Texting or E Mailing vs. Calling

[rokdog49]

I thought this little topic might stir some interesting responses. Here's what happened:

My wife received an email from her best high school friend that was sent to inform us that her and her hubby who live out of state, weren't going to make it back here for a short visit. The email was sent yesterday but my wife didn't read it until today. They were planning to eat dinner with us TONIGHT.

They were supposed to fly in from Charleston SC yesterday but the flight was cancelled completely due to "mechanical problems."
My wife was miffed because she couldn't believe her friend didn't call her yesterday instead of sending an email.
The reason I posted this is because we are in our late sixties and this gal and my wife have known each other since childhood.
I find it interesting that emailing and texting have taken over a telephone call on something like this as a form of communication even for us seniors. Don't misunderstand, I am very tech savvy and my grandson who is seventeen and I text all the time.
It just seems that our culture in general has become less and less personal, even the older generations. Oh and I am aware of the other forms of instant communication, I just don't participate in those.

[Silly Moustache]

Hi, I am (even) older than you but I'd feel the same way. Whilst I am mainly at home, I don't use use a mobile phone, (there's one in the car for emergencies), I check my e-mail two or three times a day, but I have observed that I get less and less.

I think a phone call would have been more polite to make sure that you got the message.

Many have their e-mail linked to their mobile, as I used to for business, but...

However, although there will undoubtedly be some spoiled food and plans, domn't let it spoil a long friendship.

[BrunoBlack]

I’m 66 and I like talking & using email, but my preference for things like this is texting. Texting is immediate and in many cases the most considerate from my perspective. If I’m sitting in a meeting, movie, grocery store, or simply socializing with friends or family — it’s a lot easier & more courteous for others that surround me to glance down at a text than to field a phone call. I find that texting provides immediate private messaging and allows me to schedule a follow up phone call when it’s convenient for everyone. I don’t track email with notifications, so I might miss emails for longer periods of time.

[Dirk Hofman]

Originally Posted by rokdog49

I thought this little topic might stir some interesting responses. Here's what happened:

My wife received an email from her best high school friend that was sent to inform us that her and her hubby who live out of state, weren't going to make it back here for a short visit. The email was sent yesterday but my wife didn't read it until today. They were planning to eat dinner with us TONIGHT.

They were supposed to fly in from Charleston SC yesterday but the flight was cancelled completely due to "mechanical problems."
My wife was miffed because she couldn't believe her friend didn't call her yesterday instead of sending an email.
The reason I posted this is because we are in our late sixties and this gal and my wife have known each other since childhood.
I find it interesting that emailing and texting have taken over a telephone call on something like this as a form of communication even for us seniors. Don't misunderstand, I am very tech savvy and my grandson who is seventeen and I text all the time.
It just seems that our culture in general has become less and less personal, even the older generations. Oh and I am aware of the other forms of instant communication, I just don't participate in those.

Interesting topic, thanks for starting it.

I would never have the reaction that email is less personal, it's a communication channel that makes a lot of sense for certain uses. It's really, really useful for asynchronous communication, for when a lot of detail or back and forth in planning is expected, or for group planning. There are other cases of course. Email is most akin to letter-writing of the last century. You can really express thoughts in a more detailed way than a call, and take time to craft a message.

What it's not useful for is last-minute planning, which seems to be how your friend used it. I probably have a 4 hour max window between checking email 95% of waking hours, so for me it would have been OK the way the friend did it, but I don't have the expectation that someone else, particularly a senior, would be checking email that often. For that a text or a call is necessary. For someone that age I'd assume phone call first and not assume them to have a text device, though certainly it's more likely they would than not.

I would tend to say that the problem isn't a lack of personal communication here, rather a lack of awareness on the part of the sender how to use the appropriate channel. You have to think more now about how someone is likely to want to communicate. For people under 35, calling is actually considered borderline rude. It's interruptive and implies a certain urgency and need for extended conversation. That generation is 100% text-first. They hardly use email, and the phone is just some seldom-used app. Whether one thinks this is good or bad isn't relevant to event planning. No matter the age or preferences of the other person, it's just courteous to think about how they want to communicate.

