living with mental illness

Hi guys,

I wanted to share my experience in hope of opening a dialog. I grew up the victim of an abusive household and my mother died when I was 15 so I suffered the consequences of those realities. By the time I hit my mid-thirties, despite having my life together in a visible sense, the wheels started to fall off internally. I became very ill, was hospitalized and eventually was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I have accepted that I will spend the rest of my life medicated and fortunately the medication has turned my life around. But I am ashamed of my illness and society's attitude towards people like me does not help with that. Outside of my family and my closest friends no one knows.

So if you suffer please know that I am there with you.

[Jaden]

Originally Posted by J-Doug

Hi guys,

I wanted to share my experience in hopes of opening a dialog. I grew up the victim of an abusive household and my mother died when I was 15 so I suffered the consequences of those realities. By the time I hit my mid-thirties, despite having my life together in a visible sense, the wheels started to fall off internally. I became very ill, was hospitalized and eventually was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I have accepted that I will spend the rest of my life medicated and fortunately the medication turned my life around. But I am ashamed of my illness and society's attitude towards people like me does not help with that. Outside of my family and my closest friends no one knows.

So if you suffer please know that I am there with you.

I think what is called bi polar disorder nowadays is fairly common, and that it is more or less a coping mechanism where a person adopts certain behaviours to protect oneself from further abuse. As human beings we live in very close quarters to one another so good behaviour at all times is necessary so as not to ‘rock the boat’. A few thousand years ago I think such behaviour would simply be considered natural for strength and survival. I suffer from bi polar also but don’t tolerate medication due to a weak liver. I’ve dealt with it by staying home most of the time laying down and keeping out of trouble.

Thanks for sharing your courageous and honest account. From your guitar list you’ve done well!

Originally Posted by Jaden

I think what is called bi polar disorder nowadays is fairly common, and that it is more or less a coping mechanism where a person adopts certain behaviours to protect oneself from further abuse. As human beings we live in very close quarters to one another so good behaviour at all times is necessary so as not to ‘rock the boat’. A few thousand years ago I think such behaviour would simply be considered natural for strength and survival. I suffer from bi polar also but don’t tolerate medication due to a weak liver. I’ve dealt with it by staying home most of the time laying down and keeping out of trouble.

Thanks for sharing your courageous and honest account. From your guitar list you’ve done well!

Thank you sharing Jaden. I thought I'd add this link as I feel that many do not understand what we deal with daily: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topi...er/index.shtml

[Kerbie]

Doug, you have a lot of guts and I respect that. I feel for you dealing with this issue. I have a good friend in a similar boat. While I think you're exactly right about the disappointing way society helps its citizens who need a hand, you are certainly not alone. And we're glad you're here playing guitar with us.

Originally Posted by Kerbie

Doug, you have a lot of guts and I respect that. I feel for you dealing with this issue. I have a good friend in a similar boat. While I think you're exactly right about the disappointing way society helps its citizens who need a hand, you are certainly not alone. And we're glad you're here playing guitar with us.

Thank you for your support Kerbie. And yes I'm happy to be here.

[aknow]

Originally Posted by Jaden

I think what is called bi polar disorder nowadays is fairly common, and that it is more or less a coping mechanism where a person adopts certain behaviours to protect oneself from further abuse. As human beings we live in very close quarters to one another so good behaviour at all times is necessary so as not to ‘rock the boat’. A few thousand years ago I think such behaviour would simply be considered natural for strength and survival. I suffer from bi polar also but don’t tolerate medication due to a weak liver. I’ve dealt with it by staying home most of the time laying down and keeping out of trouble.

Thanks for sharing your courageous and honest account. From your guitar list you’ve done well!

It's not common, and can be very severe for the patient and their family. So many Americans are "altered" and medicated it's hard to know where reality starts and drugged effects end. I've experienced that disease being mis-diagnosed, mis medicated, and cause suicide and even murder. I wouldn't consider that common. All judges, lawyers, and public officials should be tested for drugs and alcohol frequently. Most people with this self-medicate with those substances. That's why for many of us, society is deranged.

[Jaden]

Originally Posted by aknow

It's not common, and can be very severe for the patient and their family. So many Americans are "altered" and medicated it's hard to know where reality starts and drugged effects end. I've experienced that disease being mis-diagnosed, mis medicated, and cause suicide and even murder. I wouldn't consider that common. All judges, lawyers, and public officials should be tested for drugs and alcohol frequently. Most people with this self-medicate with those substances. That's why for many of us, society is deranged.

I hear you with regard to substance abuse. It seems everywhere I go people use alcohol to escape from reality. There are some folks who’ve done well with the help of a good physician, but I’ve seen some bad things with over medication too. I also think some folks put a lot of pressure on themselves to succeed financially, which is ok as long as it doesn’t hurt others around them. I have at least a couple of self made millionaires in my immediate family, but I measure success by level of emotional awareness. I think mental illness has reached epidemic levels in our society due to a host of complex factors. For myself, guitar playing has worked to heal some emotional scars from the past.

