How do you cope with people not caring about your music?

[BluesKing777]

A bit of showmanship maybe needed - set your guitar on fire, that will show them

Then smash it up!

Otherwise, back in your seat.


BluesKing777.

[CityPickn]

Originally Posted by jacot23

Hopefully it isn't your spouse. My wife has absolutely zero interest in anything that I play regardless of genre or instrument; that kinda hurts. And yes I can play several songs on banjo and a couple on guitar.

I learned the ballad of Jed Clampett on a banjo I borrowed from the library to show my dad because it's his favorite show. I've never watched it with him and it's now my favorite show. I even have all the dvd sets. 15 seconds or so into playing he said "QUIET!!! I'm trying to hear this.". He was referring to a tv commercial.

[CopyCat]

I learned long ago to separate my music life from my personal life after feeling similar disappointments.

Eventually I realized someone could love me but not necessarily my music, and it wasn’t personal.

I also found I made many new connections by playing. There will be people out there who like what you do.

[jacot23]

Originally Posted by CityPickn

I learned the ballad of Jed Clampett on a banjo I borrowed from the library to show my dad because it's his favorite show. I've never watched it with him and it's now my favorite show. I even have all the dvd sets. 15 seconds or so into playing he said "QUIET!!! I'm trying to hear this.". He was referring to a tv commercial.

Sounds like my wife and actually daughter too; sucks.

I'm gonna keep on keepin on though; you should too.

[Terry_D]

I feel ya because I had the exact same thing happen to me a week ago. For years I never played for family and last week I took one along to a family get together. I was nervous but finally got it out of it's case and started playing. Not a single comment was made. My two brothers acted like I wasn't even in the room. In the middle of a song my Dad asks me to get him something. Last summer however my sister in law asked me to play and her and her husband were really impressed. At least they acted like it and even if they were faking it I appreciate the consideration of acknowledging I was playing songs for them.

[gmel555]

Originally Posted by CityPickn

I was proud of it.....

Focus on the above. Criticism and/or indifference is a big part of the reality of playing music. Imagine how recording artists feel when songs or whole albums they spent forever on in the studio and thinking they were a sure thing, yet only to "flop". Take some solace in that it happens to all, even the biggest stars. Take learnings from that creative and technical process with regards to writing, arranging, playing, choosing your audience, timing the "debut", etc. Maybe see what you might change about the song to get a better response, OR keep it just the way it is if it makes you happy; all of that stuff can lead to even better things!

[Jobe]

Originally Posted by CityPickn

I'm upset so take this with a grain of salt.

I spent a long while learning and crafting a song. Time to memorize it, internalize the rhythm, clear and concise notes. Show it to people who actually know that I put a lot of time into this.

"Oh you should hear Charlie play crazy train...". What? "Your brother Billy had pizza for dinner tonight". They are changing the topic on purpose as if I'm not even aware.

I spent since Sept-friggin-tember on a song and I feel it shows all my lessons paying. Why do I torture myself even showing people? I was proud of it and now I question it.

Right here... You can see why I will never be in a band or gig musician. I can't take people being a jerk to my face. The one person who did it... I've overhead many times before stairway to heaven solo is what they think the apex of guitar. Guess what solo is on the menu? What a sick thrill to pull that out of the bag and ruin it for you. Hardest solo ever?

I would say know your audience and circumstance as you will be less disappointed later. My experience comes from campfires with a bunch of people around. Sometimes nobody was really paying attention so I just backed out. But sometimes in the right situation the little audience was quiet and listening. That always feels good if they enjoyed it. Spots.

[H165]

Back in college I had the most amazing girlfriend ever. The details are so good I wouldn't dare post them here.

However, she just didn't have any interest in music. The only one among all my friends who did not like it when I (or anyone) sang or played.

If opportunity and the capricious whims of luck and fortune hadn't interfered, we might have been married. In hindsight, I doubt it would have lasted. Music has been part of my life since before I was born, and will remain so until my last day on the planet.

[Mandobart]

Do you go to baseball games with people who don't like baseball? Would you visit an art museum with people who don't enjoy art? Would you take a vegan to a steakhouse?

I enjoy a lot of different activities, but I try to match the activity and the crowd. Some of my friends don't really care about music, but we still enjoy skiing, or cycling.

Just because someone likes Stairway and doesn't rave over your (or my) composition it doesn't make them a terrible person (as it appears the OP is portraying them).

Maybe you need to find different people to share your music with. We have songwriters circles, jam nights, open mics, etc. in my little slice of flyover country. I'll bet there's something going on in your neck of the woods too.

I know some people who are awfully proud of their original tunes. Not all of them are that good (in my opinion). I'll listen attentively through one or two but I'm not going to be a captive audience to boost their ego. Again in my opinion, its no more rude for me to suggest "let's hear something else" than it is for them to expect me to sit enthralled by their songs.

[JMW01]

Originally Posted by varmonter

When I was in college. At a dorm party. Like 12 people in a dorm drinking and smoking. This guy takes this kitten by the tail swings it around and bounces it off the wall..and laughs..Im like mortified that someone could think it’s alright to do this to a cat. Some people just don’t get music..in the same ignorant way as this cat flinger didn’t get it...I’m sorry this happened to you.. but it’s not personal..try to not let it bother you.. The good times playing music outweigh the bad...by a long way ..keep doin it.

