Why can't I get what I want?

[zuzu]

After playing music in a wide variety of bands and genres and several instruments over 47 years I know what my weaknesses are, what needs be done to improve them, and I know what my strengths are.

My biggest two weaknesses are; having no desire to perform solo, though fully capable, and having poor discipline in skills development...personal practice.

My two biggest strengths are; overwhelmingly, my musical empathy and anticipation in an ensemble. And, perhaps less so, simply being experienced in a fairly broad palette of styles.

"Get to the point, what do you want?"

What I want is to hook up with some musicians, duo, trio, band, orchestra, I don't care, who, in the course of an evening's music, will allow me to perform with them everything I am capable of across the various genres and instruments I bring to the table.

I have exactly 1 fellow musician who can and will help me do that and indeed challenge me with his own broad palette of styles, but he is retired entirely from public performance.

All others, in many bands and genres that I know personally, think I am genuinely crazy to believe that you can play Bill Monroe's "Little Georgia Rose" and Johnny Mathis' "Misty" in the same set. I know because when I suggest something like that they all say some version of "Dood, are you crazy?"

Yet, the one time I was able to get my former rock/country band to break down and do a 4 song varied style acoustic set in the course of a 3 hour show the audience ate it up like candy...and we never did it again.

Why? I am beginning to feel as if we musicians have become more "pigeon hole" conscious and stick-in-the-mud than radio stations and streaming services, and just as touchy about crossing the supposed boundaries.

The general public, on the other hand and in large part because of the internet, have become, imo, more open to a wider range of music, at least the more mature audiences.

I dunno. It's just frustrating that I can't seem to find an outlet to do the musical things that I actually do best.

[Glennwillow]

I had a local guitar playing friend who was also on the AGF who seems to have disappeared. (Maybe he passed away???) His cell phone is disconnected, his email no longer works. He was always trying to get me to perform with him as a duo out in public and I have simply had enough of public performance and don't care to deal with any of that stuff again. But we hung out several times in the past and made music together, which was fun.

Maybe you just need to try some solo stuff. It's hard to get others to see your vision. Getting a group of people to follow your vision can work in a company where people are paid and when you are the boss. But music performers are so independent minded and no two musicians seems to think alike. This is why I have done so much music as a solo act over the years.

Like you, I always found that audiences like variety as long as what you do is really well done. Most of all, people like really well done music, regardless of style or genre.

- Glenn

[Dave Hicks]

Originally Posted by zuzu

...

All others, in many bands and genres that I know personally, think I am genuinely crazy to believe that you can play Bill Monroe's "Little Georgia Rose" and Johnny Mathis' "Misty" in the same set.

...

That sounds reasonable to me.

D.H.

[leew3]

If I'm understanding you correctly, you don't care to practice to develop your technique, resent that others won't accommodate your choices in music and are seemingly looking for accomplished musicians to function as a backing band for your eclectic set list in a performance?

[mr. beaumont]

Well, I'd play those songs in the same set. But I'm gonna be honest, the lack of discipline/practice thing is a big red flag.

[Mandobart]

You can't get what you want, because what you want requires the support of others who don't want what you want.

As a multi-instrumentalist, multi-genre musician I would be willing to give it a go - in a practice/rehearsal first. Or in an informal jam. But at a real gig (or even an open mic) without a prior practice/rehearsal I would say "sorry, sounds like a train wreck."

[Eastbound]

With the groups Ive played in, the singer usually gets most of the say in which songs will be done. But, others usually contribute to a lesser degree. The only way to have total control over the tunes, is to be the leader of your own one man band, or have a backing band so to speak

[JonPR]

Sounds to me like you need to develop a solo set. You say you are "fully capable", so why don't you want to? Lack of confidence?

I can understand (as a band member and reluctant solo performer myself) that the ideal situation is to be with other musicians, but the best way to find suitable ones is to just keep networking at open mics or jam sessions - and performing solo, to display your skills and your varied tastes.
For the better known songs you know, there will quite likely be someone there who could join you with no rehearsal, but of course that's riaky unless you have already heard them play and judge they are good enough.

