An original: A Thief in the Night (songwriting comments requested)

[BoneDigger]

This is a song I wrote about running into an old love interest. It has a bit of electric guitar in it, so it's not exactly acoustic only. Anyway, I would request some constructive comments on this. Requesting comments not only about the content/lyrics, but about the mix as well. I don't have a lot of local friends who have a music background to review this. It's a bit long.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B63...ew?usp=sharing

Todd

Nicely done!

[BoneDigger]

Thanks! I appreciate that.

[Murphy Slaw]

Anyone with an ex can relate, and that's a huge part of the population !

Sounds like old Country and Western, and I like it.

Perhaps a touch less lead noodling during the vocals. Fills are okay during breaths.

Then again, what the heck do I know.........

[SalFromChatham]

I like it.
Thanks for sharing it..
Agreed with Murph on the fills....

[BoneDigger]

Thanks everyone! Yes, I'm going to work on this some more. I'm going to take out the background noodling, bring the vocals up a bit, and drop the acoustic rhythm back some. I'm also going to bring up the drum track a bit. I'll post a revised version maybe tomorrow.

[BoneDigger]

Here's a revised version. Let me know what you think.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B63...w?usp=drivesdk

[catdaddy]

Just a performance suggestion- capo up a half-step. I think it will suit your voice a bit better. You've got a good tenor voice but in places during the verses I hear you bottoming out your range. Taking it up a half-step should help keep your voice in the sweet spot of your range.

[RedJoker]

Originally Posted by catdaddy

Just a performance suggestion- capo up a half-step. I think it will suit your voice a bit better. You've got a good tenor voice but in places during the verses I hear you bottoming out your range. Taking it up a half-step should help keep your voice in the sweet spot of your range.

I agree with this. Try a few different keys to see what fits best for your voice.

I liked the song but did you record the vocals with stereo mics? I listened with headphones and it seemed like your voice was drifting back and forth. It was a bit distracting for me even though the performance was really good.

On the other hand, my headphones could be acting goofy, which has happened before. If that's the case, please ignore this comment.

[BoneDigger]

Thanks to all of you for the comments! I agree with what has been said. I'll also add that the vocals sound kind of shrill to me. Too much high frequency. I noticed that I wasn't singing from my chest, but more from my throat. Also, I recorded the vocals with the rhythm, so I can't isolate them. I am going to go back and redo the vocals.

RJ, I haven't noticed the vocals switching sides, but I did use two mics. When I redo the vocals I'm going to use only one.

[RedJoker]

Originally Posted by BoneDigger

RJ, I haven't noticed the vocals switching sides, but I did use two mics. When I redo the vocals I'm going to use only one.

Well, that's good for you but bad for me. I was listening through my flaky headphones so it's likely an issue on my end.

[darrwhit]

Really nice, BoneDigger. I listened all the way through, and the song felt polished and complete without getting tiresome. The rhythm guitar is tasteful, and I thought your voice complemented the song quite well. Very nicely done sir!

[rokdog49]

I agree with the comments on the key and your vocal range.
I like your vocals and the acoustic work.
Since I have a lot of experience with my shortcomings in regard to putting together a recorded self-written song, I hesitate to be too critical.
So forgive my boldness but the electric guitar solo doesn't work for me.
I'm not criticizing your playing, I just don't think it works. it's a bluesy minor pentatonic scale. Try a major pentatonic scale instead. If you need a point of reference listen to what Dickey Betts does in "Ramblin' Man"
As always, it's just me and what I hear.

[BoneDigger]

Okay, I brought up the drums and bass a bit and tried to EQ the high end so it's not too shrill. I don't really want to re-record the song right at the moment, so there's not much I can do about the vocals being out of my range. I may re-record this at a later date.

Give it a listen and let me know what you think about the changes...

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B63...ew?usp=sharing

Todd

[catdaddy]

It's a better mix. Rolling off some of the high end was a good move. I can hear the percussion now. It's a nice addition. I'm still not sure I'm hearing any bass though. To my ear there is a perfect balance between your vocal and the acoustic guitar.