Dear John...

tinnitus · #1 08-05-2021, 02:14 PM

I don't know how many here have resorted to social media, dedicated sites, craigslist, emails, etc., in search of other musicians, but it occurs to me that the search for compatible players is very much parallel to seeking romance.

I'm fully immersed in the process once again, looking for a singer/guitarist (not for romance - Mrs. Tinnitus would frown upon that). I'm having a good laugh with/about some of the players I'm meeting online.

To save everyone time and energy, I'm extremely specific about what I'm hoping to accomplish:
- Acoustic guitar duo playing classic rock covers (sample song list included).
- Please contact me if you can sing and play some guitar.
- Here's the large geographical area I'm willing to commute.
- Practice once a week.
- Open mic now and then, maybe a monthly gig someday.
- Would prefer to play/sing with male vs female.

But like so many dating scenarios (from what I've seen of them), the Craigslist responses I receive typically include any combination herein:
Full band with electric guitars, bass, keyboard, drummer, 45-60 minutes away, practice 3-4 times a week to start gigging Fri and Sat every week, females singing indie originals.

All of those are easy enough for me to say thanks and respectfully pass. But then there's the sneaky ones who appear to engage in the acoustic duo concept just long enough to generate some common interest - and then think I won't notice things changing:
- I really, really like those 100 songs you listed, but I don't actually know any of them.
- Let's play 80s hair metal, but unplugged.
- My friend plays electric guitar and wants to join us.
- I'm going to switch to bass.
- You sit there and wait while I fuss with this 40-button digital effects pedal.
- This is "classic rock." I wrote it in Seattle last week.
- Here's a backing track with some bass, drums and creepy, eerie electronic "vocal" harmonies I recorded.
- Etc., etc.

So at some point, I recognize this doesn't remotely resemble what I set out to do musically - and I can't force myself to go on. I must extricate myself, hopefully without insulting people, hurting feelings or making enemies.

Maybe some of you have been in this spot a time or two as well?

"Dear John,
Thanks for inviting me over to jam. Listen man, I've given this some thought and it's not you, but..."

Dru Edwards · #2 08-05-2021, 02:54 PM

It is a relationship, isn't it? Need to bond and have common interests, just like someone's "better half". Opposites may attract but may not last.

Tahitijack · #3 08-05-2021, 03:15 PM

You are probably not looking in the right places. Finding playing partners is often best through networking and avoiding the disappointment of Bandmix, craigslist and other social media platforms. I moved to Kirkland, WA and within a few weeks was in a band. Within months I discovered that one of my neighbors had a recording studio in his home. He produced radio commercials for local businesses and played drums. Another neighbor played folk music, not my thing, but we found some common ground from time to time. I had no idea he played until one evening his wife called to ask if I could come help him move furniture if I wasn't too busy...I said I was just playing my guitar..no problem. He had a nice smile when I showed up at the door...and a very nice Martin in the living room. The band? Oh, I told our realtor I hoped we could find a home with enough rooms for me to have a music room...she said her husband played drums in a jazz trio but really wanted to play rock. I found the bass player at my office and the other guitar player ran an add in CL, which in this case worked. Good luck and keep telling everyone you know what you want to do...friends family co-workers, church, treat it like a job search.

tinnitus · #4 08-05-2021, 03:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dru Edwards

It is a relationship, isn't it? Need to bond and have common interests, just like someone's "better half". Opposites may attract but may not last.

Oh well, this isn't exactly what I was hoping for, but for the time being...

ghostnote · #5 08-05-2021, 03:22 PM

You don't seem to be asking too much, although I don't know what's on your song list. But remember, this is the internet, the great equalizer where every oddball and weirdo is looking for an opportunity to be themselves.
Good luck.

tinnitus · #6 08-05-2021, 03:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tahitijack

You are probably not looking in the right places. Finding playing partners is often best through networking and avoiding the disappointment of Bandmix, craigslist and other social media platforms. I moved to Kirkland, WA and within a few weeks was in a band. Within months I discovered that one of my neighbors had a recording studio in his home. He produced radio commercials for local businesses and played drums. Another neighbor played folk music, not my thing, but we found some common ground from time to time. I had no idea he played until one evening his wife called to ask if I could come help him move furniture if I wasn't too busy...I said I was just playing my guitar..no problem. He had a nice smile when I showed up at the door...and a very nice Martin in the living room. The band? Oh, I told our realtor I hoped we could find a home with enough rooms for me to have a music room...she said her husband played drums in a jazz trio but really wanted to play rock. I found the bass player at my office and the other guitar player ran an add in CL, which in this case worked. Good luck and keep telling everyone you know what you want to do...friends family co-workers, church, treat it like a job search.

Absolutely! I'm finding some feasible prospects at open mics now that plague restrictions have relaxed somewhat (at least so far this week). In fact I carry a simple business card with my contact info, a picture of an acoustic guitar and plenty of white space to scribble a note. Networking is king because you never know where your next lead might pop up.

