Your Better Half

[golfreggie]

Originally Posted by agfsteve

So when two people in their fifties get married, you're saying it's so that they can have a baby?

Good Point! I was married at 51 and my wife was 54. We couldn't have children as she had a hysterectomy, but we still practice from time to time

[619TF]

Originally Posted by H165

For some folks, government involvment is a nuisance and burden they do not need, and do not want. Particularly harmful and divisive are the "common law" relationships created in courts without the permission of the participants. These legal entanglements are created for one purpose - authoritarian control of individuals.

The main problem with your argument against common law marriages is that in most States the couple has to hold themselves out to others as husband and wife. This is more than just cohabitation, these people are going around stating they're legally wed and therefore inviting the government to solemnify it officially after a period of some years of their participation.

[Neil K Walk]

Originally Posted by agfsteve

So when two people in their fifties get married, you're saying it's so that they can have a baby?

You can always adopt, but really why pay the marriage penalty?

[Dirk Hofman]

Originally Posted by Neil K Walk

You can always adopt, but really why pay the marriage penalty?

Of course all of this is subjective and personal. For my wife and I, we both wanted to be married. Just thinking out loud, but we both came from pretty solid families with well-employed married parents who had stayed together, and each family have 2 kids. We had good models for marriage which I think we both brought to the situation. For us the difference between marriage and co-habitation is the level of commitment which it represented for us. We were both in our early-30's, had both lived on our own for about 15 years, had both had long-term relationships, both wanted to have kids, and both felt that marriage was a step we wanted to take.

For us, the wedding was a celebration to announce to our friends and families our level of commitment and our intention to stay together in the very long term. I won't say forever because anything can happen, but we hope to grow old together. We share background and values, and it was important for us to bond the two families in that celebration.

For us it was a way to create a foundation to build a life together. Other people can do it different ways, I'm not suggesting it's the only way at all. Just outlining why it works for us. To the comment above, the government has nothing to do with it, it was about us. The signing of official documents are simply part of the mechanics to get us where we wanted to be. There's definitely danger in it, and risk, I think especially for men at least where I live. But I trusted in my wife and trusted that we were the kind of people for whom it would work. That trust could be destroyed at any point, but until right now it's worked for us.

[PAPADON]

There are any number of reasons why marriages fail. Infidelity, substance abuse, financial stress just to name a few but from what I've gathered in my 72 years of life and 50 years of marriage is the vast majority of failures are due to one primary cause and that is the inability of one or both partners to grasp the simple concept that it's about us now not just me.

[golfreggie]

I wish I could find it again, but I once read a "story" of a devoted husband who continued to visit his wife in a nursing facility who had lost her memory and was physically incapacitated. He really had no way to communicate with her, but he would come and stroke her hair and hold her hand and speak to her. One of the attendants questioned why he would do that, mentioning that she would never know he was there. He replied, "I know that she won't know, but I will." I guess that is the ideal in a marriage, a level of commitment that doesn't waiver depending on circumstances. I hope that I can come close to that level of commitment in reality. It is much easier to "say" I am committed than it is to sacrifice what is needed to behave in a committed manner. Someone mentioned "sacred" in an earlier post. That may be what it takes to have that kind of commitment. Can I give all of me to my wife? And if I fail, can I admit it to her and vow to improve? Can I grow into the servant spouse she needs? Or is it all about me, and what she can do for me? Is marriage for everyone? I think not. But for me at least, that is my goal.

[AmericanEagle]

The three rings of marriage:
Engagement ring
Wedding ring
Suffering

[Jaden]

Originally Posted by Dirk Hofman

Not what I see in my world. I find the younger generations far more concerned with others than my Generation X and certainly the Boomers. More concern about the planet and future generations, about justice and a fair shake for everyone, far less motivated by money and greed, and more tolerant of differences. And it's not close. I have high hopes for the changing of the guard.

The young bright lights working in the ivory tower with financial support can deliver on this (your) promise, but in the meantime I’ve seen some up close and personal tragedies among the youth, who naturally carry hope, but become ravaged by complex socio cultural forces beyond their control, leading to early death and continued procreation among the mass poor. Education is the key.

[Bob Womack]

Originally Posted by golfreggie

I wish I could find it again, but I once read a "story" of a devoted husband who continued to visit his wife in a nursing facility who had lost her memory and was physically incapacitated. He really had no way to communicate with her, but he would come and stroke her hair and hold her hand and speak to her.

This, in reverse, was my parent's existence over my father's last five years. After being married in 1950 and enjoying sixty years of marriage, my father began showing signs of dementia. It first manifested in "process" disorders - the inability to make his body do what he wanted it to. The first instance was when he set down his coffee cup in the middle of his plate when he didn't mean to. Then he couldn't button his own shirts. It began to progress into aphasia, in this case the inability to speak. He could fully understand what was being spoken to him but couldn't generate a reply. By the middle of the second year he was falling and couldn't take care of himself. My mother placed him in a nursing home a mile from our family home so she could be with him. By the end of that year he had to be fed and you couldn't really tell whether he was aware or not of his surroundings.

Nevertheless, my mother went to the nursing home every day and spent the majority of her day with him. She read to him. She paid to have cable TV connected and saw to it that he had educational programs to watch. She bathed him, fed him, combed his hair, sang to him, told him she loved him, and brought the family by to visit whenever we were in town. All with little or no indication that he was in touch and present.

Why? Because, if there was any chance that he was present at any moment, she wanted in that moment for him to be surrounded by her love. He died in 2015 after being cared for, hand and foot, by her for five years. In her words, this was the man she loved with all her heart and it wasn't a burden.

Bob

[PTony]

A lot of great stories! I’ll keep mine as short as possible. Met my wife at 15. She was 16. Dated through high school. Engaged through college. Married almost 23 years. Have been a couple for nearly 30. She’s my best friend. We’ve literally grown up together. As younger kids we lived 5 miles apart, went to the same swimming pool, parks, etc. but never knew one another until my sophomore year (her Jr. year) in HS.

She is beautiful, classy, kind, consistent, and thoughtful. She keeps no record of wrongs, she isn’t rude, or selfish, and I know that I can count on her. She has been called meek...and by biblical definition I’d agree as it means, “exercising Gods strength, under His control”.

She has sacrificed many, many times for our family, allowed me to chase what I felt called to do, picked me up when I was down, taught me what unconditional love is, given me three beautiful children, loved me when I was unloveable, and I truly love her more today than yesterday.

I completely don’t deserve her, but I’m so thankful that she is my wife. I’m certain I’d be dead without her. That’s a whole other story, but valid. She literally saved my life.

[TBman]

I met my wife on a blind date believe it or not. We've been married 25 years (2nd for both of us). Our only regret is that we didn't meet sooner.

My wife saves me from my own stupidity, which appears to be boundless at times