The Acoustic Guitar Forum

Go Back   The Acoustic Guitar Forum > General Acoustic Guitar and Amplification Discussion > Show and Tell

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #1  
Old 07-05-2010, 04:24 PM
Mr. Dave Mr. Dave is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Paradise, CA
Posts: 355
Default New Original: "Emily and Mr. Neil"

Had a lot of fun writing this one. It has a bit of a light jazz flavor and I set a rule for myself when writing the lyrics - I had to state things as indirectly as possible, while still providing enough details so that the listener is able to understand correctly what is going on. It's been through three re-writes.

There are a few clams and clunkers in the recording, but what I am most interested in is if I managed to get the story across. Please tell me what you think is going on in this story.

Of course comments and critiques re any aspect of this piece are welcome too.

So here, without further ado, is Emily and Mr. Neil
__________________
Dave Pierce

Taylor 555 '82
Martin DM '97
Yamaha EZ-AG
Washburn Rover /w Fishman Matrix Infinity UST
Shen SB-100 (double bass) 2010
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 07-05-2010, 05:24 PM
Bob1131 Bob1131 is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Georgia, USA
Posts: 6,925
Default

Nice, Dave! Is Emily a dolphin?
__________________
ShowcaseYourMusic (covers)

ReverbNation (originals)

SoundCloud (the Hobo Troubadour)
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 07-05-2010, 05:50 PM
Ranger1964 Ranger1964 is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Warren, Pa
Posts: 3,773
Default

Possibly Emily is a sailboat??
__________________
"A songwriter's job is to go digging around in his soul and come up with, and put to paper, what others can't express about the soul itself." -Radney Foster


Ranger's Soundclick page


Roy's Reverbnation page
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 07-06-2010, 06:06 AM
rmyAddison rmyAddison is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Addison, TX
Posts: 19,011
Default

Well...............

it's going to take more than one listen, and I don't mind, so that's a big compliment. As a fellow singer/songwriter it was interesting, you told a story and made me listen and think, the signs of a good song.

Well done Dave, when I have time for another listen I'll post my "thoughts", I liked it!
__________________
Rich - rmyAddison

Rich Macklin Soundclick Website
http://www.youtube.com/rmyaddison

Martin OM-18 Authentic '33 Adirondack/Mahogany
Martin CS OM-28 Alpine/Madagascar
Martin CS 00-42 Adirondack/Madagascar
Martin OM-45TB (2005) Engelmann/Tasmanian Blackwood (#23 of 29)
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 07-06-2010, 07:05 AM
Mr. Dave Mr. Dave is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Paradise, CA
Posts: 355
Default

The vote so far re the nature of Emily:

Dolphin 2 votes (one by email)

Mermaid 2 votes (one by email)

Sailboat 1 vote

But Emily is only 1/2 of the story. I'll wait a couple of days and then do the "Paul Harvey" thing

Thanks so much for listening and posting, guys. It means a lot to me.
__________________
Dave Pierce

Taylor 555 '82
Martin DM '97
Yamaha EZ-AG
Washburn Rover /w Fishman Matrix Infinity UST
Shen SB-100 (double bass) 2010
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 07-06-2010, 08:24 AM
Bob1131 Bob1131 is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Georgia, USA
Posts: 6,925
Default

Ah, the rest of the story...a lonely old man goes down to sit on the pier each morning and feeds the dolphin who does dances out of the water as dolphins do. He talks to it and tells it about what is on his mind. But today, an oil slick has kept the wildlife away and Emily won't be there.

How far am I from the story?
__________________
ShowcaseYourMusic (covers)

ReverbNation (originals)

SoundCloud (the Hobo Troubadour)
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 07-06-2010, 10:41 AM
shawlie shawlie is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,727
Default

I agree with Bob about the story - I think it is also a dolphin (with a hole to blow out water, making the "rainbows" - which is a wonderful line).

The past couple of tunes you made were great, but this one is just fantastic! I absolutely love the guitar playing and your singing is perfect. The melody flows so nice, with the faster parts and the slower lines and pauzes - it suits the seashore feeling perfect. Really, really nice - no idea how you come up with such a nice progression, but I really love it!

