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The day after my Mom passed...
I was going through some things and came across a letter that she had saved.
I posted about it on my Facebook page, but just realized I hadn't done the same here until recommending to Bob Womack in his post today about his childhood home that he make sure his Mom hears the memories he has about their old home. This is my Facebook post in it's entirety: I want to thank everyone for all the love and support you've shown me over the last couple days. It brings to mind a lyric of an old Curtis Stiger tune I used to perform "I've felt the warmth of human kindness, till the tears came to my eyes" There has been a LOT of that! I also want to share something with you - many have made kind comments about the kind of relationship I had with Mom and Dad. 11 years ago yesterday I woke up in the morning and realized I had missed their anniversary a few days before. I was devastated. So I decided the best gift I could give them was telling them how I felt, and I sat down and wrote the following. Previously I felt it was personal, not for public consumption, , but stumbling upon it and reading through it tonight, I got the feeling maybe it's something "feel good" ( I think we could all use some of that) that may inspire others to do the same if they still have their parents. (or anyone, for that matter - tell everyone how you feel!) It's a little lengthy: December 1, 2010 I sat up in bed this morning at 3 a.m. in a panic. I realized I’d completely missed your anniversary. My lack of thoughtfulness was heavy on my mind and eventually led to tears. I couldn’t believe I had been so distracted by my own life that I had forgotten about a big day for two people who had given it to me. There are times lately where I’ve felt like maybe I haven’t been a very good Son. You are only 6 miles down the road now, and I feel like I should be spending more time with you. As I’ve grown older, and the world becomes crazier every day, it seems I require my solitude more and more, and I have to realize that shouldn’t include both of you. These words have been coming for a long time, and I’ve been in a very reflective state recently. When we lost Ted, it was devastating, unexpected and really took it’s toll on all of us. Losing my friend Rick was the first time it had been a good friend passing. His friendship came right after we lost Ted, and it was no accident. Even though we only spent 4 weeks together in person, we emailed two or three times a week at length for the last five years. It’s amazing how close you can get with someone in this manner. So, I’ve decided it’s time to tell you what’s in my heart….to say the things that It’s so hard to say in person. I guess I felt like this may be a better gift than any material thing I could have done for your anniversary. What I have to say is pretty simple. I feel like I’ve lived such a charmed life compared to most people I know, and that is a direct result of the love, patience and understanding that have been so freely given by both of you. I don’t feel like I ever taken any of this for granted, but growing older gives you a better perspective on things, and I’m truly overwhelmed by the sacrifices you’ve made in your own lives to give me the opportunities I’ve had in mine. The unconditional love, even of a parent, isn’t to be taken lightly in this day and age with so much dysfunction at the family level. I’m sure you remember me saying years ago that I thought I’d been born too late. Then I think I was basing it on the lure of a simpler life. Now I think there may be another level in this…our modern day life has somehow made it okay for families to drift apart, first geographically, then emotionally. I could have never been very happy being more than the 20 miles I was from both of you. I become very sad when I hear of people whose parents are hundreds or thousands of miles away that only see each other a couple of times a year, and only talk infrequently. I couldn’t imagine existing like that, I’d have more guilt than I would care to embrace. There are so many things I’m so proud of both of you for, not the least of which is that you’ve managed to stay together in a world where it’s become so “normal” to find a reason to leave one another. This is a large part of why I’ve been so fortunate…the two people who love me so much share the love with each other as well. I want you to know that I have crystal clear memories of my early youth and how much love I felt in the house with Gram and Baba around. I always felt so safe and am so thankful I had their influence on my life. I remember all of our trips and the sense of wonder I had seeing Yellowstone, The Grand Canyon, the Rockies etc. Obviously it has stayed with me all of these years, and I almost require that feeling of awe every couple of years to get me “centered” again. It’s a fine line I walk these days between making a living and keeping my sanity, and things like my mountain vacations go a long way to maintain that stability. I just needed to let you know how much I appreciate, understand and am humbled by the love and sacrifice it took to raise me. Other than a few years in my late teens I hope I wasn’t too much trouble. I feel like if you had made things any easier for me, I wouldn’t have enough backbone to make it on my own in this world. Somehow you both always knew just what to say and do in every situation. I’m so thankful you brought me into the world. I love you both so much it hurts sometimes. I’m at a loss for what I could ever do to repay you for the love and guidance you’ve given me, but I needed to make sure that you knew that. It’s the very least I could do. The Luckiest Son in the World
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"One small heart, and a great big soul that's driving" Last edited by fitness1; 02-04-2022 at 01:24 PM. |
#2
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Beautiful! I lost my own mom a few weeks ago at 91 years old. She was a kind and gentle soul and I was blessed to have her as long as I did. You articulate many things I grapple with.
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Martin D18 Gibson J45 Martin 00015sm Gibson J200 Furch MC Yellow Gc-CR SPA Guild G212 Eastman E2OM-CD |
#3
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I'm glad that my folks know exactly how I feel. The feelings run very deeply.
Bob
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"It is said, 'Go not to the elves for counsel for they will say both no and yes.' " Frodo Baggins to Gildor Inglorion, The Fellowship of the Ring THE MUSICIAN'S ROOM (my website) |
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Thanks Bob - and very sorry for your loss. It's a hard thing, losing your Mom. I'm still coming to terms with it two months later.
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"One small heart, and a great big soul that's driving" |
#5
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Well done - I think so many times things are left "unsaid".
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"One small heart, and a great big soul that's driving" |
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Thanks for sharing. Brought me some good thoughts.
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#7
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Glad to hear that.....the reason I posted it!
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"One small heart, and a great big soul that's driving" |
#8
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hi. this was humbling and touching to read. thanks for sharing. i think the sharing of it is brave. and, given a modern context, necessary. my sincere thanks.
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#9
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“What the World needs now is love sweet love. It’s the only thing that there is just too little of.” Bacharach
Thank you very much for sharing yours.
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Bill AMI-Guitars Left Handed DMC-1STEL 1 Recording King Dirty 30s Series 7 Parlor |
#10
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It was a strange decision whether to post it publicly for me - normally a very private person.
The original Facebook post really got to some of my friends, so I hoped the same would happen here. We all need to send out ripples of love and kindness when we can.
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"One small heart, and a great big soul that's driving" |