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  #46  
Old 02-15-2020, 03:39 PM
island texan island texan is offline
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On this forum, I am an acoustic guitar player, and until now that’s as far as my self-disclosure (other than my moniker) has gone. So today, after stumbling onto this thread, I find in necessary to disclose a bit more about myself. I am also a psychiatrist. I certainly do not have all the answers, and any psychiatrist or other mental health profession who claims to should be avoided at all costs.

My decision to choose psychiatry over other more sexy specialties after medical school was tough. As someone else pointed out, whether its cancer, diabetes, cardiac disease or even irritable bowel syndrome, nothing holds the stigma that does mental illness, and thus choosing to treat people embarrassed to seek help or even denying that the brain is an organ that can be diseased is a challenge not all physicians are cut out to tackle.

For those of you unaware of this, mood disorders are likely the most common medical disorder, surpassing hypertension, diabetes and the like. I suppose among the older crowd maybe hyperlipidemia surpasses it in terms of medications prescribed, but to be clear – mood disorders are a medical disorder, not a character flaw. Indeed we all can experience situational episodes of a depressed mood: you wreck your car (or your marriage), you lose your job, struggle with addiction, etc. The brain responds to stress and situational disappointments with what we call dysphoria or depression. But for those who have the curse of a mood that is unstable, moving up or down without clear reason that, my friends is a medical disorder. And like any medical disorder it needs to be addressed with a blend of lifestyle adjustments and medicine. And that means a good fit with both prescriptions and psychotherapists. Neither of those are accomplished without trial and error.

It’s obvious that several who have posted here struggle with a mood disorder (usually grouped into bipolar and unipolar disorders – and there are even subgroups of those). There are also posts here about folks who have seen a psychiatrist who should either retire or pick a different specialty. Teaching residents in psychiatry to be effective involves learning the neurology of the brain, the pharmacology of medication management and the ability to listen with both empathy and objectivity while respecting the fact that the psychiatrist’s own values have no place in the treatment plan. That blend of skills is not something every medical school graduate possesses.

Mood disorders can severely impact creativity in both directions. Over the ages some of the most famous of artists and musicians did their best work while manic. Sadly a fair number of them died prematurely of their own hand. Today we have the ability to attenuate those suicidal ideations as well as those feelings of grandiosity and expansive creativity that are paradoxically destructive. Sadly treatment often overshoots the mark at first; creativity and even objectivity are the emotional victims. To lose that spark and then feel all is lost is not uncommon. You read it here in several posts. And that is why both the patient and his/her psychiatrist must persevere with patience and even a sense of humor, knowing around the next corner things can get better. The worst part of my job is confronting the fact I can’t get every one of those souls to hang on for the next sunrise.

Music is part of my avenue to both contentment and the ambition to be better. Many of my patients also use music or graphic arts or even dance to augment the other therapies involved. We on this forum are a limited slice of the people who have some smidgen of creative energy channeled into music. We need to support each other, and threads like this offer a great opportunity to do, as many of you have demonstrated with your support of each other. Keep it up!
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  #47  
Old 02-15-2020, 03:43 PM
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Originally Posted by J-Doug View Post
Hi foxo, OP here. When I first starting taking meds it was like someone took a belt sander to my personality and sanded off all of the interesting peaks and valleys. You may be experiencing this and it may be having an impact on your music. Don't worry you'll bounce back. Just give it some time. In the meantime, just keep making music for YOU. All the other stuff is meaningless. Fame, large or small, is a trap.
I experienced severe mood swings when I first started taking antidepressants, but after 20 years I'm the poster boy for antidepressant medication. Following Doug's metaphor, they sanded off emotional stuff; but it turned out to be stuff I neither needed nor wanted like fear, lack of assertiveness, negative self talk, and perseverative thoughts to name just a few. Medication may not be the answer for everyone, but the right combination/dosage has worked really well for me...
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  #48  
Old 02-15-2020, 07:45 PM
MrDB MrDB is offline
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Reading these stories made me want to weigh in. I don't have a mental illness. I am an amputee. I have been in rehabilitation with fellow amputees who are ashamed of their condition, so I understand those feelings.

I don't hide my condition. I proudly walk around in shorts with my prosthetic leg. Why? To prove to the world that all of us can overcome any setback that life sends at us.

And I have faith in all of you fellow AGFers with your struggles. Never give up. Don't let anybody put you down. Be proud of who you are and what you've overcome. You are all amazing.
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  #49  
Old 02-15-2020, 07:55 PM
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...I don't hide my condition. I proudly walk around in shorts with my prosthetic leg. Why? To prove to the world that all of us can overcome any setback that life sends at us.