And the story is very interesting - very sad, but it really keeps you listening. You can picture things in your head, it really takes you somewhere else when you listen. The last verse is the saddest, too bad endings can't be always happy, but it is so nicely written.

Fantastic tune, very nicely done!
__________________
a few fingerstyle country-blues and folk tunes

"Yeah!" - Blind Boy Fuller
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 07-07-2010, 07:48 AM
Mr. Dave Mr. Dave is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Paradise, CA
Posts: 355
Default The Rest of the Story

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ranger1964 View Post
Possibly Emily is a sailboat??
Hmm, If Steven King can create a murderous Cadillac named Christine, I guess I could come up with a smiling, sandwich eating, sailboat, named Emily. But I didn't Thanks, Roy, for taking the time to give it a listen and posting.

Quote:
Originally Posted by rmyAddison View Post
it's going to take more than one listen, and I don't mind, so that's a big compliment. As a fellow singer/songwriter it was interesting, you told a story and made me listen and think, the signs of a good song.

Well done Dave, when I have time for another listen I'll post my "thoughts", I liked it!
Thanks Rich. That means a lot to me. I value your time and your opinions.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob1131 View Post
Nice, Dave! Is Emily a dolphin? Ah, the rest of the story...a lonely old man goes down to sit on the pier each morning and feeds the dolphin who does dances out of the water as dolphins do. He talks to it and tells it about what is on his mind. But today, an oil slick has kept the wildlife away and Emily won't be there. How far am I from the story?
Who you callin' "old"? Not far off at all, Bob. Emily is a dolphin. Mr. Neil is a retired 'Nam Vet who lives alone now, but his rendezvous with Emily take place out on the water of the Gulf (They met by chance while fishing on the Gulf near Destin Bay). We can hope that Emily got away from the oil slick, but we don't know. Mr. Neil feels, in part, responsible for contributing to the conditions that led to the disaster (the conditions being symbolized by the "Gas Pump pier"), which is why he is apologizing and asking Emily to forgive him. The lyrics of the outro were excerpted from Dr. Emoto's "Prayer for the Gulf".

Quote:
Originally Posted by shawlie View Post
I agree with Bob about the story - I think it is also a dolphin (with a hole to blow out water, making the "rainbows" - which is a wonderful line).

The past couple of tunes you made were great, but this one is just fantastic! I absolutely love the guitar playing and your singing is perfect. The melody flows so nice, with the faster parts and the slower lines and pauzes - it suits the seashore feeling perfect. Really, really nice - no idea how you come up with such a nice progression, but I really love it!

And the story is very interesting - very sad, but it really keeps you listening. You can picture things in your head, it really takes you somewhere else when you listen. The last verse is the saddest, too bad endings can't be always happy, but it is so nicely written.

Fantastic tune, very nicely done!
Wow, Charlie. You know how much I admire your songwriting. This is high praise indeed. Thank you. And yes, I think this is the saddest song I have ever written. It was also the most fun I've had with songwriting in some time.
__________________
Dave Pierce

Taylor 555 '82
Martin DM '97
Yamaha EZ-AG
Washburn Rover /w Fishman Matrix Infinity UST
Shen SB-100 (double bass) 2010
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 07-07-2010, 09:43 AM
Steve Berger Steve Berger is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Southern California
Posts: 3,212
Default

Hi Mr Dave . . .

I loved "Emily and Mr. Neil". It will probably take me a few more listens to begin to figure out the full story.

I really admire your ability to tell such a wonderful story in such a melodic way. My favorite sports announcer Chick Hearn passed away a few years ago and they used to say his great ability was to create a "words-eye-view" of the LA Lakers games for his radio audience. You did the same through "Emily and Mr. Neil".
__________________
Steve
SoundCloud / SoundClick / Facebook Music Page

'More guitars than I need but not as many as I want.'
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 07-07-2010, 10:33 AM
rmyAddison rmyAddison is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Addison, TX
Posts: 19,011
Default

OK, I had my second listen.......................

OUTSTANDING Dave, all my respect!