I often have to help people along here. I have buddies who will text me at 7:00 am sometimes. I don't respond to texts until 9:00 unless there is some specific plan in place (meeting up for a surf, a ride, whatever). Don't chat me up at 7:00 am. They get the idea after a few times.

Email you can send anytime. Thinking of someone late at night or 6:00 in the morning? Not urgent? Send an email, post on their Facebook wall, or DM them on Twitter so you don't forget to reach out. Great for people in different time zones (I have family in Europe).

Urgent, same time zone:
Text, Facebook (or other IM) Messenger, Call

Non urgent, same time zone, person at work:
Email, Facebook (or other IM) Messenger, Twitter DM Facebook post (if pubic content)

Want to reach out and just chat or connect, same time zone, person not at work or asleep:
Text, Call, Messenger, Skype, Google Hangouts, FaceTime

I'm sure there are others I'm missing but generally that's how I think about it. Not that hard, but does require some consideration.

[Tico]

Huge subject for me.

I'm around 60 and only started texting a few months back.
I strongly resisted as long as I could, but I met a few people important to me and they made it clear they don't call or email.
They don't even have their phone's voicemail set up.
They are in their 40s.

One reason I resisted is I hate how EVERYONE is constantly staring at their phones.
I didn't want to be 'one of them'.
I hate how many young people these days can't look you in they eye or hold a conversation.
IMO our culture and society suffers from a massive downside of smartphones.

[PorkPieGuy]

Originally Posted by Tico

I didn't want to be 'one of them'.
I hate how many young people these days can't look you in they eye or hold a conversation.
IMO our culture and society suffers from a massive downside of smartphones.

These days, I see just as many Boomers staring at their phones as I do millennials. I know for me, I spend all day staring at a computer screen, so the LAST thing I want to do when I get home is look at my phone or my Kindle (where is that thing anyways?).


To the OP: That DEFINITELY constituted a phone call. No question.

[RedJoker]

Originally Posted by Tico

Huge subject for me.

I'm around 60 and only started texting a few months back.
I strongly resisted as long as I could, but I met a few people important to me and they made it clear they don't call or email.
They don't even have their phone's voicemail set up.
They are in their 40s.

One reason I resisted is I hate how EVERYONE is constantly staring at their phones.
I didn't want to be 'one of them'.
I hate how many young people these days can't look you in they eye or hold a conversation.
IMO our culture and society suffers from a massive downside of smartphones.

I'm in my 40s and resisted texting for a while. Not because of any perceived societal ills, I just didn't see the point when calling was much faster to have a conversation. I still feel that way for having a conversation but now understand the beauty of the asynchronous nature of texting. Group texts are really useful for coordinating with friends and family. And texting is much quieter in a public setting. I now find I get annoyed at the person talking on phone next to me.

Having said that, I've gotten into text conversations when we realized that it wasn't just sending one bit of info and a phone call was a better communication tool. So then we talk on the phone.

It's all just tools....

[Riverwolf]

1- here in rural Oregon I am often out of cell phone coverage. I can compose and 'send" a text and the next time even briefly that I enter coverage the text will send without me even knowing it. Nice.

2- Texts do not really show emotion and have caused problems with my girlfriend when one of us is joking and the other just doesn't get it.

3- I am a slow 'texter' and a long answer is a pain in the rear.

Back to the OP, in your case a text or call would be better as not everyone including myself checks email regularly.

[ahorsewithnonam]

Originally Posted by Haasome

I’m 66 and I like talking & using email, but my preference for things like this is texting. Texting is immediate and in many cases the most considerate from my perspective. If I’m sitting in a meeting, movie, grocery store, or simply socializing with friends or family — it’s a lot easier & more courteous for others that surround me to glance down at a text than to field a phone call. I find that texting provides immediate private messaging and allows me to schedule a follow up phone call when it’s convenient for everyone. I don’t track email with notifications, so I might miss emails for longer periods of time.

