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  #16  
Old 11-20-2021, 07:00 PM
westview westview is offline
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I wish I had the words to offer assurances and comfort.
I've been there and am still currently with my mom.
Two shutdowns where I couldn't see her for months.
Stay in contact with the facility and try not to let your mind wander into negative thoughts.
Emotions go all over the place. Frustration is understandable. We can't always fix things.
You know you're doing the best you can. Understand you're not alone.
Think of things you could send her (favorite snacks, messages from family, etc,).
Prepare yourself to see her again and make the most of the time and visit.
Stay well and healthy for you and her sake. Thoughts and prayers for you.
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  #17  
Old 11-20-2021, 07:43 PM
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try not to let your mind wander into negative thoughts.
That's the tough part, isn't it?
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  #18  
Old 11-21-2021, 12:36 AM
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That's the tough part, isn't it?
Yes it is. Because it's one of those easier said than done things.
I have to work on it, too. Because it comes and goes.
Sometimes I take my mothers frustration personal. Like I need to fix it.
But, I remind myself I can only do my best with the situation at hand.
And I'm the only one doing it. It's difficult because she doesn't understand the whole picture.
Even though everyones experiences might be a bit different, they still hurt.
And again, I know, easier said than done. Take care.
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  #19  
Old 11-21-2021, 12:42 AM
Glennwillow Glennwillow is offline
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I'm sorry for one more thing to be added to your worries, Todd.

I'm sending positive thoughts your way and hoping for the best.

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  #20  
Old 11-22-2021, 08:01 AM
Kenny B Kenny B is offline
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Todd, my sympathies are with you on this. I think you've gotten some good support and suggestions from all here who have responded. I know when we let my dad to Alzheimers it was emotionally draining to see him deteriorate. My only suggestion would be to leave no regrets with the time you have left with your Mom. Do everything you can to make her feel comfortable and loved as she loved you.
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  #21  
Old 11-22-2021, 08:44 AM
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My only suggestion would be to leave no regrets with the time you have left with your Mom. Do everything you can to make her feel comfortable and loved as she loved you.

Thanks - yes, that's kind of the "helpless" part with her so far away and basically in isolation. I feel like if I can get her on the phone for a few minutes every other day or so I'm fortunate.
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  #22  
Old 11-22-2021, 11:20 AM
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Best wishes. I can imagine some of the elements going on here because we have one grandmother terminally ill and another in a senior residence. You can't escape it for long but need to do all you can to keep your sanity and well being.
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  #23  
Old 11-22-2021, 03:12 PM
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Sorry to hear about your mother. My mother in law went through a similar end of life experience with dementia. That was before covid. I can't imagine how much more difficult it is now days. Best of luck to you and your mother.
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  #24  
Old 11-24-2021, 06:43 AM
rokdog49 rokdog49 is offline
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My Dad had been in “lockdown” in assisted living until he died last year.
This is truly a jail sentence for the elderly as they are confined to their rooms with the only human contact being the aides.
Most of these folks don’t understand what is going on and the anxiety, stress and psychological toll caused by confinement is enormous.
It is a horrible way to spend the last chapter of one’s life.
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  #25  
Old 11-27-2021, 03:42 PM
Neil K Walk Neil K Walk is offline
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My autistic 17yo son has been in several group homes and institutions for the past few years. We finally got him into a residential living arrangement in late 2019. Things went well until he was placed in quarantine. Still, in March 2021 he tested positive during an ER visit and life has been complicated ever since. It's not that he's had a hard time with it - in fact, he was asymptomatic and has since been fully vaccinated as of June 2021 - but it exposed a lot of chinks int he armor of his support structure. I can completely commiserate on how difficult it is to maintain transparency as you try to advocate for those whom you hold guardianship or power of attorney over and the quality of staff who engages in frequent turnover in a volatile labor situation. Through it all, my wife and I have risked our own health and well being by being at our son's bedside when those who we entrusted with his care looked to drop the ball for their own self preservation. We've even had the county's various overseeing bodies who act on behalf of the intellectually disabled and children brought into the mix to basically keep everybody honest.

That being said, there is this thing called oversight and even the hospitals have to play ball. Even they have to answer to human services. Have you also consulted with a senior law advocate?

PS: have you considered finding someplace smaller for her to live? These nursing home communities are well and good for those of somewhat sound mind and body but it sounds like your mother may need something more along the lines of 1 to 1 care.
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  #26  
Old 11-27-2021, 04:58 PM
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That being said, there is this thing called oversight and even the hospitals have to play ball. Even they have to answer to human services. Have you also consulted with a senior law advocate?

PS: have you considered finding someplace smaller for her to live? These nursing home communities are well and good for those of somewhat sound mind and body but it sounds like your mother may need something more along the lines of 1 to 1 care.
The day before she was diagnosed, I had set up hospice for her - not end of life hospice, but here in MI when someone is in a nursing home, and no longer deemed to be reaping any benefit from Physical Therapy (that ship sailed weeks ago) Medicare will pay for the hospice service to come into the nursing home and assist the staff with her care. Went through it with Dad and they were a blessing.

She is supposed to be discharged from the facility she's in Tuesday and coming back to Midland. A few days after they sent her away, they established a Covid wing at the facility here in town, so if she'd been diagnosed 2-3 days later, she probably would have stayed.

I've been having thoughts of retiring and bringing her home - or just working part time around the hours that the hospice workers could come into our home.

I know one thing - I don't want to go through this scenario again, and this virus certainly isn't going away.

I promised Dad on his death bed that I would take care of her - and there are days when I'm questioning if I'm doing the right thing.

When I get her back here, I will certainly be exploring more options.
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  #27  
Old 11-27-2021, 06:03 PM
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Todd,
You will do the right thing—whatever you decide. When I was in a similar spot a few years back, a former colleague pointed out that we will always feel that we aren’t doing enough.

I considered retiring early and taking care of my mom, but I am glad now that I didn’t. I would have collapsed from the stress. And my job kept me balanced in that I had time with my colleagues and students. Being the stay-at-home caregiver is very isolating.
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  #28  
Old 11-27-2021, 07:10 PM
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Todd,
You will do the right thing—whatever you decide. When I was in a similar spot a few years back, a former colleague pointed out that we will always feel that we aren’t doing enough.

I considered retiring early and taking care of my mom, but I am glad now that I didn’t. I would have collapsed from the stress. And my job kept me balanced in that I had time with my colleagues and students. Being the stay-at-home caregiver is very isolating.
Yes - we just have to do what makes us look in the mirror and still like what we see. I'll figure out what that is within reason
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