I'm just getting a big chuckle from how similar this all is to the contemporary dating game. I'm REALLY glad I'm not single and looking for romance in this century.

dirkronk · #7 08-05-2021, 07:47 PM

So really, it's a case of Looking for Mr. Good-Barre Chords, yes?

Sorry. Couldn't resist.

Dirk

tinnitus · #8 08-05-2021, 10:49 PM

LOL!!! Yes, and don't string me along.

MrDB · #9 08-06-2021, 07:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tinnitus

LOL!!! Yes, and don't string me along.

There are a lot of nuts out there that will saddle you with their drama. Good for you that you aren't fretting over it.

reeve21 · #10 08-06-2021, 07:51 AM

Don't fall for any pickup lines, John. But sometimes you have to stick your neck out

It's kind of a long commute, but I liked you ad and would be happy to pick a few tunes with you

rllink · #11 08-06-2021, 08:33 AM

The last two musicians I've teamed up with, the first one I met busking a local art festival. We were both doing our own thing, but we met and got together. Unfortunately we both had differing opinions on a lot of things, not just music, and went our own way after a while. But we gave it a try. The second I met at an open mic/jam get together that I found on Facebook and we had a two year run before he recently moved out of state.

I've not advertised on line ever. I am on line looking for opportunities to meet people In the wild though. In the little town I live in now there is a loose group of local musicians who meet up regularly for coffee. Lots of connections are made there. Lots of people show up looking for someone to play with. I also meet people at open mic and jam sessions at local establishments. When I lived in San Juan most of the musicians who busked in Old San Juan meet at a bar later in the evening for drinks. It was a great group and sometimes someone would show up looking for someone to do a gig. I mean, just getting out and introducing myself to people. I was doing a little solo thing at a book store last week that my friend who moved was going to do with me and a young lady working there joined me in a few songs. She is already in a band and is a lot younger than me, but the point is, it is a connection that might lead to someone else.

fazool · #12 08-06-2021, 09:02 AM

Tinnitus, in the spirit of "misery loves company" check out my recent thread HERE

tinnitus · #13 08-06-2021, 10:08 AM

Given the parallels between looking for other musicians and dating, my latest "blind date" was last night.

Mrs. Tinnitus knows I need music and totally blesses my efforts. "Good luck, I hope it works out."

In order to not waste anybody's time, my Craigslist ads are pretty specific:
- Need a lead singer (male voice - see my list below). I sing strong harmonies.
- Acoustic guitar duo.
- Mostly classic rock, including a sample list of a few dozen songs (from several hundred I can play very well with pleasing two-part acoustic arrangements and accurate harmony vocals):
Beatles (only their more obscure stuff), Skynyrd, Clapton/Dominoes, Neil Young, ELP, Badfinger, Petty, Aerosmith, Who, Savoy Brown, Dave Mason, Stones, Floyd, Tull, Hendrix, Moody Blues, Mannasas, Zep, Allmans, Dylan, etc., etc.

So this local guy connects with me and I show up on time hoping there might be some crossover in our repertoires...

He doesn't sing a dang note! Won't even try. Kind of plays Secret Agent Man, The Letter (wrong key) and 4/5 of the chords to The Passenger. That's it!!! On an unplugged electric guitar.

Sat and bragged about being the non-singing guitarist in various punk rock bands he once had. Then proceeded to bash the list I included in the ad he answered as "buttrock" for "boomers" (I can own the boomer crack, I'm 65). But dude! What the #$%* made you even want to reach out???

My ad should've included, "Must be able to read." But that sort of presents a conundrum in itself, doesn't it?

Mandobart · #14 08-06-2021, 01:24 PM

A few things have worked for me:

1. Acoustic music organizations - I'm in a local bluegrass club, a folk music club and an old time Fiddler's club. I've met a lot of musicians and made many friends in these.

2. Bluegrass festivals - are really all about jamming. It's kind of like speed dating. Join a jam, see how it works, stay or move on.

3. Open mics - suck in so many ways. But I've made some friends and developed some fun musical partnerships doing and hosting these.

4. Local musicians classifieds on Facebook. Recently met a very talented songwriter through mine. We had a great time getting together to pick a little while back. Relationship could definitely be going somewhere.

tinnitus · #15 08-06-2021, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mandobart

A few things have worked for me:

1. Acoustic music organizations - I'm in a local bluegrass club, a folk music club and an old time Fiddler's club. I've met a lot of musicians and made many friends in these.

2. Bluegrass festivals - are really all about jamming. It's kind of like speed dating. Join a jam, see how it works, stay or move on.

3. Open mics - suck in so many ways. But I've made some friends and developed some fun musical partnerships doing and hosting these.

4. Local musicians classifieds on Facebook. Recently met a very talented songwriter through mine. We had a great time getting together to pick a little while back. Relationship could definitely be going somewhere.

Great tip! My dad was in OOTF (Oregon Oldtime Fiddler's Association). He had many happy jams with dozens of more or less like-minded players. They had some guitar pickers too. But I'd have to learn some completely different riffage to fit in there.