The Divorce

[RP]

A friend who's a lawyer called a plumber out on Sunday to fix a leak. The plumber spent about 20 minutes fixing the leak and then gave my friend a bill for $400. My friend was taken aback. "$400!!! You were here 20 minutes. I don't make that much, and I'm a lawyer." To which the the plumber replied, "Neither did I when I was a lawyer...."

[buddyhu]

Originally Posted by Denny B

I believe that maturity is a state of mind that directs us to conduct our lives with dignity, respect for ourselves and others, and to willingly carry out our obligations and responsibilities in life...

Personally, in my 71 years, I've never observed those characteristics to be displayed any more or less, dependent upon a person's marital or family status...I've seen major success stories and major fails pretty equally on both side of the matrimonial fence...

It's a matter of personal choice, and as I say about a lot of things, "It's an inside job..."

Nicely stated!

[rllink]

Forty some years into my second. My first was short and when we split we didn't have much. I told my lawyer she could have it all if I never had to see or talk to her again. It went pretty smooth after that and no drama. She just took what little we had and faded out of my life. She moved to another state. I haven't seen or heard from her since. I recovered from it fine. I got married again three years later.

I can't imagine going through life alone, without a partner. I have a couple life long bachelor friends and that's not the life I want to live. I'm very happy being married. My wife and I get along great and have a lot of fun together. We produced two great and caring kids. I like my wife a lot.

[Neil K Walk]

Originally Posted by rmp

wow.. quite the story (and very well written.. I do appreciate a well written story! hey, who don't!)

aside from cats being microwaved.... what ever happened with the divorce?

My brother in-law has been going thru a nasty one for going on three years this summer. His soon to be ex is clearly next of kin Satan's daughter. Full of hate, and as unstable as a bucket of nitro.

That whole attorney racking up billable hours is just exactly the kind of schmuck she hired.

That fits the MO with my BIL as well. His ex gaslighted him to the point of insanity so she threw in a PFA for good measure. He had to move out of state. After two years of back and forth his ex wife got the house and kids, he got to keep his car and pay child support without any visitation.

He's moved on and lives someplace sunny near the beach with a sweet woman his own age and his oldest daughter (who the ex poisoned against him) just turned 18. I am so happy for the guy.

[captain_jack]

I'm at the tail end of a divorce, but all things considered I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. There was no fighting, no nastiness, we just drifted apart over time, and by the time I realized it, it was too late. It's been emotionally gut-wrenching, but the splitting up assets part was easy. And we're friends now (I think? not really sure what we have but we're still on good terms and we have love for each other so it's a bit of a bizarre relationship).

I agree with the other comment about life long bachelors, I have no interest in that. I loved being married, and I want that companionship. But I'm at a point where I can't even imagine starting over, figuring out how to date. My (soon to be ex) wife and I met not long before the age of dating apps and swiping, so I've never had to deal with that before and I'm certainly not looking forward to it.

[fumei]

Originally Posted by ghostnote

So many blinded-by-love guys I've known just get married for all the wrong reasons - I'm sure we've all seen that. I have shaken many hands and said "congratulations" to a lot of guys I knew when my actual thoughts were "he must be crazy". Sometimes everyone in the room knows that two people are wrong for each other except the actual two people.

My best man was one of my closest friends. When my marriage crumbled (she had breast cancer and fell in love with her oncologist and left, offering to date me occasionally...I declined), he said that he (my best man) thought it would end badly, he did not like her and thought she was...oh, never mind. I said, why did you not say something?

He laughed and said that I was in love and would never have listened to him. I had to agree. I would not have.

[RP]

Been divorced twice and then in a long-term relationship (15 years), I've realized that I'm not wired to be in a day in/day out long-term relationship. It's not that I want to "play the field," I don't. However, I've realized that my alone time is quite necessary for me...

[KevWind]

Well one quick personal overly simplistic observation, after 40 years of marriage , still going strong.

(without judgement)
Life is change, either you change together, or you change apart.


