow in your voice but you did a good thing in writing about it... well done.
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Old 08-07-2020, 02:29 PM
rokdog49 rokdog49 is offline
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The best songs are often ones like yours that are from a personal experience.
In this case, your loss enabled you to write a beautiful song about your frustration and the reality we all face when it comes to those we love. We can’t “fix” or protect them. All we can do is love them.
As someone who has had a similar experience and wrote a song about it, I can appreciate how hard this was for you. At the same time, it was cathartic.
I’m glad you shared this with the forum. You will likely never know how many lives you may have touched or have yet to touch by doing that or how much good you did for others. Just know you did a good thing. That’s it’s own reward.
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Old 08-08-2020, 03:49 PM
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Thanks for sharing. Anyone listening to this version of the song would know how much it came from your heart. The sincerity in the words, the music, and the delivery is simply right there, raw and real for us all to hear. Well done and sorry for your loss.
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Old 08-13-2020, 05:48 PM
SongwriterFan SongwriterFan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by noledog View Post
I feel the sorrow in your voice but you did a good thing in writing about it... well done.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rokdog49 View Post
You will likely never know how many lives you may have touched or have yet to touch by doing that or how much good you did for others. Just know you did a good thing. That’s it’s own reward.
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Originally Posted by TomB'sox View Post
how much it came from your heart. The sincerity in the words, the music, and the delivery is simply right there, raw and real for us all to hear.
Thanks, guys . . . that means a lot.

She was special. And somehow I ended up writing a song similar to the ones she wrote: straight from experience . . . no "imagining" necessary. Her "authenticity" was probably the main thing that hooked me on her music.

I was shocked when I was asked to write an "in memoriam" for her for a regional (maybe state wide?) music magazine. This is the longer version that I originally wrote (it had to be cut down considerably for space reasons. It explains even more how special she was.

http://www.neonlightsimaging.com/ima...inmemoriam.jpg

Last edited by SongwriterFan; 08-13-2020 at 05:59 PM.
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Old 08-13-2020, 06:21 PM
rokdog49 rokdog49 is offline
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Your “in memoriam” was very touching and I feel like I know this lady and a bit of who and what she was. It’s obvious you have experienced a great personal loss.
You did get to enjoy her and be a part of her life. That’s to hold onto forever.
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Old 08-13-2020, 06:31 PM
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Wonderful writing, I feel like I knew her myself.

I lost my best friend 10 years ago to pancreatic cancer, we met in 3rd grade and went through high school together and never once had an argument even though we were different people with different beliefs, we respected each other for who we were. We played sports together, football and baseball from the 4th grade on, but went to separate colleges. When he died, I just had this urge to write about him, us. I never write like that. 3 pages later it was done and I sent it to his widow and family. It turns out that what I had done to help me understand my feelings and loss did more for them than it did for me. I felt like the writing was coming from somewhere else, not me. She told me she must have read that 100 times or more and gave copies to all three of his boys.
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Old 08-18-2020, 07:18 PM
SongwriterFan SongwriterFan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rokdog49 View Post
It’s obvious you have experienced a great personal loss. You did get to enjoy her and be a part of her life. That’s to hold onto forever.
Indeed . . just wish I'd had a chance to know here longer. I met her in 2012, but didn't really start to follow her until she came back from Nashville in 2016. By 2019 she and I were really starting to become good friends . . I wish that had been allowed to continue. To your first point, I will say something via PM.


Quote:
Originally Posted by rokdog49 View Post
Your “in memoriam” was very touching and I feel like I know this lady and a bit of who and what she was.
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Originally Posted by TomB'sox View Post
Wonderful writing, I feel like I knew her myself.
Thanks to both of you for that. I can talk/write for a long time about her. The hard part is editing it down to where somebody wants to hear/read it.

She was a joy to be around. I've learned so much from her mom about her since she died . . . just wish I'd been able to learn all that stuff directly from HER over time, instead.

Sorry for the late reply . . . I was going to reply on Sunday night, but a storm came through and knocked out my DirecTV (understandable), but also my internet . . . not sure how the storm did that, but it just got repaired an hour or so ago.
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Old 10-06-2020, 06:54 AM
SongwriterFan SongwriterFan is offline
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I sent this to another local singer/songwriter (who didn't know me), and this was his response:

"Thank you for sharing this with and moreover, for creating this. It’s beautiful and compelling and so honest. I’m really moved by it.

I hope that the process of writing it and singing it has helped you with the pain of this tragedy. I’ve dabbled with some stuff that skirts the issue but have not found the right words. I think your expression is very compelling and spot on with how so many of us feel.

Thank you so much again and I hope you are feeling some sense of peace about this in these crazy times.

p.s. Occasionally it’s important to be reminded of how powerful music and song and lyrics can be in helping us deal with this world….so thank you for that too"


Also shared it with a musician that played with her in a band for a while (he was the drummer, she sang harmony). His reply was:

"Wow. You put into words feelings that I think a lot of people that knew Kylie felt, but could never articulate. Thanks you for sharing this beautiful and powerful piece, I am grateful!"

Both replies made my day. Kylie had so many friends who were singer/songwriters that it feels crazy that *I* (just an engineer and definitely not a singer/songwriter) would be the one to write this song.
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Old 10-07-2020, 11:31 AM
cedartop52 cedartop52 is offline
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Powerful, powerful song. I'm so glad you opened your heart through song. It is good but often very hard to explore the mysteries of life and death...thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. Dan
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Old 10-11-2020, 08:09 PM
SongwriterFan SongwriterFan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cedartop52 View Post
Powerful, powerful song.
Thanks.

I've started working on being able to play and sing it at the same time. I've already changed a few things from the way it was played in the video.

This is WAY harder than the pros make it look!
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Old 10-12-2020, 09:54 AM
Willie_D Willie_D is offline
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Great song. Tough feelings.
It's not as easy as it looks.
Any of it.
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