[aknow]

Originally Posted by Jaden

I hear you with regard to substance abuse. It seems everywhere I go people use alcohol to escape from reality. There are some folks who’ve done well with the help of a good physician, but I’ve seen some bad things with over medication too. I also think some folks put a lot of pressure on themselves to succeed financially, which is ok as long as it doesn’t hurt others around them. I have at least a couple of self made millionaires in my immediate family, but I measure success by level of emotional awareness. I think mental illness has reached epidemic levels in our society due to a host of complex factors. For myself, guitar playing has worked to heal some emotional scars from the past.

My 1st wife was killed by her "physician", a fake psychiatrist, just a drug pusher. The "doctor" went to prison, then got her license back! I am very opposed to much of the "treatment" of people with mental disorders. The treatment should start with support, love, proper nutrition and healthy lifestyles. No one achieves normality with excessive drugs and/or alcohol.
I hope you can achieve wellness.

[leew3]

Thank you for the openness of your post. May your journey be as stress free as possible.

Originally Posted by leew3

Thank you for the openness of your post. May your journey be as stress free as possible.

Thank you for your support.

[JimH]

J-Doug, my wife is bipolar type 1. Just coming out of the worst manic episode in my over 2 decades of marriage to her. Meds stop working eventually so they try new meds. Nothing worked. She started ECT treatment 3 weeks ago and has made a change for the better. Out of the hospital, feeling good. ECT is not for everyone but it is helping her when nothing else would. The world of psychotropic drugs is a miserable place, they all have terrible side effects but the delusions, paranoia, hearing voices etc. of type 1 is no way to live either. We stick by each other because of roles were reversed she would do the same for me. I feel for you getting to experience it as a spouse first hand.

Originally Posted by JimH

J-Doug, my wife is bipolar type 1. Just coming out of the worst manic episode in my over 2 decades of marriage to her. Meds stop working eventually so they try new meds. Nothing worked. She started ECT treatment 3 weeks ago and has made a change for the better. Out of the hospital, feeling good. ECT is not for everyone but it is helping her when nothing else would. The world of psychotropic drugs is a miserable place, they all have terrible side effects but the delusions, paranoia, hearing voices etc. of type 1 is no way to live either. We stick by each other because of roles were reversed she would do the same for me. I feel for you getting to experience it as a spouse first hand.

Thank you for sharing and for your support Jim.

[Merak]

I have a couple close relatives diagnosed as bipolar, I hope you have good professional help and my heart goes out to you. My brother was diagnosed several years ago, had lost his friends, home and job until he finally accepted treatment. I am so glad to have him back. Lots of opinions out there on what it is and what the cause might be so won’t add to the speculation. My best wishes for you, hope you find the answers you need, maybe there are support groups near you?

[Silly Moustache]

Hi J-doug et al,
I am a depressive, and unashamed.

I have experienced periods of anxiety, leading to depression most of my working life (from 18 until app 60), and a couple of times since retiring.

There have been times when I have been prescribed Fluoxitine and other drugs. In my case, they "zombified" me (made me uncreative, and spiritually "flat". The last time I used fluoxitine it actually increased my problem.

The best solution for me was Cognitive Behaviour Therapy with a good therapist (some are more helpful than others - I was lucky).

CBT does not pretend to "solve or cure" as such, it enables you ... edit, I've just found a far better description by the British NHS:

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cognit...l-therapy-cbt/

During my experience with Cancer, treatment and appalling side and after effects in 2017, the physical disabilities and pain, was very difficult to cope with, but I found that whilst I felt "down" a lot, I did not experience the depression that I had experienced in the past , because I did not have a chance to go through the preceding anxiety.

I still have life changing problems - no taste, no saliva, difficulty eating, constant pain, swelling in my throat, tongue and neck, damage to my sight and hearing, but (I am told) I seem to present as a cheerful, healthy person.

I often have great difficulty talking, socialising, not least singing, which is possibly why I use fora such as this to communicate now that I've had to end my lecturing career, and reduce my performing activities - but I still do it!

Life becomes so much more precious when you realise how short and limited it can be.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.


Do not go gentle into that good night
Dylan Thomas - 1914-1953

[jnidoh]

J-Doug, when I read "I was ashamed of my illness" I felt a cold shiver go up my spine. 41 years ago my older brother died. Diabetes hit him when he was eight and he always told me, don't let anyone know that I'm a diabetic. He was ashamed that he was sick.

He wanted to be like everyone else and ate the candy and sweets like they did, just to fit in and hide his disease.

If he were open and not ashamed, maybe those people he was trying to be like could have helped him. But, kids being kids, it's probably just regretful and wishful thinking on my part.

"I was ashamed of my illness".

I hate to hear that because it's a very small segment of society that forces a person to feel that way about a physical or mental affliction and it's usually from people that don't know, don't care and don't want to get involved.

Your friends will understand and not judge or be embarrassed or ashamed........ trust them and forget the rest of the world.

john