A lot of honestly mediocre stuff gets posted here, some understandably by newbies who may become great, and some by folks who just aren't blessed with a lot of talent, being honest not hopefully mean.

And then occasionally we get songs like "Emily and Mr. Neil" which are absolutley "where did that come from" fantastic! I've taken a few songwriting workshops and that would get big props from the pros.

Everything works, the playing, the very nice emotional singing, and the wonderful and uniquely different story.

I loved it...................
__________________
Rich - rmyAddison

Rich Macklin Soundclick Website
http://www.youtube.com/rmyaddison

Martin OM-18 Authentic '33 Adirondack/Mahogany
Martin CS OM-28 Alpine/Madagascar
Martin CS 00-42 Adirondack/Madagascar
Martin OM-45TB (2005) Engelmann/Tasmanian Blackwood (#23 of 29)
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 07-07-2010, 09:59 PM
Mr. Dave Mr. Dave is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Paradise, CA
Posts: 355
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve Berger View Post
I really admire your ability to tell such a wonderful story in such a melodic way. My favorite sports announcer Chick Hearn passed away a few years ago and they used to say his great ability was to create a "words-eye-view" of the LA Lakers games for his radio audience. You did the same through "Emily and Mr. Neil".
Thank you, Steve. This was one of those songs that seemed to have a life of its own. Hopefully I will be gifted with another such writing experience. Guess I'll just have to keep writing. Oh the drudgery.

By the way... did you ever get your question answered re recording vs. automating faders in different programs?
Quote:
Originally Posted by rmyAddison View Post
OUTSTANDING Dave, all my respect!

And then occasionally we get songs like "Emily and Mr. Neil" which are absolutley "where did that come from" fantastic! I've taken a few songwriting workshops and that would get big props from the pros.

Everything works, the playing, the very nice emotional singing, and the wonderful and uniquely different story.

I loved it...................
Thank you, Rich. You've always been honest and respectful with your critiques, and that has been very helpful in developing my chops. I like to experiment with different styles of music and approaches to writing. As I said to Steve, this one seemed to have a life of its own. It felt like a relationship (a good one). I recorded it in just two takes. Man that was sweet. Well, on to the next song.
__________________
Dave Pierce

Taylor 555 '82
Martin DM '97
Yamaha EZ-AG
Washburn Rover /w Fishman Matrix Infinity UST
Shen SB-100 (double bass) 2010
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 07-08-2010, 07:26 AM
Steve Berger Steve Berger is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Southern California
Posts: 3,212
Default

Quote:
By the way... did you ever get your question answered re recording vs. automating faders in different programs?
Hi Dave . . . I've still got that on the back burner for now as I'm still recovering. Thanks for remembering and I will get back with you on that for sure!
__________________
Steve
SoundCloud / SoundClick / Facebook Music Page

'More guitars than I need but not as many as I want.'
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 07-08-2010, 10:10 PM
Bevelman Bevelman is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 1,166
Default

You really get your point across without being melodramatic. I loved it, I cried ...
__________________
Gerry

Last edited by Bevelman; 07-08-2010 at 10:25 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 07-09-2010, 08:04 AM
Mr. Dave Mr. Dave is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Paradise, CA
Posts: 355
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bevelman View Post
You really get your point across without being melodramatic. I loved it, I cried ...
Thanks, Gerry. In my (much) younger days the "social consciousness" stuff I wrote would come out sounding preachy, strident, shrill, and tiresome. This one works. I hope I can do it again, but maybe not so sad next time

And at the risk of hijacking my own thread... Guys, you have got to check out Gerry's YouTube - "Would You Like To Play The Guitar" (sung to the to the tune of "Would You Like to Swing on a Star"). Utterly hilarious!
__________________
Dave Pierce

Taylor 555 '82
Martin DM '97
Yamaha EZ-AG
Washburn Rover /w Fishman Matrix Infinity UST
Shen SB-100 (double bass) 2010
Reply With Quote
Reply

  The Acoustic Guitar Forum > General Acoustic Guitar and Amplification Discussion > Show and Tell

Thread Tools





All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:13 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, The Acoustic Guitar Forum
vB Ad Management by =RedTyger=