Your Better Half

[reeve21]

Jaden,

Thanks for the topic.

We celebrated 35 years last month.

It was love at first sight (at least for me), and I chased her until she caught me

We are very, very different people. We have the capacity to drive each other crazy, and not even know it! We thought we knew each other before we were married, but in reality it took many years of hard work to understand the other, and we are still learning. My wife knows what I am thinking before I say it. I'm not nearly as perceptive.

Bob W. is right. Marriage will change you. If it doesn't then the marriage may not survive.

It was the best thing that ever happened to me. YMMV, as they say

[M19]

Originally Posted by rmp

I met my wife in 9th grade in 1973. We married in 1977.

We just passed the 42 year mark at the end of October.

So,, Why has it worked? All this time? Still happy, Still best friends? I don't have the answer, I just am thankful everyday this beautiful woman I married has actually put up with me for all these years.

Change the numbers to '75, '78 and 41 and there I am!

[619TF]

Never married. Never will be. I prefer depending upon myself to provide "the good life" (financially and emotionally). I've been in several long term relationships but never saw the need to get the government involved.

[Silly Moustache]

Thirty years next June for Nanny Jane and I plus ten years "on sale or return" before that.

Went on a blind date with a lady called Jane - had a nice evening but no spark. She said "You should meet my friend (another) Jane.

We met, hit it off. No thoughts of marriage. Then one day she said "I want to be married!" I said... OK" We got married on the tenth anniversary of our first date. Friday the 13th!

[AmericanEagle]

I think marriage is a trap. I no longer see any need whatsoever to be married.
I also really dislike comments such as “my better half”, or “my other half”.
A person should feel complete by themselves. One’s spouse or partner does not “complete” oneself. That is what is called a co-dependent relationship, which is very unhealthy, yet very common.

[Acousticado]

Originally Posted by AmericanEagle

I think marriage is a trap. I no longer see any need whatsoever to be married.
I also really dislike comments such as “my better half”, or “my other half”.
A person should feel complete by themselves. One’s spouse or partner does not “complete” oneself. That is what is called a co-dependent relationship, which is very unhealthy, yet very common.

AE, for some it works, for some it doesn’t. Based on your reality, it hasn’t, but it’s hard to argue with the many accounts by those who are in happy, healthy looooong time relationships. And yes, it is possible to be complete and dependent at the same time and for it to be very healthy. That’s the giving of yourself part to someone you love and who loves you back.

[619TF]

Originally Posted by Acousticado

AE, for some it works, for some it doesn’t. Based on your reality, it hasn’t, but it’s hard to argue with the many accounts by those who are in happy, healthy looooong time relationships.

Divorce rates show it's not that hard to argue that point at all.

[David Eastwood]

Married 32 years here, to the love of my life. Second marriage for both of us. Her finest quality (beyond the fact that she can just make me melt with her smile, and that I can turn her into a puddle of jelly rubbing the back of her head) is that she never, ever, will let me take myself too seriously.

For those of you who've never known the delight of such a relationship, look at it as something to admire, or aspire to - but not to denigrate.

That's just rude.

[H165]

I’m not married and never have been - but I think it’s one of the most interesting subjects when two people put their lives together into a cooperative venture by which (I think) an exponential output, productivity, creative possibilities for future planning can far exceed what a single person is able to do in a lifetime (in an ideal relationship).

This paragraph has nothing to do with marriage.

What do you think of marriage in particular, the greater possibilities of it providing “the good life”?

I think the possibility is pretty remote, and endless history and statistics prove it.

Our friends constantly point to us as the "happest married couple" they know. Despite the fact that 45 years of true happiness together paints a pretty picture when viewed from outside, we'd be just as happy without marriage. I've been slighly wacky over her since the day we met, and she seems to reciprocate the interest. We also happen to work and live together well. If success is having alot of fun, romance, and adventures together, then we're probably near the top of the class.

As noted above, legal marriage is a contract nobody except the government needs. As for the religious ceremony, discussion isn't allowed here.

