"Just A Song" - original and interesting story

RedJoker · #1 12-27-2019, 09:09 AM

I've been working on this song for a few months but am not really been happy with it yet. I haven't really found a tune or instrumentation that I like with it so I just used this simplified version. That way, I at least have something to fine tune the lyrics with.

Anyway, I sang it at an open mic last night to get crowd reaction. One of the local performers liked it so much that he asked if I could send him the lyrics because he wants to start playing it in some of his gigs. Go figure...

I've since made one or two word changes but you'll get the idea. What are your thoughts? What changes would you make?

Pitar · #2 12-29-2019, 10:32 AM

Wouldn't change a thing at this point. What I would do is use it to develop further as a scratch track. Keeping it as-is is fine for soloing. I'd bring in another guitar on top of the current melody to complement (not command) its presence. From there a bass line (acoustic) could find a good place beneath it and (possibly) a vocal harmony might work on the chorus, or a more commanding solo delivery for it. I'd have to hear it.

At the moment you're giving us a pretty formal vocal delivery, which I think can be made more conversational in style, because it is something you would otherwise say that way in a heart-to-heart (aka more natural). Think Dylan or Waits.

Good song. I was playing along and can definitely see this song finding popularity in a couple genres.

RedJoker · #3 12-31-2019, 01:28 PM

Thanks for the comments, Pitar. I have been working with someone to add some strings in the background but the conversational vocal style is an interesting idea. I'm going to be looking into that. Thanks again!

TBman · #4 12-31-2019, 03:33 PM

Nice tune.

I'd change the title to "I'm Never Alone When I think of You."

Change "Crusts" to "Crumbs" (feeding the birds)

Somehow I think a nice instrumental section would fit in there between verses too (similar to what you did near the end).

This is all coming from a instrumental player who writes tunes in like 30 minutes, LOL, so take it from there

zeeway · #5 12-31-2019, 03:54 PM

I liked it. Vocals and all. I agree that the title could be more interesting: Sorry, I don't have the truth...or something like that.
I think with a harmony pedal (or a harmonizing friend), you could add harmony on the chorus and maybe the bridge to make it more interesting...but it is also good just the way it is.