friends with problems

[Don Lampson]

Originally Posted by Joe Beamish

To go even darker, I’ll paraphrase Alice Munro: By the time your children are in their sixties, they’re really just other people to you, like anyone else.

Unfortunately, extended childhoods of "children" can turn sour, decades earlier... When the problem(s) begin, friends & family, usually try to help, with loans, or excuses, for the pal, or relative, starting to go haywire... Some pull themselves together, and some don't.....

Don

[KevWind]

I am reminded of some lyrics from Dougie Maclean's song "Caledonia"

Oh and I have moved and I've kept on moving
Proved the points that I needed proving
Lost the friends that I needed losing
Found others on the way

[rllink]

I've been following this thread with interest and thinking a lot about my friends, which is really a term sometimes used loosely. I have "friends" that I go to coffee with that I'm not even sure where they live, but I call them friends. Apparently I have 338 of them on Facebook. But more so I've been thinking that I have no friends, real friends, from high school or from college, with the exception of my wife, or from the Navy. My longest running real friend is probably forty years and we worked together for twenty-five of those. I have tons of acquaintances and people I hang with, but he is the only friend I have that I could count on to bail me out of jail or put me up if my wife threw me out and I showed up on his door step one night, with no judgment what-so-ever attached to it. There is a fellow who I worked with as well, just as long, and we go to coffee every Friday morning so I call him a friend, but I really can't share everything with him like you should be able to with a friend. He isn't someone I could count on in a real bind. He is more of a convenience.

Back to high school, there was a fellow I went to high school with but I wouldn't call us friends at that time. But ten years ago I was living in San Juan, Puerto Rico and I ran into him. He had a home in San Juan as well. We started hanging around together a lot and it developed into a real and close friendship, not just a drinking buddy friend. Sadly it lasted five years and then he drowned while swimming laps at the pool.

Anyway, it is an interesting thread that has got me thinking about what a friend is, and that is good.

[EZYPIKINS]

This and a couple other forums is as close as I get to Facebook.

I know people who say they have 1,000's of Facebook friends.

Well if that does it for you. Knock yourself out.

I don't look for approval or likedness from anybody.

If you like or agree or not with what I write. It makes no difference to me.

Mostly just looking for people who understand the same things as me.

Today here in my town. I have 5 friends. I know where 3 live. Have only been inside 1 house.

[Photojeep]

As a Navy brat, I moved around a lot. The university I attended was the 8th school I was enrolled in. I developed the abilty to make "friends" quickly but not too deeply as leaving was a certainty.

In high school, like everyone, I had different groups or circles of friends due to various classes and/or interests. One interest was playing guitar (sorry for the inappropriate reference ) where I met a guy who was a gifted player who dedicated a huge portion of his life to mastering the instrument.

Unlike many of my High School friends, I waited a year after graduation to attend university and I was very surprised by how much many of my friends had changed when we got together over Christmas break, especially this guitar playing friend. He had gotten seriously deep into "recreational chemistry" so I just didn't hang out with him any more. It was just too creepy for me.

Fast forward about 30 years to when I discovered Facebook among several other social-media outlets and who should I find but my former guitar playing friend. Every story he posted about himself and his life was about drugs and his various exploits while high.

It was at that point I was very happy I had moved 2000 miles away from my High School town.

Best,
PJ

[rokdog49]

Originally Posted by Joe Beamish

To go even darker, I’ll paraphrase Alice Munro: By the time your children are in their sixties, they’re really just other people to you, like anyone else.

Never heard of her.
Probably just as well.

[Joe Beamish]

Originally Posted by rokdog49

Never heard of her.
Probably just as well.

She’s a Canadian short storywriter who won the Nobel prize for literature a few years ago, for whatever that’s worth. Nothing, really.

Very insightful writer, though. She is now in her 90s, I would guess, and does indeed have kids in their 60s or older.

[ThermiteTermite]

Originally Posted by rokdog49

To me, classifying addiction as a “disease” was a label our society has assigned that excuses people from making bad choices. It’s a “ conscious bad choice” to do drugs or alcohol not a disease like cancer that we have no control over. I have heard people say “it’s not his fault, he has a disease” in references to addictions.
I’m sure I will receive much pushback on this, but it is his/her fault.
No, they aren’t “good or bad people” by definition, but they did choose badly. The real disorder or disease is what was behind that choice.
They made a bad choice and if they are addicted, they are still choosing badly. People choose to quit everyday. It is difficult, sometimes extremely difficult, but it can and is done.
You can’t “quit” cancer. That’s my definition of a disease.
You may say I’m splitting hairs, but for the record, this is my belief. It would be a waste of your time to try and convince me otherwise.
BTW, I have lost many friends and some family members to addiction and my heart has always been with them.The destruction has been devastating.

So good it is worth posting again.

[Mr. Jelly]

The problem I have with rokdogs outlook is that it doesn't appear to take into account any mental or emotional malfunctions and relys on a persons "will". I find it hard to believe that chemical imbalance and mental problems aren't in the same category as cancer. I'm just saying ......

[KevWind]

rokdogs post is unfortunately prototypical of a large section of the population

[Kerbie]

We also make a lot of conscious choices in our lives that can contribute to, or lead directly to, bouts of cancer. So, I personally choose to be a little more understanding about those who suffer from addictions.

However we feel, let's please keep this discussion polite.

[s2y]

It's tough watching people go down the tubes.

I was probably going to be that guy. I was lucky that my rock bottom was moderate embarrassment. I stopped drinking before clinical rotations started. I was fortunate to see the results of too much booze and other substances front and center. That was enough for me to want to avoid that lifestyle.

Not everyone grows up. I have seen friends and a family member or two suffer because they blame everyone and everything but themselves.