On Death & Dying

[fitness1]

Originally Posted by tbeltrans

To me, dying with dignity is possible when we get to make the choice, rather than being a drain on those around us, both emotionally and financially, while being completely helpless. The best thing would be to die quickly in my sleep.


As for death itself, there should be nothing to fear, it happens to everybody at one time or another. Our society seems to have become rather fearful though with xenophobia, homophobia, claustrophobia, acrophobia, and a host of other phobias, so I guess fearing death would be "par for the course"

This is pretty close to my feelings - I can tell you without hesitation that if I get a terminal diagnosis I won't spend the last months of my life in and out of hospitals and being subjected to surgeries and other unthinkable things. I'll live the best I can until it's painful, then decide whether to end it, or just make sure I stay pain free. I've lived for the most part on my own terms, and plan to die that way as well.

My philosophy regarding this is that so many are fearful of death because they've never fully lived. Until a few years ago when I started taking care of my parents I had an incredibly fulfilling existence. If something happened tomorrow, the only regret I'd have is that I didn't fulfill the promise I made my Dad to take care of my Mom.

[Fogducker]

My Wife is my designated person and has my instructions:


1. No "heroic" keeping me alive. (Pull the plug)

2. I want all drugs known to man to eliminate pain (I'm not worried about a drug habit)

3. Cremation. Oh yeah, put a little mirror under my nose. If you see some fog spots, HOLD UP ON THAT CREMATION THING!

Fogducker

P.S. The above stuff isn't for quite a while---I don't think anyway.

[tbeltrans]

When we retired, my wife and had a will put together by a local attorney and a living will so that we won't be kept alive beyond what is decent (i.e. just let us go when it is time). Also, we are to be cremated and the whole thing is already paid for and done. We like to keep it simple and not stick anybody with the bill.

Tony

[Glennwillow]

Hi Jaden,

I'm sorry about the difficulties you have encountered in your life with death in your family.

My family and my wife's family have tended to be fairly stoic about death. It's a fact of life, no sense making trouble for everyone else. No sense destroying the family over huge expenses, either.

For myself, I hope I can die well. I hope the same for my wife and my children.

- Glenn

[Jaden]

Originally Posted by Glennwillow

Hi Jaden,

I'm sorry about the difficulties you have encountered in your life with death in your family.

My family and my wife's family have tended to be fairly stoic about death. It's a fact of life, no sense making trouble for everyone else. No sense destroying the family over huge expenses, either.

For myself, I hope I can die well. I hope the same for my wife and my children.

- Glenn

We had it pretty easy, all in all. I know for my father his main concern was to have an equally divided estate so there would be no fights over money.

In terms of in-home care, I saw how they did it in the old country with sometimes a parent dying slowly at home and bed ridden, with only the immediate family to do all the clean up, so we were lucky over here in North America with state and private care coming in.

[Jobe]

Jaden: I don't pretend to know anything but I thought I would mention my experience. Two of my uncles had passed and I loved them both. Uncle George contracted cancer and spent time in a great Boston hospital but there was nothing they could do. He chose to return home and was cared for by his family and Hospice. There came a time shortly after returning home he asked aunt Peachy (His wife) to get the family together. They had eight kids some fairly local and others spread out over the country. Somehow uncle George waited until the kids were all together. They were all by the bedside. He made his peace and quietly died that night. My uncle Herbie was also at home with nurse care and medication. Herbie was a Marine and in charge of the household. He did not want to go without a fight. He hung on far too long and it was heartbreaking to see. I believe we have free will. We come by choice and we ultimately leave by choice. Me? I'll take walking out in front of a bus by mistake knowing this is IT just before it happens. No fuss. Make your peace now with the world. Exit peaceful is my goal. Nice ride. Interesting. The ones we love make it tough to go through when they are gone. But I can always weigh my sadness against my love. Love wins and I will take it. But I miss you.

[Mr. Jelly]

My wife and I are 66 and in good health. We have our wills made out, our burial site is bought and our urns are in boxes in the garage. Having gone through many, many family members passing I appreciated my mother having numerous aspects of her affairs taken care of.

[DenverSteve]

As a pastor, over the years I counseled hundreds of patients and families in various stages of grieving, denial and acceptance of death and dying. What I’ve observed, with no scientific empirical process, is that those who lived peaceful, caring lives, without greed or malice, pass on in the same manner. Those who lived greedy, self-centered lives tend to fight it with every breath. Having directives in place don’t guarantee that loved ones comply so I advise open, frank discussions with those who will be left to attend your final days so they understand exactly what you desire in the end.

