What's the funniest song you do?

[jim1960]

I usually save the funny for the in between song chatter but I did write a song called Venus and Mars that encouraged laughter and awkward conversations. Here are the lyrics...

Venus and Mars

I like football on Sunday afternoons
I watch it all day in my underwear
Maybe that’s too much information
But I’m a guy and we just don’t care

You buy things that make the house smell sweet
You yell at me when I don’t lift the seat
You call my friends names I can’t repeat
But without you, life’s incomplete

You see that’s just the way things are
When worlds collide
I’m onion dip, you’re caviar
You’re from Venus and I’m from Mars

You’ve gone from spinning the bottle and Barbie dolls
To antique stores and shopping malls
I’ve had a similar evolution
I’ve gone from sports and beer to sports and microbreweries

I was married once when I was young
For two whole years I didn’t talk to her
It's not that I had nothing to say
It's just that I didn’t want to interrupt

You see that’s just the way things are
When worlds collide
You’re fresh flowers, I’m a smelly cigar
You’re from Venus and I’m from Mars

spoken: “I was going to sing that line backwards...I’m from Mars and you’re from Venus...but I could only think of one word that rhymes with Venus and I wanted to maintain the song’s PG rating”

You like to make the bed everyday
And that’s never made much sense to me
If we’re gonna mess up the sheets later anyway
Perhaps I’d better save my energy

You see that’s just the way things are
When worlds collide
I’m a black hole, you’re a morning star
You’re from Venus and I’m from Mars
Of the two of us, you’re the best by far
You’re from Venus and I’m from Mars

[Tadmcd]

[depending upon the audience, replacing the word "Heck" with another exclamatory and, well, four-letter word, gives the song a bit of a kick and jocularity.]

Ode to Widow Jones

I told Cletus where to meet us
There was things we must discuss
Jethro Jones had lost his life
Was up to us to tell his wife.

He'd never had the time to jump
When the tree had parted from its stump
The outhouse took away his chance
When Jethro Jones had dropped his pants.

That tree fell down both true and straight
To squash him dead, to seal his fate
Tell her fact there weren't no squallin'
When Jethro's God did come a'callin'.

One of us has got to say
Gotta tell his wife about today
Ain't no reason she should know
Where he was, about the blow.

You do it Cletus, the boys all said
You tell his wife ole Jethro's dead
He weren't that smart the boys had heard
But Cletus had the way with words.

He had a nip, just a little shine
To calm his nerves, to ease his mind
To take that walk to Jethro's house
And break the sad news to his spouse.

He ambled on, formin' up his plan
How to break the news about her man
To say the words 'bout his decease
How to say it soft and give her peace.

Licked down his hair, tucked in his shirt
Boots diggin' furrows in the dirt
Widdah Jones! Widdah Jones! he cried
'Til Maybelle finally come outside.

Stop yellin' so, Maybelle said
I ain't no widow, ain't no one dead
My man Jethro's full of life
You know I ain't no dead man's wife.

The words had failed him in his need
To tell it right so she would heed
His knees were weak, his mind grew faint
Then Cletus hollered, Heck you ain't!

That tree fell down both true and straight
To squash him dead, to seal his fate
Tell Widow Jones there ain't no squallin'
Cuz Jethro's God had come a'callin'.
Cuz Jethro's God had come a'callin'.

[oh, i wrote it.]

[RustyAxe]

"Origin of Species" Chris Smither
"Send Me to Glory in a Glad Bag"
"Huggin' and Chalkin'" Hoagy Carmichael

[Cypress Knee]

Mike Cross has written some good ones. They can be found on an album called Mike Cross: The Best of the Funny Stuff. One example - Elma Turn. Here is the opening line:
"Elma Turl is a beautiful girl, and I'd love to have her for my wife,
She's just the kind of woman who could make me happy for the rest of my life
My daddy said, "Son, there's something you don't know, and it's something I
think you oughter
Elma Turl is a beautiful girl; but son, she's my daughter."

If anyone is listening, the killer punch line is at the end of the song.

Antsy McClain and the Trailer Park Troubadours have some amusing material too, such as "I Married Up" and "Prozac Made Me Stay".

"She's in her brown fuzzy slippers and a mustard yellow Terry Clothier robe
She's got her mail-order Richard Petty earrings dangling from each lobe
She's got her hair up in rollers and the rollers are mountain dew cans
She's a picture of grace with that grilled spam n' cheese in her hands"

etc...

"I married up...."

[guitargabor]

Camp Granada by Allan Sherman.

Many in my audience don't get the humor of this song.

[FingahPickah]

My Eggs Don't Taste the Same Without You

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJhgJ-7J2Go

[Deliberate1]

Originally Posted by guitargabor

Camp Granada by Allan Sherman.

Many in my audience don't get the humor of this song.

Agreed. His album, My Son the Folk Singer, was an influential part of my musical upbringing. OK, my entire childhood.

David

[raysachs]

Originally Posted by guitargabor

Camp Granada by Allan Sherman.

Many in my audience don't get the humor of this song.

Oh yeah! I grew up on Allan Sherman. Never tried doing any of his stuff. He's just such a wonderful non-singer type of hilarious singer...

-Ray

[mclarry53]

Originally Posted by raysachs

Oh yeah! I grew up on Allan Sherman. Never tried doing any of his stuff. He's just such a wonderful non-singer type of hilarious singer...

-Ray

Yes! My dad had every one of Allan Sherman's albums. When I get together with a certain bunch of friends, we always play/sing "Don't Buy the Liverwurst"!

[Steve DeRosa]

Originally Posted by turtlejimmy

...So, what funny songs do you'll have out there?

You're so Sweet (Horseflies Keep Hangin' Round Your Face) (Neil Diamond - also IME makes a great break-up song )
Kosovo (parody of the Beach Boys' "Kokomo")
Brooklynese (another parody, this one of Schooner Fare's "Quebecois")
Itsy-bitsy Teenie-weenie Achy-breaky Ding-a-Ling (original, the supposed product of a collaboration between Brian Hyland, Billy Ray Cyrus, and Chuck Berry)

[Brent Hahn]

Originally Posted by raysachs

Oh yeah! I grew up on Allan Sherman. Never tried doing any of his stuff. He's just such a wonderful non-singer type of hilarious singer...

-Ray

He comes off that way, but he was extraordinarily musical. Big voice, wonderful texture, great natural phrasing. He totally knew what he was doing.