And I have faith in all of you fellow AGFers with your struggles. Never give up. Don't let anybody put you down. Be proud of who you are and what you've overcome. You are all amazing.
And clearly so are you....
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  #50  
Old 02-15-2020, 11:17 PM
tdq tdq is offline
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Just my thoughts - while my conditions is way less "serious" than other posters, it still affects me from time to time. I have - and I only recently figured this out - "Depersonalization-derealization disorder", where you feel detached from reality . This took hold in my late teens-early twenties - I'm pretty sure it was triggered from over indulging in certain substances...It lasted for several years and was quite debilitating but gradually grew less severe over time. It still rises occasionally but I usually manage to "forget" it's there.
One thing that really helped was finding out that others had the same issues and I wasn't going crazy. It really was the beginning of the healing process for me. So, sharing is good, and thank you everyone for being open.
As for how it effects my guitar playing - I don't know but I can get lost in playing (my wife says I get a guitar face where I disappear) and ironically it can help when playing in front of others, where they recede from reality a bit and I'm just in my own in my head - although it's not quite extreme as that sounds!!
I don't know what I'd do without guitar. Probably be playing banjo.
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  #51  
Old 02-16-2020, 12:29 AM
rjathon rjathon is offline
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Thank you Island Texan for your thoughtful and professional response for JDoug.

JDoug, you need to find a doc like Island Texan who is compassionate and can treat your problem. Psychiatry has come a long way and in addition to advances in medications there are treatments like Neurofield, LENS, etc that can be of great help. Changes in nutrition can also be helpful. Because of over fertilizing and wearing out soil lots of our food today lacks the nutrients that they had in the past.

Instead of shame, embrace it. Most of history’s great leaders were either bipolar or had hypomania. When “up” it is like a super power.

I suffer from Intracranial Hypertension and it has been devastating. I took up guitar as a form of rehab. While it has helped me to cope immensely it has been hard on those around me. My musician wife says that she has never seen someone work so hard for so little gain. I have actually gained a lot, just not musically. It is hard to focus long enough to play a song straight through from beginning to end and it is never void of mistakes. Some days are better than others but none are good.

Since you are on these forums hopefully guitar helps you too. I hope that our responses raise your spirits and let you know that rather than feeling shame you should be encouraged by our acceptance and appreciation of your challenges. Life isn’t about our trials but about how we deal with them.

Russ
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  #52  
Old 02-16-2020, 01:16 AM
Jaden Jaden is offline
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Originally Posted by Silly Moustache View Post
Afterthought.

Bullies, over managing, controlling, demeaning, threatening people are ALL concealing their own insecurity, and inadequacy.
I’m with you on this. Although mental illness can be a very serious issue - I was friends with another person I didn’t mention previously who committed suicide - I’ve met numerous very thick skinned, brutally insensitive individuals supposedly completely untouched by mental illness - we need to take a long, hard look at societal ‘norms’ and re-examine this issue outside of chronic conditions, and focus on a paradigm shift toward a more sensitive “norm”, because sensitivity in itself is in danger of becoming not acceptable in our increasingly competitive society, in my opinion.
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  #53  
Old 02-16-2020, 11:06 AM
foxo foxo is offline
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Originally Posted by J-Doug View Post
Hi foxo, OP here. When I first starting taking meds it was like someone took a belt sander to my personality and sanded off all of the interesting peaks and valleys. You may be experiencing this and it may be having an impact on your music. Don't worry you'll bounce back. Just give it some time. In the meantime, just keep making music for YOU. All the other stuff is meaningless. Fame, large or small, is a trap.
Thanks very much J-Doug, I appreciate your kind words.
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  #54  
Old 02-16-2020, 11:08 AM
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Thanks for the support guys. I've been trying EMDR for anxiety relief lately. My son is very ill and the stress of helping him through this has been unbearable. The EMDR helps for the anxiety but also for my general outlook.
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  #55  
Old 02-16-2020, 11:09 AM
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Thanks very much J-Doug, I appreciate your kind words.
No problem foxo. That's what I'm here for.
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  #56  
Old 02-16-2020, 03:02 PM
Nyghthawk Nyghthawk is offline
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J-Doug, my wife is Bipolar II and has been on her meds religiously since we met 26 years ago. I am a retired social worker that spent the last 14 years of my career in the mental health field.

You are in a good place if you can come forward with this. Many people have limited understanding and lots of misconceptions about mental health, much less mental illness.

Blessed be.
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