[Bluside]

It's not for me. I gave it a shot, twice.

[Jaden]

Nice to read of all the success stories here, and for those who don’t believe in marriage or that it didn’t work out - that applied to me too, in my case I was a slow learner, took people for granted, lacked maturity and was poisoned by the “what’s in it for me” attitude to relationships. Perhaps I should have qualified the discussion more particularly to quality of relationship rather than the institution of marriage. When things go wrong in the latter, though, it can be much, much worse than staying single, I think.

[raysachs]

Originally Posted by 619TF

Never married. Never will be. I prefer depending upon myself to provide "the good life" (financially and emotionally). I've been in several long term relationships but never saw the need to get the government involved.

I think the basic discussion is about a committed lifelong relationship. Whether it’s consecrated by the government is an entirely separate question in my mind. In retrospect, I found the ritual of a wedding to be a beautiful and heavy thing. I didn’t feel that way going into it - I was willing to do it because it mattered to my partner, but I didn’t see a lot of value in it. But afterward, I was REALLY happy we’d done it. Not because of the legality or the governmental endorsement - I still don’t care about that one way or another. But there’s something about having friends and family come together from wherever they are to be with you and witness and help celebrate your public commitment that I thought was a really beautiful thing and very worthwhile.

My younger daughter just got married a little over a month ago - it was a beautiful time and reinforced my feelings about the value of the ceremony. And she and her husband felt the same way - they’re still floating. And I say that as the father of the bride who, along with my wife, paid for roughly the whole thing. It wasn’t an expensive or fancy wedding - people on this forum regularly spend more on custom or vintage guitars than we spent on the wedding. But it was a great, beautiful time. The license from the government was the least important part of it. Or in our case or our daughter’s case, any religious involvement - neither ceremony was a religious one. Obviously, that’s a big part of it for a lot of people / couples, but it doesn’t have to be...

Marriage isn’t for everybody, it doesn’t work for everybody who thinks it will be and dives in. But when it does, it can be a beautiful thing and nobody’s bad experience can invalidate someone else’s great experience. There’s risk in any meaningful leap - marriage is no different. I’ve been extremely fortunate. And I don’t ever take it for granted - I’m thankful for my family every day I breathe...

-Ray

[Slothead56]

As my Father always said “Marriage is a wonderful institution but who wants to live in an institution?”

Well, he and Mom made it until he passed at 68. I’m 26 years into #2, married to a great woman who runs our family like a military unit and the fun factor is always on high. Is it perfect? No...we’re both pretty strong personalities and that can make it hard but, as we head toward retirement, I can look at our three kids, the life we’ve built, the differences we’ve made in our own lives and in the lives of others and how great a journey it’s been and I feel pretty sure my life would not have been as complete without her.

Perfect? No, but as close as I can figure.

[offkey]

We have been married 45 years and it is far and away the defining experience of both of our lives. What strikes me about some of these answers is the equating of a life long commitment of family and love with government involvement. Sure there are legal ramifications and there need to be, but a marriage is the creation of a new family unit where there was none. Nothing is more important for partners, children or society than creating strong families. It is a sacred act. By that I mean it counts more than anything else. It is not easy or always fun, and probably harder in some ways than anything else we do, but it pays the highest dividend in life.

[Ozzy the dog]

I don't have a better half............... But my wife does

But seriously though, I've been married for 37 years now and wouldn't change a thing.

You hear people saying things like 'you won't change him/her' and indeed, you shouldn't try to change your partner. However, you must be prepared to change yourself to fit the new dynamic, if you can do that, you're on a winner.

Being with my wife all these years has made me a much better person than I would ever have been without her. You go through different chapters in a marriage - you have your own time as a couple and if you're lucky you have the time with your children. We have experienced both and have entered the next chapter involving grandchildren this year and it is fantastic.

We have grown and developed together and I couldn't imagine life without her.

Is she my 'better half'? - definitely.