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  #46  
Old 09-18-2020, 05:50 AM
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It is good enough...
I didn't want to copy your whole comment but that's a fantastic perspective but one I struggle with. Not that I disagree, just that I've not been able to make it stick. I still struggle with many things but you've given me a nudge to keep trying to change my perspective, one more day. Thank you!
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  #47  
Old 09-18-2020, 06:57 AM
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I wasn't aware we were related.

Like the "About Schmidt" character, I saw myself through my job, and I thought what I did was very important. When I returned to the building after I retired, I thought that my replacement would welcome my counsel. But, that was not the case. However important my work had been to the company, I was not important anymore. When I worked, I was in charge, and everyone had to care what I thought. Now, no one cares what I think...about anything. Very few people will even read this post, much less respect the thoughts behind it.

Without my job and the feelings of self-worth that my job gave me, I'm pretty empty. My hobbies are unfulfilling, because I'm not very good at them, and they haven't helped me connect with other people. Former colleagues have drifted away. I've made zero new friends since I retired 10 years ago, and I spend most of my time alone. I eat right and exercise regularly, but at 70 my body is now starting to fail me. The vigor is exiting quickly. I'm not looking forward to the next segment of my life, which appears to be directed at managing pain.

Has it been a vacation? No, not hardly. (emphasis added)
I appreciate the honesty and forthrightness of this post. I drives home to me a lesson I was fortunate to learn early on - nobody is indispensable in their job (except, maybe Michael Jordan in his peak). I was good at my job and very conscientious about doing it well, but I left a job in my early 30's because of a long distance family move. That job was, at that point, the clear peak of my professional life, and in some ways still is looking back at it. It was an incredible organization full of really good people and allowed me to reach a level of professionalism I wasn't aware of previously. I went back to visit the area a couple years later and got together for lunch with several of my old colleagues. And while we were all happy to see each other, it was very clear that they'd done just fine without me - in fact I knew the guy who replaced me and recommended him for the job, and he was doing it in some ways better than I had and in others, maybe not quite as well. But they were doing fine without me and I was doing fine in my new job 3000 miles away. I continued to take my profession seriously after that, but I REALLY stopped taking myself too seriously. I'm not sure if I ever had, but I surely didn't after that. I did my job well, it mattered to my clients and co-workers, but ultimately the world would be doing just as well or badly if I hadn't been there.

And I've been having a very happy retirement for the past few years - missed my routine briefly but got over it completely. Now when i run into someone who still works where I had previously, and they start talking about some of the people and the power struggles and office politics, it gives me the willies and I'm really happy to be finished with that phase of my life.

But one honest question, based on your last line of the previous post: When you were working and involved in your career, did you enjoy your vacations then? Because it sort of sounds like the role your job played in your life and your self-perception, it might have been hard to be away from it then as well? I may well be wrong, but I thought I'd ask...

-Ray
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  #48  
Old 09-18-2020, 07:13 AM
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.... to focus on what still is available to me today (rather than focusing in the many things that used to be available in earlier years, but which have been lost, such as a sharp memory, a sense of self-importance, an agile and pain free body, the vitality of youth, etc., etc).
I think this, like most things, gets easier with experience. I was very athletic into my mid-50s and it was a big part of my life and identity. I'd been involved in many athletic endeavors over the years, but from my late 30's through my mid-50s, I was primarily a bicyclist. Which I now realized I was doing because I could no longer play basketball or tennis nearly as well as I could in my 20s and early 30s. But in my mid-50s some health issues got bad enough that they greatly limited my ability to ride hard, long, or often, and slowly I just stopped doing it because I couldn't do it at a level I really enjoyed anymore. For a couple of years, this felt like a major crisis - I felt old, decrepit, like I'd lost a driving force / motivator in my life. But I slowly got over it and started enjoying other things I COULD do. I rekindled an old love of photography, which got me out to do a lot of walking, which had sort of become my primary form of exercise. Low impact, but not bad as it turns out. And then I also rekindled my youthful love of playing guitar.