[Mbroady]

Originally Posted by leew3

If I'm understanding you correctly, you don't care to practice to develop your technique, resent that others won't accommodate your choices in music and are seemingly looking for accomplished musicians to function as a backing band for your eclectic set list in a performance?

Wow, this is a rough neighborhood
Actually, I can relate to the OP about finding the right folks to play with. It’s hard to find what you’re looking on a specific musical journey.

But if one wants what they want then sometimes you have to pay the price. This time I mean it literally. Either pay for professionals or guarantee a minimum for each gig.

[Silly Moustache]

I think I understand.

I am old, British singer guitarist, and totally into American acoustic music styles - from Appalachian, to blues, to bluegrass, to Texas singer-songwriter, western swing to American song book, as opposed to British folk styles.

I double(d) on Dobro, mandolin, National and Weissenborn.

I have a very large repertoire, and am happiest on a stage in front of an audience, solo, or preferably with one or two others.

My ideal sidemen/partners are mandolin, double bass, and/or or another singer guitarist.

But I am old, had life changing illnesses, and so find that travelling is problematic, and so I doubt that I'll ever do a paid gig again, (the money isn't important).

I used to have weekly Wednesday afternoons with my old friend "Mando" Bob, but he rarely plays now, and isn't enthusiastic about performing.

I dislike "open Mics" (too loud, too poorly run - poor audience reaction), and sing-arounds (ok but boring - and ukuleles!)

So, what to do?

[Cecil6243]

Why can't I get what I want sounds like a great song title!

[KevWind]

Originally Posted by Cecil6243

Why can't I get what I want sounds like a great song title!

Perhaps but as Mick Jagger has already suggested .
"You can't always get what ya want ,,but if you try sometime ya just might find ya get what ya need"

Seems to me the OP is simply running up against the fact that many if not most people, including musicians, are not all that comfortable outside their "comfort zone" ... thus the name

[Cecil6243]

Originally Posted by KevWind

Perhaps but as Mick Jagger has already suggested .
"You can't always get what ya want ,,but if you try sometime ya just might find ya get what ya need"

I know that but I thought it was different enough to be able to use.

Originally Posted by KevWind

Seems to me the OP is simply running up against the fact that many if not most people, including musicians, are not all that comfortable outside their "comfort zone" ... thus the name

Yup!

[zuzu]

As far as technique goes, I am not where I want to be and strive to get better all the time...but I fear I am a bit too relaxed in my striving and it nags at me.

But I am not without skills to share. Indeed, people want me to play with them all the time, on bass, banjo, and guitar, and I am happy to do so. The reason they want me is my biggest musical strength; my musical empathy and sense of anticipation. Kinda hard to pull that off without any skills...

The mention above of "comfort zone" may be the nub of what I am on about. Perhaps I may best explain myself with an imaginary conversation:

Dood: 'That sounded great! You're good!"
Me: "Sounded great because you're good too! Yuup, I jumped in there with you and made your (Chuck Berry, Eddie Money, Maroon 5) sound good, this is fun! So, how about using your very considerable skills to help me make my (Flatt&Scruggs, Henry Mancini, Ray Charles) sound good also?"
Dood: "Well, bluegrass ain't really my thing and the other...all those chords you know..."
Me:" Yea, might be a fair number of chords but hey, first you play one and then you play the next one right? You're a good musician, just follow me...is there a problem with that?"

"Shut up!" explained Dood.

[Guitars44me]

Since I sing, honk harps in the rack, and sometimes footstomp (former drummer), as well as playing regular and slide and lap slide, I am totally happy to play by myself.

I often find the more “help” I get the worse it sounds, as I have managed to fill up the sound pretty well by myself.

I played in hundreds of bands as a singing drummer, and when I went solo acoustic 31 years ago it was immensely liberating! Whew, what a relief.

I suggest get busy by yourself and see if it works for you!

Hope you find a way to be musically satisfied!

Cheers

Paul