Words of wisdom! This might be my new paraphrased signature quote:

“Don’t be a cat flinger!”
- Varmonter

[Tempotantrum]

I am pretty sure most of us guitar obsessed forumites have family and friends who just do not understand the how important music and making music is to most of us. I am okay with that - I can relate to them in other ways. I think part of your solution might be to find some other musicians in your area or music camps, meet-ups, etc. where you can share and learn with and from others who share your passion. Not to impress them (they may be impressed- that would be icing on the cake) but to be around others who "get" your passion for the music you are learning and playing. On another note- I record and try to objectively listen to myself and my playing. I 100% know there are some things I do well enough to share with others, and other things I keep working on in the woodshed. We all need to have some honest assessment of what we do objectively well and things we don't do so well. If you are singing for example, make sure you know and respect your vocal range. Hang in there- we are rooting for ya.

[CityPickn]

Originally Posted by Tempotantrum

I am pretty sure most of us guitar obsessed forumites have family and friends who just do not understand the how important music and making music is to most of us. I am okay with that - I can relate to them in other ways. I think part of your solution might be to find some other musicians in your area or music camps, meet-ups, etc. where you can share and learn with and from others who share your passion. Not to impress them (they may be impressed- that would be icing on the cake) but to be around others who "get" your passion for the music you are learning and playing. On another note- I record and try to objectively listen to myself and my playing. I 100% know there are some things I do well enough to share with others, and other things I keep working on in the woodshed. We all need to have some honest assessment of what we do objectively well and things we don't do so well. If you are singing for example, make sure you know and respect your vocal range. Hang in there- we are rooting for ya.

Unfortunately it was just a one minute instrumental fiddle tune. I've decided not to share anymore. At least not in that way. As for playing, I think getting a BOSS GT 1000 is the answer. More tones. More fun.

[tonyo]

Originally Posted by CopyCat

...
I also found I made many new connections by playing. There will be people out there who like what you do.

When I first learned to play I had quite a shock to myself the first time someone ignored my performance.

Had a good discussion with a professional musician who explained that his expectation when he performs at a restaurant is that he's effectively wallpaper.

People come to the restaurant first for the company and second for the food, possibly that order is reversed in some cases. And third they come for the ambience (including the music). Hence his comment about wallpaper.

Noticed another friend who plays restaurant gigs is that his expectation is he's there to be noticed. He turns the volume up to where others leave the restaurant and then complains about not getting gigs or respect.

So I guess it comes down to the expectations we set for ourselves.

We are traveling around the country in our RV and at various campgrounds I sit and play the guitar and sing. My expectation is that I'm wallpaper. My hope is that I'll be noticed and people will either compliment or join in.

Mostly I play on my own. And some times people are kind and compliment. And then there are those magic times where a great sing along or jam happens and that's the connection talked about above. Those times are indeed magic and it's an organic thing that either happens or doesn't.

My advice is to set your expectations accordingly. One of the songs I learned took me 8 months of dedicated effort (Guy Clarke's The Cape done very similar to the original). I add that so you can see I've put huge effort into some of my repertoire.

[Brent Hahn]

If you want to make music that resonates with you, do that. If you want it to resonate with other people, figure that out. It's a lot harder. And part of that is figuring out which people you want to touch. It won't be everyone.

[raysachs]

I play music for my own enjoyment, fulfillment, to keep me planted in the moment, for the endorphins, etc, etc, etc. When I used to play for people a lot (in my youth - decades ago), I was mostly playing electric blues and blues rock stuff with other musicians. It was fairly easy to play,to enjoy, and to keep a room full of people dancing. It was fun for everyone, it was no great accomplishment, and I didn’t give them deep musical substance to still be chewing on the next day. If I enjoyed it in the moment, and if anyone else enjoyed it the moment, that was great, fantastic, wonderful. In the moment.

These days I play for myself, I sometimes play kid’s songs for my baby granddaughter, and occasionally if friends or family are around when I’m playing, they’ll hear me as a few minutes of background music. My wife hears much more of my playing than she probably wishes she did, but she’s very loving and understanding about it, knowing how much enjoyment I get out of it.

I would no more expect any of them to recognize, much less care about, some section of a song or guitar solo that I felt like I really nailed, than I would get excited about their golf games or or the finer points of their bridge games, or if they got a nice raise at work. If someone very occasionally says “that sounded nice”, I’ll take the compliment as the good manners and friendly encouragement it was probably meant as. No more, no less. If my wife occasionally mentions the great flow she got into on that day’s NYT crossword, I’ll say something nice about it and will mean it, but I won’t remember the great day of puzzle solving she had by the next day. And she won’t give a second thought tomorrow to the song she heard today, even if she liked it!

My playing really doesn’t matter to anyone else. Why would it? Everyone has their own thing(s) that hopefully puts them in the moment, gets them out of their heads, etc. I’m glad they do and hope they really enjoy them, as I enjoy playing music. I’ll offer them friendly encouragement too, but the finer details are for THEM to enjoy. I rarely if ever care about the finer details of their activities and would never expect them to care about the finer details of what I do for enjoyment. I’m kind of surprised that the OP or anyone else would expect such attention to the details of their music from other folks. I hope THEY take great satisfaction and enjoyment from it, but looking for public acclaim if you’re a hobbyist, not an accomplished professional, is more than a little unrealistic IMHO. And even for accomplished professionals, the vast majority of listeners are in it for the momentary entertainment, not the great artistic achievement it might be on some level.

As the great Bobby McFerrin once sang, “don’t worry, be happy”! If YOU enjoyed something you play today, or played last week, THAT’S the victory! Take it, take your own private little victory lap, revel in it in the moment or maybe even revel in the memory of it a day later. But, good lord, don’t expect anyone else to get the same satisfaction you got from it!

-Ray