At one point I was talking to my older brother (by 12 years) who'd been at this getting old thing longer than I had. And he just talked about letting go of the stuff you can't do anymore (because you can't do anything about them) and just focus on enjoying what you CAN do now. And I realized I'd pretty much been doing that since I'd been in my late 20's, when I started realizing I couldn't jump quite as high on a basketball court and couldn't run flat out near as fast for a long pass in a pickup football game. I'd just started finding things I could to well and focussed on those. Photography and Guitar are the two things that really link my youth with my retirement, but I was way from both of them for almost 30 years when I didn't have time to focus on either. But I did them them then and I do them now. And get great pleasure and satisfaction from them. But it took an attitude adjustment to get to this point.

-Ray
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  #49  
Old 09-18-2020, 07:43 AM
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...Personally, I've concluded that unless I occupy a position of authority, I'm an unlikeable person...
With all due respect, and I'm really not trying to be harsh, but is the converse of that statement as true to others as it seems to be to you? Let's face it, being in a position of authority over others is an unbalanced relationship...
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  #50  
Old 09-18-2020, 02:41 PM
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With all due respect, and I'm really not trying to be harsh, but is the converse of that statement as true to others as it seems to be to you? Let's face it, being in a position of authority over others is an unbalanced relationship...
I managed a couple of plants for an international company. I came up through the ranks and knew every aspect inside and out. Everyone, including, upper management wanted my thoughts and opinions on things. What I said carried weight. Two weeks into retirement you couldn't find a soul that cared what I thought. It's a fact of life and the world marches on. I was prepared to some extent as over the years I had watched many people, and some that were highly valued, leave the company. You'd hear a story or two about them and after two weeks you'd never hear their name again.
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  #51  
Old 09-18-2020, 03:33 PM
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I managed a couple of plants for an international company. I came up through the ranks and knew every aspect inside and out. Everyone, including, upper management wanted my thoughts and opinions on things. What I said carried weight. Two weeks into retirement you couldn't find a soul that cared what I thought. It's a fact of life and the world marches on. I was prepared to some extent as over the years I had watched many people, and some that were highly valued, leave the company. You'd hear a story or two about them and after two weeks you'd never hear their name again.
I've never worked in a corporate environment but can understand what you're saying. However, that is different than "Personally, I've concluded that unless I occupy a position of authority, I'm an unlikeable person..."
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  #52  
Old 09-19-2020, 09:34 PM
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Retiring after 20 years military last century, I continued along new career paths, working until 62. Of course I'm proud that I served, but that was a chapter in my life after which I turned the page and moved on. It didn't always feel like it, but today, from this perspective, it was a privilege.

In military, civilian, public or private sector, I've not experienced that authority on its own makes anyone "likeable." In fact, authority without a suitable background/temperament made more than a few players I knew into nasty, petty tyrants. On the other hand, taking responsibility seriously can certainly endow people with a sense of purpose and fulfillment. One could easily come to miss that in retirement.

Once "having to work for a living" ends, it might take some creativity and energy to build purpose and structure into your new day/week/month/year. Think back. What did you sometimes (maybe always) wish you had time to do when you were putting in (+/-) 2080 hours/year at the job? Home? Travel? Maybe volunteer? Something with people? Charity? Critters? Hobbies? Fitness? Guitar? Guitar with others? I'm busier now than ever!

Experiencing (extremely) limited success at finding compatible musical partners before the plague, I recently discovered a weekly open mic guitar circle on Zoom. Now, whenever I find spare moments between family, (endless) household projects and my newfound hobby welding (art), I ALWAYS have some woodshedding to do on guitar/vocals so I have something new to share every week.

Last edited by tinnitus; 09-19-2020 at 11:43 PM.
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  #53  
Old 09-20-2020, 04:50 AM
buddyhu buddyhu is offline
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Originally Posted by RedJoker View Post
I didn't want to copy your whole comment but that's a fantastic perspective but one I struggle with. Not that I disagree, just that I've not been able to make it stick. I still struggle with many things but you've given me a nudge to keep trying to change my perspective, one more day. Thank you!
You are welcome! I sometimes need nudges and inspiration, and I need to keep working on it too. I don’t think it comes naturally to most people... It takes practice, repetition. And like practicing something on guitar, sometimes it needs focused attention, and sometimes it is necessary to slow things down.
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  #54  
Old 09-20-2020, 10:13 AM
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I have one more Summer to work before I pack it in. Obviously, it’s been on my mind.