My exact thoughts! Sometimes it’s not easy for me to call because I am in a meeting or something but I can easily text someone and give them the information that I want him to have sometimes I text or email because I don’t want to get into a long drawn out conversation because I’m under a time constraint.

[posternutbag]

It is interesting. Being 25+ years younger and two generations removed from most of the members on this forum, my perspective is very different. If you want to get in touch with me immediately, text or email. Texts and emails go to all of my devices, so no matter where I am or what I am doing, I will see texts and emails immediately. I might not check my phone messages for weeks.

Now, part of this is a self fulfilling vicious circle, chicken or the egg thing. Because I (and most of my friends) don't check voicemail regularly, text and email (particularly texts) are the preferred way for us to communicate quickly and efficiently. Texts are great because I can see that they were received/read. All of my devices are set to push email constantly, so to me, the concept of "checking email" is antiquated.

Also, I hate talking on the phone and avoid it to the extent that I can. In the situation the OP described, I would have texted.

[BrunoBlack]

Originally Posted by posternutbag

It is interesting. Being 25+ years younger and two generations removed from most of the members on this forum, my perspective is very different. If you want to get in touch with me immediately, text or email. Texts and emails go to all of my devices, so no matter where I am or what I am doing, I will see texts and emails immediately. I might not check my phone messages for weeks.

Now, part of this is a self fulfilling vicious circle, chicken or the egg thing. Because I (and most of my friends) don't check voicemail regularly, text and email (particularly texts) are the preferred way for us to communicate quickly and efficiently. Texts are great because I can see that they were received/read. All of my devices are set to push email constantly, so to me, the concept of "checking email" is antiquated.

Also, I hate talking on the phone and avoid it to the extent that I can. In the situation the OP described, I would have texted.

I agree with you - except your statement that “checking email" is antiquated. As I said above, I prefer texts for many reasons. However, I don’t push emails because I normally received over 200 emails/day in the job I had. And I shut email down to maintain my sanity. I dealt with emails on my schedule. However, staff or family/friends could reach me immediately as needed through texts. I retired recently and maintain that system.

[Jusca]

A text or call would have been more appropriate for faster relaying of the change of plans. I don't know anyone who constantly checks emails for personal communication but there are some. I guess you should be aware of what your friend uses the most and communicate that way.

[Jeremy]

Originally Posted by posternutbag

It is interesting. Being 25+ years younger and two generations removed from most of the members on this forum, my perspective is very different. If you want to get in touch with me immediately, text or email. Texts and emails go to all of my devices, so no matter where I am or what I am doing, I will see texts and emails immediately. I might not check my phone messages for weeks.

Now, part of this is a self fulfilling vicious circle, chicken or the egg thing. Because I (and most of my friends) don't check voicemail regularly, text and email (particularly texts) are the preferred way for us to communicate quickly and efficiently. Texts are great because I can see that they were received/read. All of my devices are set to push email constantly, so to me, the concept of "checking email" is antiquated.

Also, I hate talking on the phone and avoid it to the extent that I can. In the situation the OP described, I would have texted.

I'm a Gen-X'r and this is pretty much my take on it. If I need to get a hold of someone immediately, I'll call; otherwise, I'll text.

[Tico]

The problem of 3 choices is (with everyone growing up when 1, 2, or all 3 of them existed) people have personal preferences.
And it's already been posted that in each age group there are exceptions to the generalization of which they prefer, and for what.

We will never again have universal social agreement on how to reach everyone like we did in the days of telephone only.

It's a mess, and it's not going away.

[RedJoker]

Originally Posted by Tico

The problem of 3 choices is (with everyone growing up when 1, 2, or all 3 of them existed) people have personal preferences.
And it's already been posted that in each age group there are exceptions to the generalization of which they prefer, and for what.

We will never again have universal social agreement on how to reach everyone like we did in the days of telephone only.

It's a mess, and it's not going away.

Even with only telephone, folks were bemoaning the dearth of letter writing. I don't view it as a mess like you do, though. I view it as having more options. We all have our own perspective, of course.