ugh family

[rokdog49]

You have my sympathies and you can certainly vent, it's healthy sometimes.
The toughest part of family situations as in this case are the potential feelings of guilt that so often cause continued enabling followed by resentment. Then it becomes a never-ending cycle.
Your brother is doing what he has always done because it's always worked. He is a parasite.
When you cease to be a part of his game, he will move on to his next victim, family or not.
I have seen this and worse in our own family. It usually does not end well.

[The Bard Rocks]

Originally Posted by RP

... but you might as well buy lottery tickets as wish for your brother to change. That's totally up to him. Control what you can and accept what you can't.

..

There it is - buy him a lottery ticket and if he asks again you can say, "I already gave you the chance for $6 million. what did you do with it all?"

[TaoMaas]

Lucky for me, I don't have these kinds of problems because I AM the black sheep in my family. But...that's a relative thing. I don't hit my family up for money. I'm just the only one without a degree. However, I have had experience with this stuff coming from my ex's side of the family. She has a niece who always depended upon my ex to help her out financially. Every time, there would be a promise to repay the loan ASAP, but then she'd ghost us for 6 months or however long she thought it would take for us to get over being mad. I sometimes wonder if my ex is still being the gravy train for her niece. Eh...not my problem any more, thank goodness. I also have a friend who is constantly working people to see how much he can get out of them. His parents finally kicked him out when he was about 45 and got a restraining order so he could no longer contact them. Once, when he was feeling sorry for himself, he said, "Why won't anyone help me?" I told him, "Dude...EVERYONE has tried to help you. Your folks let you live with them for almost 20 years after you lost your job, but you never looked for another one. Then 6-7 of our friends took you in for months on end, but you never got a job or offered to help with the rent. They were all trying to help you. The only one who is not trying to help you...is you."

[PorkPieGuy]

Dealing with family is so hard. I hate this for you.

[rmp]

well, if it's your brother, you can say no.

when it's your daughter with three of her own, not so easily done.

don't ask me how I know this..

[Rockysdad]

Well,...…… you know the old saying, * You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family*
It seems to me that *most* families have some sort of *thing* to get through, I know that doesn't help, but, you're not alone.
I happen to believe venting is a good thing.

[Tico]

I'm actually kinda glad the only thing that anyone in my family has left to anyone is a phone bill.

Money often brings out the worst in family members.

[Neil K Walk]

Originally Posted by rmp

well, if it's your brother, you can say no.

when it's your daughter with three of her own, not so easily done.

don't ask me how I know this..

Exactly. One of my sons will likely never be able to support himself because he is mentally challenged. I’m doing my ****edest to make sure that his brother doesn’t have to carry him - or think poorly of him. Based on your earlier posts I see now I have to watch what I say about them in their presence VERY carefully.

Thanks for all the support guys. I should note that my other brother has never acted this way. He has had a tough life but has never once asked for a handout. He's a good guy and has honor. Funny how siblings can be so different from each other.

[jnidoh]

J-Doug, hang in there. The last 35 years with my B-I-L has taught me patience and how to smile sweetly when I say no.

The only problem is the kids. You can't let them go hungry or sit back and ignore the fact that they need shoes, clothes or even basic med and dental care. Sometimes the parents make out on the deal but that's life.

john

[Neil K Walk]

Originally Posted by J-Doug

Thanks for all the support guys. I should note that my other brother has never acted this way. He has had a tough life but has never once asked for a handout. He's a good guy and has honor. Funny how siblings can be so different from each other.

So you have two brothers? That sheds some light on the matter. Are you the oldest and he the youngest? Just curious.

Originally Posted by Neil K Walk

So you have two brothers? That sheds some light on the matter. Are you the oldest and he the youngest? Just curious.

Oldest brother (9 years older than me) = normal
Middle brother (7 years older than me) = lying jerk
Youngest brother (me) = normal (mostly)

[JCave]

Originally Posted by Tico

Money often brings out the worst in family members.

Certainly been that way in my dis-functional family. Oddly enough, only two of five exhibited their inner self. The younger brothers never asked anybody for anything. I am the middle of those younger brothers, not exactly normal some say. Older sister and oldest brother geeze oh boy, does the world owe them.

[Fogducker]

The best way to get along with the various relatives is to, borrow from the rich ones and then loan to the poor!

That way they will ALL avoid you!

Fog

[AmericanEagle]

I have been going through this over the years with my adult stepson. When he sees me, he doesn’t see a stepdad, he sees an ATM machine. He owes me thousands. I finally cut him off completely. He “punished” me by not letting me see his baby, my grandson. Oh well. I’m sure he has already moved on to his next victim.