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  #1  
Old 07-25-2021, 05:31 PM
MrDB MrDB is offline
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Default Quit The Band Today

We have a 6 person band. A bunch of guys that like to have fun and play music together. We aren't great by any means but people seem to have a good time when we play and we keep getting hired back so we must be doing something right.

One guy has some pretty significant emotional health issues. Decent guy most of the time but one of those edgy, powder keg personality types. He's gone off a couple of times and tested my patience as I have no tolerance for drama or stupidity.

We had a gig Sat nite 8-12 at a place we've played at several times. We meet at 6 to start setting up. This guy shows up in a foul mood, drops off some equipment and leaves. Says he "might not be back". So we finish setting up and leave a spot for him between me and the other guitar player but we don't set up a mic since we can do that in just a minute or two so no need to worry.

Guy shows up about ten til 8, notices there's no mic set up for him and goes into nuclear meltdown, F bombing everybody in the band at the top of his lungs and then stomps off and leaves.

So that's it for me. I'm done. Too bad as I was having a lo of fun but toxic people have a habit of ruining everything.
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Old 07-25-2021, 05:34 PM
Kerbie Kerbie is offline
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Sorry to hear that, DB. Sounds like you need to stay and he needs to go.
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Old 07-25-2021, 05:41 PM
stokes1971 stokes1971 is offline
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Sorry to hear that, DB. Sounds like you need to stay and he needs to go.
Yeah, this.
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Old 07-25-2021, 05:48 PM
jklotz jklotz is offline
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Just tell the rest of the band your desire and let them choose who stays and who goes? Maybe they all feel the same way you do.
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Old 07-25-2021, 05:54 PM
frankmcr frankmcr is offline
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Yeah, really. Band Meeting time!
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Old 07-25-2021, 06:41 PM
6L6 6L6 is online now
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The guy who founded our Classic 50/60’s Oldies band back in 1985 played bass. As time went on he kept turning up the bass and blowing us off the stage.

Band members got together after about three years of this and told him to turn down or else. He wouldn’t turn down and we unanimously voted to fire him. We owed him big time for putting together the band and we were having much greater success than we dreamed possible. But enough was enough and we fired him.

The band hired a new bass player and we ended up gigging a total of 27 years before hanging it up in 2012.

Fire the guy causing the trouble and get back with your band.
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Old 07-25-2021, 07:03 PM
hairpuller hairpuller is offline
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Tell him he’s welcome to roadie for you.
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Old 07-25-2021, 07:30 PM
FingahPickah FingahPickah is offline
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How did the other four members react?

Were they ok with this behavior?

They'd continue to play with him after you've left?
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Old 07-25-2021, 08:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kerbie View Post
Sorry to hear that, DB. Sounds like you need to stay and he needs to go.
I agree, can't be said much better than that.
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Old 07-25-2021, 08:18 PM
MrDB MrDB is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FingahPickah View Post
How did the other four members react?

Were they ok with this behavior?

They'd continue to play with him after you've left?
The other guys are apparently much more tolerant of his outbursts than I am. Call it enabling or whatever you want but he always apologizes, they say no problem buddy it's okay, he says it won't happen again. Of course it always happens again. Some of the bandmates have been friends with him since high school so I assume they are immune to it by now.

I'm not going to put them in the middle by making demands of him or me. I can go back to playing in my guitar room with a looper and be happy.
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Old 07-25-2021, 08:25 PM
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Teleplucker Teleplucker is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrDB View Post
The other guys are apparently much more tolerant of his outbursts than I am. Call it enabling or whatever you want but he always apologizes, they say no problem buddy it's okay, he says it won't happen again. Of course it always happens again. Some of the bandmates have been friends with him since high school so I assume they are immune to it by now.

I'm not going to put them in the middle by making demands of him or me. I can go back to playing in my guitar room with a looper and be happy.
Let the other guys know how you feel and call it a day if the trouble maker stays. If you are not playing music for a living there is no reason to put up with the behavior you are describing.
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  #12  
Old 07-25-2021, 08:33 PM
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There are a lot of players in the world looking for someone to get together with for some music. Open mics are a good place to find interesting talent. Sitting in a park playing a guitar can sometimes lure in some interesting players.

What you describe is a bummer and the decision it forces is wrenching. But you have lots of options and can look at the situation as presenting a new frontier.
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Old 07-25-2021, 10:35 PM
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Wrong person quit. Sorry to hear it. But I don’t tolerate abuse like that when I’m not at work.
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  #14  
Old 07-25-2021, 10:47 PM
fumei fumei is offline
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Talk it with the others. Tell them what you are thinking, that you are done with bad behavior. If they want you hopefully they will say so.

Bad behavior should never be rewarded. Ever.

I once quit a band because two people kept on smoking pot until they were stupid. I mean really stupid. I tried and tried to work with them, but if the two of you can not even play the same song....yikes.
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  #15  
Old 07-26-2021, 05:12 AM
leew3 leew3 is offline
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Sounds like a tough situation and I'm sorry to hear you are in it. Given what you've said, you made the right choice.
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