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  #76  
Old 06-15-2020, 05:10 PM
AmericanEagle AmericanEagle is offline
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Originally Posted by jklotz View Post
Not sure I can add anything to this thread that hasn't already been said. Just wanted to say I feel for you, and am wishing you the best. Judging by this thread, you seem to have a lot of friends here. That has to help on some level, no?
Yes, it certainly does. I am very grateful for my AGF friends.
I got word today from my lawyer that my wife’s lawyer is going for as much money as they can squeeze out of me. She ruined the marriage yet I have to pay until I’m bled dry. I will never marry again.
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  #77  
Old 06-20-2020, 07:36 AM
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Yes, it certainly does. I am very grateful for my AGF friends.
I got word today from my lawyer that my wife’s lawyer is going for as much money as they can squeeze out of me. She ruined the marriage yet I have to pay until I’m bled dry. I will never marry again.
Very sorry to hear of your plight. I just saw this thread for the first time; I didn't read every post, but I read enough to get the gist ...

I've been through divorce twice.
It changes you.
At this point, you just need to go into self preservation mode and please believe me when I tell you that MUCH better days are ahead.

Just get through this phase, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other ... sunny days are comin' brother, I promise ...

If you want to reach out via PM, I'd be happy to share any insights and/or support. More than happy to.

Take care,
Paul
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  #78  
Old 06-20-2020, 10:00 AM
KarenB KarenB is offline
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What you're experiencing is so hard. I am sorry.
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Last edited by KarenB; 06-20-2020 at 10:11 AM.
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  #79  
Old 06-20-2020, 12:30 PM
AmericanEagle AmericanEagle is offline
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If you want to reach out via PM, I'd be happy to share any insights and/or support. More than happy to.

Take care,
Paul
PM sent
thank you
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  #80  
Old 06-24-2020, 12:26 PM
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"A guy I know..." (okay, it was me) became fed up with a bad marriage and went to see a divorce attorney for a free consultation.

On her computer, the lawyer plugged in my income and assets, and then what my spouse had to report. She spun the monitor around to show me. Given the disparity in our numbers, I was going to owe my soon-to-be-ex 2.5 years of "spousal support" (half of the 5 years we were legally attached). Darn good thing we didn't have any kids together.

Let's talk bottom line. The attorney's calculations for my monthly bloodletting were within $100 of what my alienated spouse's attorney had already figured on his computer (it's a lot like tax tables)! Then my battle-scarred attorney did something noble (and free, if you can imagine). She affixed me with a steely gaze over the top of her reading glasses and said, "Here's the deal. You can't afford for me to represent you in court and WIN."

She continued. "So do this... settle out of court. Figure out the total amount of what you'll pay her for 2.5 years if a judge gets involved. Come up with a lower number that will allow you to sleep at night without waking up screaming. Pay her off in a lump sum and be done with the business. Give until it hurts."

So I did. I sold some guns and a couple guitars, and I took out a loan. Lived like a pauper on lettuce and water for a year. I saved many thousands and never looked back, and I feel a LOT better for it.

Sorry for your pain, I know it well. Just figured this needed to be said. YMMV.

Last edited by Kerbie; 06-24-2020 at 06:18 PM. Reason: No profanity please.
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  #81  
Old 06-24-2020, 04:25 PM
AmericanEagle AmericanEagle is offline
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"Give until it hurts."

So I did. I sold some guns and a couple guitars, and I took out a loan. Lived like a pauper on lettuce and water for a year. I saved many thousands and never looked back, and I feel a LOT better for it.

Sorry for your pain, I know it well. Just figured this needed to be said. YMMV.
I get it, sadly.
Reminds me of the phrase “it’s cheaper to keep her”.
This divorce will cause me a lifetime of debt.
I have to come-up with an insane amount of money to buy her out of the house. I cannot afford to sell the house and split the proceeds, because since we bought the house in 1997, housing prices have skyrocketed to absolutely unaffordable. Meaning, I am looking at apartment living if I sell.
And our son is still living with me.
Anyway, it already hurts, and I haven’t even started paying yet.
Never again my friend, no way.
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  #82  
Old 06-25-2020, 06:14 AM
Slothead56 Slothead56 is offline
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I gave up 75% of my worth and accumulated a five figure attorney bill in my early 30’s. It was financially devastating and ultimately worth every penny.

