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  #31  
Old 09-20-2022, 10:28 PM
jim1960 jim1960 is offline
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I usually save the funny for the in between song chatter but I did write a song called Venus and Mars that encouraged laughter and awkward conversations. Here are the lyrics...

Venus and Mars

I like football on Sunday afternoons
I watch it all day in my underwear
Maybe thatís too much information
But Iím a guy and we just donít care

You buy things that make the house smell sweet
You yell at me when I donít lift the seat
You call my friends names I canít repeat
But without you, lifeís incomplete

You see thatís just the way things are
When worlds collide
Iím onion dip, youíre caviar
Youíre from Venus and Iím from Mars

Youíve gone from spinning the bottle and Barbie dolls
To antique stores and shopping malls
Iíve had a similar evolution
Iíve gone from sports and beer to sports and microbreweries

I was married once when I was young
For two whole years I didnít talk to her
It's not that I had nothing to say
It's just that I didnít want to interrupt

You see thatís just the way things are
When worlds collide
Youíre fresh flowers, Iím a smelly cigar
Youíre from Venus and Iím from Mars

spoken: ďI was going to sing that line backwards...Iím from Mars and youíre from Venus...but I could only think of one word that rhymes with Venus and I wanted to maintain the songís PG ratingĒ

You like to make the bed everyday
And thatís never made much sense to me
If weíre gonna mess up the sheets later anyway
Perhaps Iíd better save my energy

You see thatís just the way things are
When worlds collide
Iím a black hole, youíre a morning star
Youíre from Venus and Iím from Mars
Of the two of us, youíre the best by far
Youíre from Venus and Iím from Mars
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2017 Circle Strings 00 bastogne walnut/sinker redwood
2015 Circle Strings Parlor shedua/western red cedar
2009 Bamburg JSB Signature Baritone macassar ebony/carpathian spruce
2004 Taylor XXX-RS indian rosewood/sitka spruce
1988 Martin D-16 mahogany/sitka spruce

along with some electrics, zouks, dulcimers, and banjos.

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  #32  
Old 09-22-2022, 07:41 AM
Tadmcd Tadmcd is offline
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[depending upon the audience, replacing the word "Heck" with another exclamatory and, well, four-letter word, gives the song a bit of a kick and jocularity.]

Ode to Widow Jones

I told Cletus where to meet us
There was things we must discuss
Jethro Jones had lost his life
Was up to us to tell his wife.

He'd never had the time to jump
When the tree had parted from its stump
The outhouse took away his chance
When Jethro Jones had dropped his pants.

That tree fell down both true and straight
To squash him dead, to seal his fate
Tell her fact there weren't no squallin'
When Jethro's God did come a'callin'.

One of us has got to say
Gotta tell his wife about today
Ain't no reason she should know
Where he was, about the blow.

You do it Cletus, the boys all said
You tell his wife ole Jethro's dead
He weren't that smart the boys had heard
But Cletus had the way with words.

He had a nip, just a little shine
To calm his nerves, to ease his mind
To take that walk to Jethro's house
And break the sad news to his spouse.

He ambled on, formin' up his plan
How to break the news about her man
To say the words 'bout his decease
How to say it soft and give her peace.

Licked down his hair, tucked in his shirt
Boots diggin' furrows in the dirt
Widdah Jones! Widdah Jones! he cried
'Til Maybelle finally come outside.

Stop yellin' so, Maybelle said
I ain't no widow, ain't no one dead
My man Jethro's full of life
You know I ain't no dead man's wife.

The words had failed him in his need
To tell it right so she would heed
His knees were weak, his mind grew faint
Then Cletus hollered, Heck you ain't!

That tree fell down both true and straight
To squash him dead, to seal his fate
Tell Widow Jones there ain't no squallin'
Cuz Jethro's God had come a'callin'.
Cuz Jethro's God had come a'callin'.

[oh, i wrote it.]
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  #33  
Old 09-22-2022, 08:46 AM
RustyAxe RustyAxe is offline
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"Origin of Species" Chris Smither
"Send Me to Glory in a Glad Bag"
"Huggin' and Chalkin'" Hoagy Carmichael
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  #34  
Old 09-23-2022, 07:36 AM
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Cypress Knee Cypress Knee is offline
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Mike Cross has written some good ones. They can be found on an album called Mike Cross: The Best of the Funny Stuff. One example - Elma Turn. Here is the opening line:
"Elma Turl is a beautiful girl, and I'd love to have her for my wife,
She's just the kind of woman who could make me happy for the rest of my life
My daddy said, "Son, there's something you don't know, and it's something I
think you oughter
Elma Turl is a beautiful girl; but son, she's my daughter."

If anyone is listening, the killer punch line is at the end of the song.

Antsy McClain and the Trailer Park Troubadours have some amusing material too, such as "I Married Up" and "Prozac Made Me Stay".

"She's in her brown fuzzy slippers and a mustard yellow Terry Clothier robe
She's got her mail-order Richard Petty earrings dangling from each lobe
She's got her hair up in rollers and the rollers are mountain dew cans
She's a picture of grace with that grilled spam n' cheese in her hands"

etc...

"I married up...."
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  #35  
Old 09-26-2022, 12:08 PM
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guitargabor guitargabor is offline
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Camp Granada by Allan Sherman.

Many in my audience don't get the humor of this song.
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  #36  
Old 09-26-2022, 12:17 PM
FingahPickah FingahPickah is offline
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My Eggs Don't Taste the Same Without You

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJhgJ-7J2Go
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  #37  
Old 09-27-2022, 06:02 AM
Deliberate1 Deliberate1 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by guitargabor View Post
Camp Granada by Allan Sherman.

Many in my audience don't get the humor of this song.
Agreed. His album, My Son the Folk Singer, was an influential part of my musical upbringing. OK, my entire childhood.

David
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  #38  
Old 09-27-2022, 08:27 AM
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raysachs raysachs is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by guitargabor View Post
Camp Granada by Allan Sherman.

Many in my audience don't get the humor of this song.
Oh yeah! I grew up on Allan Sherman. Never tried doing any of his stuff. He's just such a wonderful non-singer type of hilarious singer...

-Ray
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  #39  
Old 09-27-2022, 09:03 AM
mclarry53 mclarry53 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by raysachs View Post
Oh yeah! I grew up on Allan Sherman. Never tried doing any of his stuff. He's just such a wonderful non-singer type of hilarious singer...

-Ray
Yes! My dad had every one of Allan Sherman's albums. When I get together with a certain bunch of friends, we always play/sing "Don't Buy the Liverwurst"!
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  #40  
Old 09-28-2022, 08:46 PM
Steve DeRosa Steve DeRosa is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by turtlejimmy View Post
...So, what funny songs do you'll have out there?
You're so Sweet (Horseflies Keep Hangin' Round Your Face) (Neil Diamond - also IME makes a great break-up song )
Kosovo (parody of the Beach Boys' "Kokomo")
Brooklynese (another parody, this one of Schooner Fare's "Quebecois")
Itsy-bitsy Teenie-weenie Achy-breaky Ding-a-Ling (original, the supposed product of a collaboration between Brian Hyland, Billy Ray Cyrus, and Chuck Berry)
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  #41  
Old 09-28-2022, 09:28 PM
Brent Hahn Brent Hahn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by raysachs View Post
Oh yeah! I grew up on Allan Sherman. Never tried doing any of his stuff. He's just such a wonderful non-singer type of hilarious singer...

-Ray
He comes off that way, but he was extraordinarily musical. Big voice, wonderful texture, great natural phrasing. He totally knew what he was doing.
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