Why I Generally Don't Enjoy Playing In Front Of Others? What About You?

[Jaxon]

too many nites in a roadhouse

[llew]

When I was a kid (in my late teen and early 20's) I'd sit in with guys who had gigs in bars/restaurants here where we live. Wasn't getting paid (they were) but basically got fed and some beers. I always enjoyed it but not enough to strike out on my own. Time goes by...around 2009 the church we belong to stated a blended contemporary service on Thursday evenings at 6:00. I got volunteered by my wife and her best friend. And the music director was not to be told no. So reluctantly I went. Hadn't played in front of people in many, many years. Scared and rusty from a playing/singing standpoint. But I went...and now they can't get rid of me! Play most Thursdays and some Sunday mornings. I really enjoy it and have lost most of the fear associated with playing in front of people.
I gather with others to play at gatherings and circle jams. And do a fair number of weddings, funerals, and memorial services. At the ripe old age of 67 I'm better than I've ever been mostly due to playing each week and being stretched to learn new music all the time.
That being said I'll play for myself (or with my wife) most everyday...it's just a part of me?

[TBman]

Originally Posted by Puddleglum

When one starts playing guitar, there seems to be an innate belief that the whole point of playing is to eventually entertain others. I held this belief for a number of years before I realized that playing guitar can be like reading. A person reads alone and some people prefer to play guitar alone in the privacy of home.

This is me 100%

If you tell people you like to read, no one asks if you are any good,

But,

If I played for others I'd probably be a lot better at it. That's gotta be like recording, but no do overs.

[Dan Winheld]

Originally Posted by Puddleglum

When one starts playing guitar, there seems to be an innate belief that the whole point of playing is to eventually entertain others. I held this belief for a number of years before I realized that playing guitar can be like reading. A person reads alone and some people prefer to play guitar alone in the privacy of home.

I've heard of people who actually see no point in playing if there's no gig. I cannot relate to this.

One of the great things about getting older is that one starts to figure out life along the way. Something I noticed about playing guitar in front of others was this: I'd get out my guitar and someone would ask to hear a certain song. If by chance I knew the song and began to play it, I'd notice that in most cases, the person would seem to immediately lose interest, and often call out another song. When the intro bits were done to the next song, same thing: a loss of interest.

Most of all, though, I noticed that if I didn't know the song the person wanted to hear, I got the idea that I was being viewed as a lesser musician. All of this combined served to take away the joy of playing for others. Yes, there have been good experiences as well, but for the most part I just enjoy playing at home alone. I would love to find someone to jam with, but musical compatibility is a whole other challenge.

Has anyone else experienced any of this?

Wow, a lot to unpack here, but I totally relate- most of my playing now (77 years not young, retired) is like reading books for my own enjoyment/amusement, edification, whatever; but sometimes I do get proper respect and attention from the occasional living room guest. Sometimes I enjoy playing for others, but many times I don’t anymore.

My greatest enjoyment, however, is playing duets with my long time music partner and former best student. Once in a while we crawl out from under our rock and give a performance. Keeps us honest and on our toes.

[mr. beaumont]

Originally Posted by Charlie Bernstein

Thanks. I love that. It pretty much covers the waterfront, doesn't it? Practicing, gigging, jamming.

It sure does...and it also leaves room for saying "No." which is ok, too.

[Gobo]

A candle's light is handsome when it throws its beams from under a bushel.

[Silly Moustache]

Originally Posted by Puddleglum

When one starts playing guitar, there seems to be an innate belief that the whole point of playing is to eventually entertain others. I held this belief for a number of years before I realized that playing guitar can be like reading. A person reads alone and some people prefer to play guitar alone in the privacy of home.

I've heard of people who actually see no point in playing if there's no gig. I cannot relate to this.

One of the great things about getting older is that one starts to figure out life along the way. Something I noticed about playing guitar in front of others was this: I'd get out my guitar and someone would ask to hear a certain song. If by chance I knew the song and began to play it, I'd notice that in most cases, the person would seem to immediately lose interest, and often call out another song. When the intro bits were done to the next song, same thing: a loss of interest.

Most of all, though, I noticed that if I didn't know the song the person wanted to hear, I got the idea that I was being viewed as a lesser musician. All of this combined served to take away the joy of playing for others. Yes, there have been good experiences as well, but for the most part I just enjoy playing at home alone. I would love to find someone to jam with, but musical compatibility is a whole other challenge.

Has anyone else experienced any of this?

I started playing music in public when I was in my teens - as a drummer.
I gave up the drums in about 1970, when I moved into a first floor flat in London (if you weren't holing it it went!) and because the big black boxes either sde of me were getting too loud.

I saw Tom Rush in '68(?) and decided that I would be a singer-guitarist.