I know people keep telling you but the future is not as grim as you think it will be and the Emotional ‘value’ of moving on helps offset the financial ‘cost’ of dissolution.

We share a now grown child and and a grandchild together. While it’s been many years and I don’t see her often I actually look forward to getting caught up with her now and, from time to time, actually have a laugh over a shared memory. I send her birthday, Christmas and Mother’s Day greetings. Would have never predicted that 30 years ago.

Every divorce is different of course....
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  #83  
Old 06-25-2020, 06:26 AM
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. Meaning, I am looking at apartment living if I sell.
Actually no, think outside of the box.

My late mother had sold her condo in NJ years ago and had bought a very, large "trailer", portable home, prefab, whatever you want to call it in Delaware. It was in area with other similar houses and she had to pay for the "land" and utilities monthly and was very happy with the financial side of things.

She lived very comfortably for years until she felt she got too old to live so far from everyone else.

https://factoryselectmobilehomes.com/


Condos, townhouses, are other options. Getting out of a metropolitan area is the key to affordable living.
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  #84  
Old 06-25-2020, 09:53 AM
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I'm forty years into my second marriage. My first went three years and my life flourished the moment my ex hit the state line with everything I owned packed in a U Haul trailer that I rented for her. Good riddence. Don't give up Mr. Eagle. It isn't a life sentence.
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  #85  
Old 06-25-2020, 12:26 PM
Neil K Walk Neil K Walk is offline
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There’s an old joke about marriage.

Q: “Why does the husband always die first?
A: “Because he wants to!”

Seriously though, is MA a no fault state? I find it hard to believe that she even has a leg to stand on.
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  #86  
Old 06-25-2020, 12:40 PM
HodgdonExtreme HodgdonExtreme is offline
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Originally Posted by Slothead56 View Post
It was financially devastating and ultimately worth every penny.
If I had a dime for every time I've had a friend/acquaintance say this about their divorce...

I'd have several dollars!
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  #87  
Old 06-25-2020, 04:02 PM
AmericanEagle AmericanEagle is offline
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Originally Posted by Neil K Walk View Post
Seriously though, is MA a no fault state? I find it hard to believe that she even has a leg to stand on.
It is. The courts/judges in my state don’t care about details, don’t care who ruined the marriage, they simply don’t care. All they do is try to divide the assets. In the vast majority of cases, the (ex)-husband is the one that gets destroyed.
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  #88  
Old 06-25-2020, 04:25 PM
AmericanEagle AmericanEagle is offline
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Originally Posted by AX17609 View Post
I totally agree that divorce is one of the most emotionally wrenching experiences a person will ever endure. I've been thru it. Half the guys on this forum have been thru it. NONE of us would ever look forward to doing it again. It is a nightmare.

However, when lawyers meet lawyers and a judge oversees the process, it is ultimately a contract dispute. You are dissolving a corporation. It is critical to view it in that light, or you will get crushed by the other side. I've seen too many guys go into the critical stages thinking that everyone is going to be pals only to discover that the other side doesn't just want to win, they want to take prisoners.

You must view these emotionally charged negotiations dispassionately. That's why you have a lawyer.
100% correct
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Last edited by Kerbie; 06-25-2020 at 04:30 PM. Reason: Edited quote
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  #89  
Old 10-16-2020, 06:18 PM
AmericanEagle AmericanEagle is offline
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I’m still in the fight, not over yet, ex is going after every dollar. Incredible. Never again!
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  #90  
Old 10-17-2020, 09:04 AM
AX17609 AX17609 is offline
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IÂ’m still in the fight, not over yet, ex is going after every dollar. Incredible. Never again!
I don't know you, but I know exactly what you're going thru. I know it accomplishes nothing, but I'm behind you 100%. In the end, you have to have more patience and stubbornness than the other side. They're trying to wear you out. You have to know your leverage and just say, "no" when the deal isn't right.
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