RIP Anne Heche

[Aimelie]

Originally Posted by buddyhu

When I was working as a psychologist, I worked with many alcoholics and drug addicts and substance abusers in a variety of settings (working with pain patients, working in an inpatient psych hospital, working in outpatient drug and alcohol treatment programs, and in my private practice. I found most of them to be sympathetic people, often with histories of trauma. I also have a number of friends who are in recovery, who were (by their own admission) creating messes and suffering in their own lives and the lives of others when they were using, but who are good hearted and well intentioned now that they are in recovery.

So, in my case, you would probably be wrong….especially if I had somehow learned that, like Ms. Heche, that “dopehead nobody” had been sexually abused as a child.

As Will Bown has stated, “Hurt people hurt people. We are not being judgmental by separating ourselves from such people. But we should do so with compassion. Compassion is defined as a "keen awareness of the suffering of another coupled with a desire to see it relieved." People hurt others as a result of their own inner strife and pain. Avoid the reactive response of believeing they are bad; they already think so and are acting that way. They aren't bad; they are damaged and they deserve compassion. Note that compassion is an internal process, an understanding of the painful and troubled road trod by another. It is not trying to change or fix that person.”

I’m just going to insert here, in an off topic way, that your posts, Rich, are greatly appreciated. Consistently kind and measured, I tend to read them even when the topic at hand isn’t one for me.

Please continue.

[Dirk Hofman]

Originally Posted by Don Lampson

I suspect if the driver of the car was just a dopehead nobody, there'd be little, to none, of the sympathy, & understanding, offered here, for the tortured, attractive celebrity, that Ms. Heche inspired, for crashing into, and burning down the home of some poor family?

Don

If by “here” you mean buddyhu’s post, I would suggest his posting record indicates otherwise, strongly. If by “here” you mean the rest of us,, you may be right to some degree…but what’s the point?

We afford sympathy to people who have accomplished things in life, even when they make mistakes. The “good kid” who messes up gets more understanding than the kid who blows it all the time. The great man who does horrible things despite great accomplishments is viewed as complex, not irredeemable. Heche had some nice performances and is a fairly accomplished actress, and gets more sympathy than someone who hasn’t done as much. Human nature.

[Rolph]

Originally Posted by Don Lampson

I suspect if the driver of the car was just a dopehead nobody, there'd be little, to none, of the sympathy, & understanding, offered here, for the tortured, attractive celebrity, that Ms. Heche inspired, for crashing into, and burning down the home of some poor family?

Don

She suffered every day of her life. Property can be replaced. A little empathy would be civilized. Even dopehead nobody's deserve consideration. We're all striving for perfection.

[buddyhu]

Originally Posted by Aimelie

I’m just going to insert here, in an off topic way, that your posts, Rich, are greatly appreciated. Consistently kind and measured, I tend to read them even when the topic at hand isn’t one for me.

Please continue.

Thank you Aimelie.

I must also give a shout out to the moderators who have occasionally given me some “corrective feedback” over the years (both Glenwillow and Kerbie come to mind, though others are certainly deserving acknowledgment). While I have usually aimed to be kind and measured, there were times when heated conversations were more common on AGF, leading to some topics being banned. But before those topics were banned, I would sometimes choose not to shy away from a fight, and would say things that were quite harsh and not at all measured (some might say that some of my posts were diatribes). So I am happy that the moderators have helped me to be more consistent in living up to my values, and will add that they have also done a fine job of adapting to our changing world, and ferreting out the vast majority of “not nice” posts before they gather momentum.

[Don Lampson]

Originally Posted by Dirk Hofman

If by “here” you mean buddyhu’s post, I would suggest his posting record indicates otherwise, strongly. If by “here” you mean the rest of us,, you may be right to some degree…but what’s the point?

We afford sympathy to people who have accomplished things in life, even when they make mistakes. The “good kid” who messes up gets more understanding than the kid who blows it all the time. The great man who does horrible things despite great accomplishments is viewed as complex, not irredeemable. Heche had some nice performances and is a fairly accomplished actress, and gets more sympathy than someone who hasn’t done as much. Human nature.

The point is, that those who had their cars bashed in, and their house burned down, IMO, deserve more sympathy than the entitled celebrity who carelessly caused such destruction, and, that if she wasn't a movie star, she wouldn't be the subject of sympathy, nor even mentioned, on AGF...

Don

[srick]

The Moderator hat is on:

I think we all agree, this was a tragedy all around and that it should be remembered that innocent people were almost killed by Ms. Heche’s negligence. There were no winners here.

I don’t think there is much more to add, so let’s leave it at that, shall we?

Rick