I loved being on stage. I still do but the options are reduced.

Cancer in 2017/8 then covid 20/21. and few clubs remain.
I used to get together with Mando Bob every Wednesday, but he "don' come aroun' no mo'"

And singing and playing guitar has been reduced to running my humble club twice a month, and recording videos for YouTube.

I just don't play as much as I used to - sometimes I don't touch a guitar for 3-4 days, and of course your fingers get soft and weaker.

I decided to give up my gym sessions in early January as I'm stated as "extremely vulnerable" health wise due to the cancer treatment, and I'm getting soft in the body and seemingly soft in the head.

Well, maybe in March I'll start preparing the allotments for the spring planting, and get back to the gym in April.

However, they told me I had cataracts on Sunday - so -no idea what that will do to me spring and summer!?

[Mark Stone]

I like composing my own stuff and playing it for others, but my greatest source of satisfaction these days is playing in a band. I loooooove the sense of belonging and teamwork, and the interplay between us as we perform the music. My current group has been together for 2-1/2 years, so we’re getting pretty good at “melding”, but my last group lasted over a decade. We got to know each other so well. Nevertheless, I still play solo once or twice a week, and that is enjoyable too.

[67goat]

Originally Posted by TBman

If you tell people you like to read, no one asks if you are any good,

Reading is like math, people that can't read well tend not to like reading.

[Dan Winheld]

“One thing I learned the hard way is that few people can play guitar, even fewer have the guts to get up on stage and play but everyone you play for is a critic. No one was more critical of me than myself so I soon developed the attitude that if you can do better than me then get up here and show me otherwise your opinion of my playing means nothing to me.“

I LOVE this! Never, ever considered it that way; I always let people judge me no matter how unworthy. Thank you for this, never again.

[MJ Slaughter]

Originally Posted by Puddleglum

Most of all, though, I noticed that if I didn't know the song the person wanted to hear, I got the idea that I was being viewed as a lesser musician.

I've been performing since I was 16 or 17, I'm 65 now, but didn't start getting more serious about it, actual making money, until I got laid off in 2021. Of course I like playing for myself, but also my wife, friends, strangers and anyone who will pay me. Interacting with the audience, receiving their admiration or dealing with the indifference is all kind of fun. It's like a challenge finding the right buttons to push (songs or witty banter) that turn an audience around to your side. Receiving tips too. Money is always nice but when people tip you they're letting you know they appreciate what you're doing.

Nothing wrong with playing for yourself but if someone wants to perform in public I sure wouldn't let a song request bother you. All you have to do is channel your best John Belushi.

[thefsb]

I don't suppose the opportunity will arise so it doesn't much matter.

[TBman]

Originally Posted by Dan Winheld

“One thing I learned the hard way is that few people can play guitar, even fewer have the guts to get up on stage and play but everyone you play for is a critic. No one was more critical of me than myself so I soon developed the attitude that if you can do better than me then get up here and show me otherwise your opinion of my playing means nothing to me.“

I LOVE this! Never, ever considered it that way; I always let people judge me no matter how unworthy. Thank you for this, never again.

That's where I have to disagree. Even though the muggles (non-players) don't have the skills to play, they do have ears and many, many people appreciate fine music and the arts without having any of the skills to do the same. I think as players we're probably more forgiving listeners as we know what it takes to play something musically (or at least try to )

I give credit where it is due, but if you suck, you suck. (Practice fixes that).

[J Patrick]

I’ve played in front of people from the start in 1967….. I’ve played in many different scenarios with bands, trios, duos and solo. That said, playing alone by myself, with no one listening but the dogs, cats, birds and occasional barnyard animals has comprised more than 90 percent of my playing time. And it’s always been my favorite setting for playing. The freedom to play whatever I want to play, whenever and wherever I choose to play it, is precious to me.

Performing can be exhilarating, exciting and occasionally profitable, but it can also be a real drag….an actual job sometimes. Nothing wrong with that but sometimes the joy and pleasure are diminished. I guess there are players who are always thrilled with performing live but I’ve never known any of them personally. Most of my musical associates also have mixed experiences and feelings about performing.

Perhaps the best part of playing alone is that as soon as you’re not feeling it you can just stop and go do something else……and when you feel like playing for hours you can do that. Once you book a gig you give those options up.

[Bluenose]

My guitar playing is a very personal thing but I will gladly play for anyone that says they want to hear and see me play.

Unlike some folks I wasn't born with a talent for it and it took me well over 20 years just to become half ways proficient. I'm a late bloomer for sure but like golf and sex you don't have to be good at it to enjoy it. I've always and still do try to improve because I crave that sense of accomplishment that you get when you actually move that mountain.