Funny Ebay Guitar Description

Brucebubs · #1 06-11-2019, 09:21 PM

Just found this listing here in Australia.
Very funny description and a good example of the dry Australian sense of humour.
Hope you get a laugh too.

Every once in a while a guitar comes along that makes the daily grind of being a pawnbroker worthwhile.

Not only is this a ridgy didge genuine 100% authentic Jixing it was owned and played by legendary RSL player Gary from the iconic duo Burp “N” Gary from you guessed it… the town of Burpengary. If you know your guitarist trivia that’s right near where Kieth Urban is from. I had the absolute pleasure and privilege of seeing Burp “N” Gary at their peak at the Nambour RSL back in the day. Gary played this exact guitar at Nambour and the legendary Redcliffe Peninsula tour. He plugged this gem into a gorilla amp and it was tone heaven. I am not ashamed to say that when they played Islands in the Stream it bought a tear to my eye... hell it would bring a tear to a glass eye.

So how does one describe greatness? You can’t. It has tone so good it’s like an onion. It brings tears to my eyes. The grain!!! It is so 3D that if you stare at it too long you might not make it out. I almost looked too long and started seeing dogs and demons!! Please be careful viewing the photos.

Happily I am aware of the history after Gary owned it. It was stored lovingly in a smoke free environment in the boot of a car at the local caravan park. The caretaker painstakingly moved the car into shade to protect it when he remembered. It was setup by legendary luthier Johnno who also lives in the damp boot of the car.

It has no annoying sustain, midrange is limp without being over authoritative and the top end squeals like a cat on a blackboard.It is rumored that Jixing was started by a team of disgruntled Chibson employees who were alarmed about the rising standard of Chibson guitars and decided to their own prestigious company more in the spirit of Chibson.

Neck is only slightly warped and the action configured for slide as it has run out bridge saddle to lower. Also known as American Action!! The faulty pickup achieves a tone that simply can not be achieved with a working unit. Also there is an airgap under the bridge to increase the global airiness of the tone. Oh yes.

We are not prepared to publish the serial number as we are serious about fighting counterfeits. It will be supplied if you email a statutory declaration stating you will not reveal the serial number to the public

Guitar will be shipped in vintage damp newspaper as we feel that adding a bit of moisture will only enhance the onion tone.

Inspection by appointment only and only on presenting a gold credit card. NO TIME WASTES.

Jixing (God) bless you all.

https://www.ebay.com.au/itm/Vintage-...UAAOSwwZtdAFrr

Erithon · #2 06-11-2019, 10:34 PM

Islands in the Stream is a classic. I've been meaning to cover it for years now.

colder · #3 06-11-2019, 10:57 PM

That was great! I need to find a guitar with an air gap under the bridge!

Cool555 · #4 06-12-2019, 12:12 AM

Good one! LOL.

Thanks for sharing.

Dustinfurlow · #5 06-12-2019, 12:16 AM

Effective advertising

I am interested!

Beakybird · #6 06-12-2019, 04:44 AM

What a precious sense of humor!

Trinity13 · #7 06-12-2019, 04:56 AM

Funny how he used trash barrels as his photo backdrop

drive-south · #8 06-12-2019, 08:45 AM

He plugged it into a Gorilla amp for the full boutique affect.

ohiopicker · #9 06-12-2019, 08:51 AM

Hilarious!

pf400 · #10 06-12-2019, 08:55 AM

Actually considered it. Only an idiot would.

tnez13 · #11 06-12-2019, 09:07 AM

You cannot imagine the sadness I feel after viewing the eBay ad in full and finding that the seller will not post the guitar to the US. I will be booking passage shortly on the next available air carrier. In the immortal words of Lefevre from Phantom of the Opera, "If you need me, I shall be in Australia."