Thanksgiving Reflection: In a Year of Turmoil, What Are You Most Grateful For?

[raysachs]

Originally Posted by Charmed Life Picks

Ray, thank you for baring your soul. It's just heartbreaking, but we can't save everyone. One of my stepsisters, a very bright person with a degree but with a mean streak and a victim mentality, has chosen to be a bag lady. None of us talk to her, and she is a lost soul.

I pray you will find peace in this eventually, and that you'll come to be kind to yourself for all you did for this troubled soul. You fought the good fight, Ray. Be easy on yourself.

Originally Posted by Charmed Life Picks

Such power and bravery in all the responses here. I'm truly touched and humbled.

Interestingly, Ray, my son-in-law is going through some similar issues with the son from his first marriage.

It took me decades to let myself off the hook for things I did to hurt others, or things I didn't do and shouldn't have. But we are human. We are imperfect. And we are not all-powerful.

Finally I learned the hard lesson in a saying I came to realize: "Let's stop convicting ourselves of crimes we haven't committed."

It took me a long time to learn that lesson. Go easy on yourself.

Scott,

Thanks much for your very supportive responses here. But don’t worry about me. Adam hasn’t lived with us in something like 13-14 years. My wife and I have long since made peace with our roles in his life. We know we did everything we could. It was very difficult balancing wanting to do everything we could for him while still being the best parents we could for our daughters. It was not an easy balance to achieve and I know we were imperfect in it, but looking back, I don’t second guess the effort. We did as well as we could with it and I think much better than I was sometimes concerned we were doing at the time.

Bottom line, don’t worry about me - I’m not beating myself up at all over this. I know we stepped up and my wife’s folks stepped up when a few other key people in Adam’s life could have but didn’t. I’m not blaming us or feeling any guilt. Of course I WISH we could have done more but I don’t think we could have. And, honestly, with my wife’s expertise and unending love and compassion, I think we/she did as well as anyone could have.

We’re OK, we’re just sad and mourning for a kid we loved, who was part of our family for many years, who’s gone now. Who never really had a chance and didn’t beat the odds - they caught up with him almost as fast as we feared they would. These are sad days, but we’re at peace with what we did for him. We didn’t break him, we gave him some very good years, and ultimate neither we nor anyone else in his life could fix him. We’ll always miss him and be sad for him. And we’ll always remember the many happy times with him. Which in the days immediately following his death, seem to be all I can really remember. The bad days fade but the love will always be there.

-Ray

[Neil K Walk]

I am grateful that my autistic son is living in a better place and is enrolled in the special school we should have enrolled him in 4 years ago. While we were unable to even visit with him my wife baked a turkey breast and bought a cake from the grocery which I took over for his caretakers to serve for him.

I am grateful that my mother is in a senior home where she gets clean sheets, clean towels, three meals provided for her, and has a "dining partner" to provide conversation. We weren't able to visit with her either but we did call and I'm sure once things stabilize again in the public health sector we'll be able to get together.

I am grateful that my wife's career is stable. Not only is she able to work remotely full time but she also took a promotion where she has to work less hours and have less stress.

I am grateful that my wife, younger son and I can now sit at the dinner table every night when before we were lucky to have family dinners more than once a week. Our Thanksgiving meal was quiet and intimate, though my wife DID go all out.

I am grateful that my efforts to renovate the house through all of this are actually being met with support. I'm also quite proud of what I've accomplished with my own two hands.

Most of all, I am grateful that (despite the sadness of separation and anxiety of the unknown) our immediate circle of family and friends are not affected adversely in their physical health.

[marty bradbury]

Originally Posted by Dru Edwards

I'm thankful for my great AGF friends.

Nice! Back at ya Dru,

[Scholar]

There are a great many things for which to be grateful this year, the most obvious of which -- at least in my case -- is that I'm still above ground.

I haven't posted much at all in recent times, but this thread caught my eye.

In addition to dealing with the whole COVID situation, my family and I survived an earthquake (m4.5) right outside our front door here in Zagreb. It made quite a mess, and the city is still rebuilding. Given the tons of masonry that landed in the street about 5 meters from our front door, things could have been much worse. I'm grateful we survived it, of course. I might have posted something about it at the time -- I can't remember, but then, I'm now officially an old geezer and my memory is crap.

But that wasn't the real 2020 kicker.

At about this time last year, my doc sent me for an ultrasound to check out a minor complaint that turned out to be nothing. However, the ultrasound indicated that there might be something else going on. I felt fine, and my blood work was normal, but still...

My dad and my uncle (his older brother) died three years apart, both at age 69, and both from pancreatic cancer.

That ultrasound was three days after my 69th birthday.

Yeah.

On New Year's Eve 2019, I had surgery for pancreatic cancer and gave the big adios to part of my pancreas, my spleen, and a size 4 adenocarcinoma. The surgeon told me that the surgery normally gives patients "another few months."

Forum rules prevent me from sharing my verbatim response.

After a brief, unhelpful, and really nasty experience with chemo, I fell in with a guy here who's both an MD and a naturopath. He took me in hand and I haven't looked back.

I just turned 70. My surgery will have been a year ago come New Year's Eve. I feel fine, apart from some annoying hernia problems I'll have to get repaired -- indirect side-effect of that annoying chemo experience.

Given the above, I'm keenly aware of how much I have to be grateful for, and I try to show my gratitude every day.

[J Patrick]

...I’m always most grateful for my wife and two daughters...them comes the dog...then comes the beautiful Abiqua valley where I live on a lovely six acre farm...then comes music and all that entails...

[Photojeep]

I'm grateful for the love of an amazing woman, two wonderful children (now adults), 3 grandsons and 2 granddaughters. I'm also grateful for having found this forum. I've not only learned far more than I've contributed, but I have found a place where I can geek out on guitars without eye-rolling and snickers.

I'm grateful for my health in spite of potentially needing a second knee replacement (also grateful people only come with two knees!)

I'm grateful for the blessings in my life, both material and spiritual, and the gift of so many friends I've made during my life. Unfortunately, some are long forgotten, some have passed away, but many are still near and helping me to be a better person in spite of my efforts to the contrary.

I'm grateful for the world in all its beauty and its imperfections. (I read somewhere that a perfect world would be boring ...)

I'm grateful for my life.

Best,
PJ

[Bug Guy]

@RaySachs: I have a good friend who is going through a similar situation in trying to help raise a challenged grandchild whose mom is a drug addict. The dad is in prison. The grandson has been adversely affected by his mother's drug use during pregnancy. I see them going through something similar to what you and your family have gone through. Good for you for trying. You may not have been able to save Adam from himself, but you did at least try your best to give him a good life while he was with you. A toast to you, sir!

[Bug Guy]

I am grateful for:

• Having a job that is considered essential
• Being COVID-free so far
• My loving and loyal wife of 18 years
• Nature
• My cats
• Fine Scotch

[Don W]

I am grateful to be sober for many years now with my wonderful wife.
I am grateful to be retired now and covid free
I am grateful to have a roof over my head and food to eat
I am grateful for my friends
I am grateful I learned to play guitar
And much more....

[Bridgepin]

This has not changed in 40 years, every morning I wake up next to the most beautiful and supportive wife I could every imagine.