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  #46  
Old 04-27-2017, 04:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cotten View Post
Why are violins bigger than violas?
They're actually the same size. It's just that violinist's heads are bigger.

What's the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw? Vibrato.

Why is it that sound guys, when performing mic checks, can count no higher than three? This is not a joke, I really want to know!













cotten
Love these!
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  #47  
Old 04-27-2017, 05:53 PM
BFD BFD is offline
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Three F clefs walk into a bar full of G clefs. The first one pulls up short and says to his buddies "Boys, this is gonna be nothin' but treble"..
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  #48  
Old 04-28-2017, 12:25 PM
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Originally Posted by BFD View Post
Three F clefs walk into a bar full of G clefs. The first one pulls up short and says to his buddies "Boys, this is gonna be nothin' but treble"..
Love it!

Keep 'em comin, folks.
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  #49  
Old 04-28-2017, 12:41 PM
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.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZz1HRZbYlI
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  #50  
Old 04-28-2017, 12:51 PM
Steadfastly Steadfastly is online now
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We need a "like" button on this forum. There are a few I hadn't heard before and a few good ones that still bring a smile to my face.
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  #51  
Old 04-28-2017, 10:01 PM
Jerry D Jerry D is offline
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What's the definition of a professional guitarist? He loads $5,000.00 worth of equipment into a $500.00 car and drives 50 miles to play a $50.00 gig.
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  #52  
Old 04-29-2017, 10:10 AM
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Genius, folks, genius. Keep 'em comin'.

sm
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  #53  
Old 04-29-2017, 04:49 PM
hesson11 hesson11 is offline
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Q. What do you call someone who likes to hang out with musicians?
A. A drummer.
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  #54  
Old 04-29-2017, 09:42 PM
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a savings bond?
Eventually, a savings bond will mature and earn money.

What's the first thing a guitarist says when he knocks on your door?
Pizza!

What do you call a successful guitarist?
A guy whose wife has two jobs.

What's the difference between a lead guitarist and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with a terrorist.

How long does it take to tune a 12-string guitar?
Nobody knows.
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  #55  
Old 04-29-2017, 11:36 PM
John Bartus John Bartus is offline
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Why do bagpipers wallk around when they play?
To get away from all the freaking noise!


When Stevie Ray Vaughn's helicopter went down, the world lost a gifted artist. But on the other side of that life-and-death instant, Stevie Ray woke up and found himself on a huge stage set up for literally dozens of musicians. His trusty Strat was on a stand next to his favorite amp. Poor Stevie was confused... But even more so when Jimi Hendrix came out of the wings and plugged his Strat into his Marshall stack. Stevie walks up to Hendrix and says, "Jimi, is that really you?"

Jimi replies in the affirmative, and says, "Man, we've been watching you from this side. You done good." About that time, nearly every musician and singer who was dead to that point started walking out on stage, grabbing their instruments, and tuning up. Pigpen, Janis, John Lennon, Jim Morrison, and many more began preparing for what was shaping up to be a huge concert.

Stevie Ray says, "I must have died and gone to rock and roll Heaven!"

Jimi replied, "Don't be so quick to judge..."

At that moment, Karen Carpenter climbs the drum riser, starts tapping out a rhythm on her drumsticks, and says, "Alright, boys -- 'Close To You!' One... Two...."
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  #56  
Old 04-30-2017, 07:22 AM
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Musicians during a sound check:
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  #57  
Old 04-30-2017, 12:04 PM
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[QUOTE]What is the difference between a guitarist and a savings bond?
Eventually, a savings bond will mature and earn money.[QUOTE]

That one reminds me of this one:

Q: What's the difference between Los Angeles and a bowl of yogurt?
A: The yogurt has a living culture.

sm
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  #58  
Old 04-30-2017, 12:18 PM
FriedaCalor FriedaCalor is offline
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A guitarist dies and goes before St. Peter who tells him "you've led a really wonderful life so as a reward you can form a band with whoever you like up here."
Man is he stoked, he can have Keith Moon on drums, Coltrane on sax, Charles Mingus on bass, the possibilities are endless. He is truly in heaven.
After he chooses his all-time band, St. Peter approaches him again and says, "I'd like to introduce you to my daughter, she's a lead singer."
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  #59  
Old 04-30-2017, 12:54 PM
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Frieda, love that one.

Here are a couple of my favorite drummer jokes:

Two cowboys are waiting in their fort for the Indians to attack. They listen to the distant pounding of war drums. One cowboy says to the other, "I don't like the sound of them drums." There's a pause, then a distant shout from the Indian camp: "He's not our regular drummer!"

A man goes to a Pacific island for vacation. As the boat nears, he notices the constant sound of drumming. As he gets off the boat, he asks a native how long the drumming will go on. The native looks about nervously and says, "Very bad when drumming stops."

Later that same day, the drumming is still going and it is really starting to get to him. So he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been spooked and just before he hurries off says, "Very bad when drumming stops."

After a couple of days with constant drumming and little sleep, the man has had enough. He grabs the first native he sees, slams him against a tree, and shouts, "What happens when the drumming stops?!"

"Mmm, the native replies. "Bass solo."
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  #60  
Old 05-01-2017, 02:12 PM
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This is more of a "smile inducer" than a joke. I created this over the weekend for all of us here on AGF. Enjoy!

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