For the first time ever we’re taking a full weeks vacation at our second home. All the kids are home and we’re having a good time just hanging....fishing, beach, games, meals, music, US Open tennis, walking the dogs, sleeping late, bike rides....all very normal, all very relaxed.

Wondering if this is what retirement feels like....
Nope.....retirement beats it!
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  #55  
Old 09-22-2020, 08:44 PM
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As many have said, vacation is nothing like retirement. I'll have been retired nine years in December and I've never looked back.
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  #56  
Old 09-29-2020, 12:14 PM
TJNies TJNies is offline
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My wife and I retired July 2019. I was 60, she 62. Technically, I was "laid off" as my office was moving to Nashville. They offered to move me, but I was already considering retiring. It was actually beneficial, as I received extensive monetary considerations to stick around until the transition finalized.

Backing up a bit, the decision to retire early was spurred, in part, by numerous family and friends who passed away far too early (early 60s); my brother contracted esophageal cancer, 6 months later my brother-in-law seemed the model of health, dropped over due to an aneurism.

My wife and I had been contributing to 401k at an accelerated rate, living well below our means, no debt etc. Our financial advisor agreed we could make it happen. We decided to enjoy life NOW.

I'm sad to hear of those who struggle with no longer having the self-worth they got through their job. I never defined myself by my work; my work allowed me to do the things I consider important. So perhaps it is easier for me to transition to life away from employment.

It's also a huge benefit that my wife and I love to be together, and are a team when it comes to financial decisions. When the pandemic hit, we decided to start working out in our basement. I'm incredibly impressed with her, as she was never the athletic type. She has lost 12 pounds (and me 18), and we're in better shape now than most people 20 years our junior.
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  #57  
Old 09-30-2020, 10:44 AM
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I have theory that I've used to guide my life. I divided it into three parts. The first was confusion and uncertainty. Just getting through my youth was hard. I had very little control over it. The second third I settled down, found a path, got married, had kids and spent that third of my life buying a house, raising a family, getting my kids set up for success so that they would move out eventually and not move back in. And I put a lot of time and energy climbing the ladder with my career. Now I'm retired in that third and final part of my life, my reward for playing the game.

When I was young there were all these things I wanted to be, but instead I ended up being what I was. After retiring from a long and somewhat successful career with a darn good retirement plan I can go out now and be whatever I want to be and not worry about a thing. I write novels, I go out busking and hang out with my friends, I stay up late and get up when I feel like it. Buy stuff I couldn't afford when I had to feed, clothe and shelter two kids. I drink too much and don't have to worry about getting up and going to work. I mean, this is what I wanted to do when I was younger, except I had to be a responsible adult instead. I love my life right now. This is not a vacation.

Last edited by rllink; 09-30-2020 at 12:52 PM.
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  #58  
Old 09-30-2020, 12:18 PM
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...When the pandemic hit, we decided to start working out in our basement. I'm incredibly impressed with her, as she was never the athletic type. She has lost 12 pounds (and me 18), and we're in better shape now than most people 20 years our junior.
Congrats on retirement and getting into shape. Does all that Rolling Rock help or hinder your current situation???
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  #59  
Old 09-30-2020, 03:02 PM
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Congrats on retirement and getting into shape. Does all that Rolling Rock help or hinder your current situation???
Well, Rolling Rock moved out of Latrobe many years ago (to Newark NJ...).
But I didn't grow up here, so perhaps I never acquired a taste for that swill.
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  #60  
Old 10-01-2020, 06:24 AM
Neil K Walk Neil K Walk is offline
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Well, Rolling Rock moved out of Latrobe many years ago (to Newark NJ...).
But I didn't grow up here, so perhaps I never acquired a taste for that swill.
So, no "ahrn" either?
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