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  #31  
Old 03-05-2021, 02:53 PM
Grizzly Adams Grizzly Adams is offline
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In most cases, it is pretty cut and dry and the outcome is pretty much predictable . My lawyer laid out the "standard outcome" for me. I suggested another scenario. She said, "We can do that, but you going to have to be mad dog mean. Can you do that? After an explanation of "that," I decided I was not mean enough , and went the standard outcome.....In the end we must live with ourselves.
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  #32  
Old 03-05-2021, 05:41 PM
AmericanEagle AmericanEagle is offline
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Originally Posted by Ovation1 View Post
Do not ever get married in the USA, simple as that. Also, do not cohabitate
I totally agree.
A friend of mine’s wife was cheating on him. He found out eventually.
They got a divorce. The judge gave the wife the house, custody of the 3 kids, and my friend wound-up living on his brother’s couch.
I’d rather swallow a cyanide pill than get married again.
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  #33  
Old 03-07-2021, 03:21 PM
KarenB KarenB is offline
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believe that maturity is a state of mind that directs us to conduct our lives with dignity, respect for ourselves and others, and to willingly carry out our obligations and responsibilities in life...

Personally, in my 71 years, I've never observed those characteristics to be displayed any more or less, dependent upon a person's marital or family status...I've seen major success stories and major fails pretty equally on both side of the matrimonial fence...

It's a matter of personal choice, and as I say about a lot of things, "It's an inside job..."
Well said, Denny.
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  #34  
Old 03-07-2021, 05:38 PM
KarenB KarenB is offline
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Scott, you wrote:
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I'm not sure a person can really attain full maturity not having been married with kids.
In words you once wrote to me about something I wrote:
Quote:
Oooh...that's quite a generalization.
Scott,you may not have realized it, or meant it this way, but you uttered words of vituperation towards a lot of people.

Denny expressed my views about what you wrote better than I just did , but I felt impelled to join the conversation.
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Last edited by KarenB; 03-07-2021 at 07:20 PM.
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  #35  
Old 03-07-2021, 08:10 PM
Borderdon Borderdon is offline
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Coming up on 50th anniversary soon, married young (both pretty green) but over time we’ve made the adjustments necessary and it’s worked for us.
Not without its moments as is to be expected though.
Obviously never had the divorce experience, and am reading this thread with interest.
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  #36  
Old 03-10-2021, 11:30 AM
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I've seen divorce from many angles in my life. Each one heartbreaking at first, but ended in a somewhat friendly manner over time. You sure don't want to hear about those.

My favorite brother was a 20 year Marine who married 5 times - but only included three partners. This is the divorce conversation that might make you tip your head, curl your upper lip and squint your eyes.

Wife #1 - Considered her a beauty to look at. Had their SIDS baby. Annulled. Claimed immaturity on both sides. He thought about joining service but walked away with nothing.

Wife #2 - A nice girl in the neighborhood. Her brother committed suicide so my brother became the local loved dependable male - temporarily. Party life intrigued him as he was known as the dreamy lead singer in a band to many young girls. Divorced. He was still thinking of joining service. Walked away with nothing but his bitter feelings that she wouldn't support his band dream world.

Wife #2 (again) - They missed each other. Remarried a few years later. He became a Marine who moved around and she missed being at home. Two kids later they both felt kids needed stability. She moved back home. He was already eyeing a Navy nurse. Divorced. He walked away with nothing to his name but stayed in Marines which help him faithfully pay alimony and child support until last child was out of college.

Wife #3 - That eye appealing Navy gal. He really chased her highly intelligent, soft spoken ways. Each time the Navy took her one way, he (Sergeant in Marines) was right behind her. She melted into him but soon they, too, divorced. Well, let's face it, he was still the dreamy lead singer of the band to more than just this wife, too. She wasn't tolerating that and rightfully so. He walked away with nothing but a memory.

Wife #1 (again) - wrote half of his service mail. I wrote the other half. He admitted he missed being married. He retired. Came back to the home front. Called me ALL the time. Even after many hours on the phone and all those many handwritten letters from me to remind him that it's better to move forward in new relationships than to relish the prior miserable years he called me one more time and said, "HELP! She proposed to me this time. NOW what?" For 6 hours that evening I let him know it's best to relax and be a friend to her so they didn't repeat past mistakes to bring them up in his or her face. He said something I'll never forget. "I think I am looking for someone who is like you who I can trust and wants to see me succeed. Someone I can laugh with about stuff like we laugh at. Someone who isn't intimidated by my Marine attitude when it shows up. You tolerate me. Maybe she will tolerate me now." I asked him again not to accept her proposal.

The next day Mom called. He told her I am his closest and best friend and he appreciated my advice but he can handle this now. They left the Justice of Peace a few hours before with a ring on her finger. (sigh) So they were miserable for almost 3 years living together off and on. Walked away with nothing. Slept on any couch available.

After that final #5 divorce he wanted to get back in touch with the Navy nurse wife. I strongly discouraged that. He finally felt it was OK to live alone now that alimony and support money was in his own pocket. He leaned on me as a sister and a friend. We visited and called each other often. He was the fun jolly him again. He killed time by playing many McKnight Guitars in our shop. He played in the Main street band, rode his Harley and let the wind flow through his thin hippy long hair. As his final hours on this earth approached I barely left his side. He told me "maybe" marriage wasn't really for him. Then asked if he could spend the rest of his life living in our home. I assured him he certainly could if he promised never to spend another dime on another wedding ring. He giggled. "Deal!"

Six days passed. He never left the hospital. I sure miss him.

People need people even if marriage isn't their thing.
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  #37  
Old 03-10-2021, 11:43 AM
frances50 frances50 is offline
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Originally Posted by Mary View Post
Six days passed. He never left the hospital. I sure miss him.

People need people even if marriage isn't their thing.

Sad story but thanks for sharing.
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  #38  
Old 03-11-2021, 08:43 AM
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KevWind KevWind is offline
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Originally Posted by KarenB View Post
Scott, you wrote:

In words you once wrote to me about something I wrote:

Scott,you may not have realized it, or meant it this way, but you uttered words of vituperation towards a lot of people.

Denny expressed my views about what you wrote better than I just did , but I felt impelled to join the conversation.
Yes indeed Glittering generalities of any ilk , are just that and seldom if ever correct.
And simply put, "Maturity" has absolutely nothing to do with being "married with kids" or not. That is specious nonsense. A few of the most selfish, and socially immature people I know, are married and parents.
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  #39  
Old 03-11-2021, 09:08 AM
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My divorce was in 1981 and we had no kids. There was a lot of talking about dividing the equity in the house, what little there was, but there was never any talk of me paying her anything. I thought that alimony was something they had quit doing by then, unless you were some really rich guy with a kept wife.
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