And I will use some song lyrics to illustrate some further thoughts.

Mary Black.............. "Love is never easy, it's almost always out of your way"
Jagger/Richards ......" You can't always get what you want"
Darrel Scott ......... "We walk this road together, and we walk this road alone"

[Mr. Paul]

Originally Posted by fumei

My best man was one of my closest friends. When my marriage crumbled (she had breast cancer and fell in love with her oncologist and left, offering to date me occasionally...I declined), he said that he (my best man) thought it would end badly, he did not like her and thought she was...oh, never mind. I said, why did you not say something?

He laughed and said that I was in love and would never have listened to him. I had to agree. I would not have.

I found out after the fact that mom tried to talk my brother out of marrying the wrong gal ... the morning of the wedding. She was right. Though he didn't listen then, of course, it was just a couple of years before he was saying he should have.

[6L6]

I married my college sweetheart. I was 23 and she was 22.

We just celebrated our 52nd anniversary last month. Two kids and five grandkids later, life couldn't be much better (once we get through the pandemic and live music starts up again).

IF you get the right one like I did, marriage is a wonderful thing. I attribute many of my successes in life to my wife's influence.

My best advice on marriage: Marry someone who is better than you in looks and has a really good brain. Marrying a really smart woman pays enormous dividends.

[buddyhu]

When I read posts that suggest that people are "wrong for each other", or that someone has made the "wrong choice", I want to register my dissent.

A word like wrong is much too black-or-white, IMO. Just because a relationship doesn't last a lifetime doesn't mean that there was a failure, or that a mistake was made.

And just because something is unpleasant doesn't mean it is to be avoided at all costs. Often, an unpleasant experience brings many opportunities to learn valuable things about oneself, about one's "blindspots", and about how to bear/cope with things that seem unbearable. And since life tends to present a number of seemingly unbearable challenges, learning something about how to bear such things is INVALUABLE (indeed, it is not unheard of for people to share how they learned to thrive in the midst of such discomfort...though the sense of growing and thriving is not immediate...it often arises years later).

I know, there are some folks who were lucky enough to learn things in their family of origin that have enabled them to bear what is difficult to bear without becoming rigid or bitter or "distant" from themselves and others. And I know that some choose lifelong partners early in life. I am happy for folks who have been given such blessings. But most folks I know came out of their families inadequately prepared to deal with some of the things life would throw at them, and had to do the best they could to learn by doing, and to learn to develop a bigger perspective because their smaller perspective was no longer workable/viable.

[Ovation1]

Do not ever get married in the USA, simple as that. Also, do not cohabitate

[RedJoker]

I'll add my $0.02 story.

My ex-wife and I were together for 19 years and she wanted a different life, a career change where she was on the road for work almost all the time. She decided the only fair thing was to leave, instead of working through it together, so we got an annulment. We're still vaguely friends. No kids and live hours away from each other so it's just the occasional text message.

Anyway, I found out later that she regretted that decision but I had moved on with life. So she remarried. The first time we talked about her husband, her description included such glowing phrases as "He has great health insurance" and "His house is paid off because it's the one he grew up in." I think she's still on the road a vast majority of the time so I'm fairly confident it's a marriage of convenience but hey... not my circus, not my monkeys....

[Aspiring]

I divorced 8 years ago and luckily for me it's going as well as it could.

For those of you stating the virtues of marriage I'd suggest trying to date in the modern age.

I have had a couple relationships since my divorce and even in those eight years the landscape has drastically changed. And when I started eight years ago it was already vastly different from the late 90s when I met my ex wife.

The comment on not getting into a serious relationship in the us in this day and age is pretty much spot on.

And to forestall the bitter bachelor comments I've actually dated what I consider some very good quality successful women with good character and still consider them so after things have ended.

[Neil K Walk]

Originally Posted by Ovation1

Do not ever get married in the USA, simple as that. Also, do not cohabitate

It kinda screws the kids up. Having a man cave with a bed or a fouton helps though.