While not wanting anyone to mourn my passing, when it comes, I am comfortable knowing where and how I will spend my eternity and look forward to asking questions like, “what were you thinking with that platypus?”....

[Steve-arino]

Originally Posted by AX17609

This year I get to watch my daughter die. What started as a seizure 6 months ago has blossomed into Stage 4 brain cancer. As I type this, she lies in a hospital bed with half her body paralyzed from as biopsy gone wrong and a subsequent stroke. She has maybe 3-6 months to live. I will witness her decent. Philosophize all you want, but I would gladly accept my own death if it would prevent hers.

I’m so sorry. This breaks my heart.

[frankhond]

Originally Posted by AX17609

This year I get to watch my daughter die. What started as a seizure 6 months ago has blossomed into Stage 4 brain cancer. As I type this, she lies in a hospital bed with half her body paralyzed from as biopsy gone wrong and a subsequent stroke. She has maybe 3-6 months to live. I will witness her decent. Philosophize all you want, but I would gladly accept my own death if it would prevent hers.

I'm so sorry to hear this. The universe is so full of randomness, and so often the result is unfair and not at all what we might expect or want.

Two years ago I was going to the hospital for my sixth chemo session, and my aging mom called me and said "you have to live because losing a child is the worst thing that can happen to a parent". Not what I needed to hear, but so true. I'll be thinking of you and your daughter, and send hope that she will be able to leave gracefully without pain.

As for me, thanks to modern science, I get to go on some more. Focusing less on what to do when the end comes, and more what to do in the meantime. Why overthink it?

[TBman]

Dying is something I've thought about since I first realized the real deal at the age of 8. Now that it is looming, I'd rather think about living and my loved ones, then when I'm going to go. It could be now, it could be tonight, tomorrow or 30 years from now. I'm just going to do my best to avoid it as long as possible. All I know if I go before I get my cedar topped Furch, I'll be pretty ticked off

[Jaden]

Originally Posted by Edgar Poe

I for one to not believe this is it. So I do not fear the future, whatever it brings.

But Dean Ford said it pretty well.

The World is a bad place, A bad place.
A terrible place to live....
OOOOHH but I don't want to die.


Too many unseen adventures ahead.
Ed

There are many profound thoughts offered in this thread, and I’d like to thank everyone who contributed - it has helped me in the grieving process. There was a time when my (large nuclear) family was young, and the local graveyard was a largely unknown place, but now there are a few of us, all with full burial (Roman Catholic) there. The post above outlines the central issue of faith, and strength derived from that in the face of universal suffering.

Thanks all.

[fazool]

Originally Posted by Hoyt

I hope I'm living in a state that allows Euthanasia, should I have a terminal illness that tends to be messy/depressing for the patient as well as the family.

If not, I'll have to improvise. There should be dignified ways to die, not only for the ill, but their family as well.

After watching my mother die a protracted and undignified death, in which she wasn't even lucid, I told my kids "do not ever put me in a nursing home. Leave me in a snowbank so I can die. " And I meant it.

I never want to go through that or put my family through that.

For what? A few more months with a horrific quality of life? No thanks.

[RP]

Originally Posted by DenverSteve

...While not wanting anyone to mourn my passing, when it comes, I am comfortable knowing where and how I will spend my eternity and look forward to asking questions like, “what were you thinking with that platypus?”....

If you get there before me, ask about mosquitos and jellyfish too....

[noledog]

Originally Posted by DenverSteve

As a pastor, over the years I counseled hundreds of patients and families in various stages of grieving, denial and acceptance of death and dying. What I’ve observed, with no scientific empirical process, is that those who lived peaceful, caring lives, without greed or malice, pass on in the same manner. Those who lived greedy, self-centered lives tend to fight it with every breath. Having directives in place don’t guarantee that loved ones comply so I advise open, frank discussions with those who will be left to attend your final days so they understand exactly what you desire in the end.

While not wanting anyone to mourn my passing, when it comes, I am comfortable knowing where and how I will spend my eternity and look forward to asking questions like, “what were you thinking with that platypus?”....

Nice post Pastor Steve and I'm with ya... I can only imagine!