Added To An Old Ditty...

[DaveKell]

I remembered the first verse of this from my dad always singing it when I was a child in 1958. I thought it was something he made up. After the first time I performed this, an old guy said he thought he'd heard it before. I thought that couldn't be right because I had just written it the day before! Sure enough, when I googled the first line I learned the first verse is an old ditty that's been around forever, but just the first verse. I don't know if I'll rewrite a different verse there or just hope that one is in public domain now. Anyway, I added to it substantially and made it a fun, if somewhat nauseating, very bouncy song to play at my weekly jam.

Grandma's in the cellar
Oh my God can't ya smell her
Cookin' pancakes on an old rusty stove
And the matter in her eyes
Keeps drippin' in the batter and
The snot keeps runnin' down her nose

Grampa's in the kitchen
He just got back from fishin'
Now there's fish guts all over the floor
Lickin' worm goo off his fingers
The smell of 'em lingers as he slips
And bangs his head on the door

Grandma comes a runnin'
Grampa's up and cussin'
She plants a big wet one on his cheek
Their odors are outrageous but
Their motors git to runnin'
They go skinny dippin' in the creek

They get spotted that day
The guy couldn't look away
His first thought was to call the law
Cop says what did you see
He says believe me
It'll only serve to make your skin crawl

They was splishin' and a splashin'
Skinny old butts flashin'
Then they stood & hugged for all to see
They was all over each other
Believe me brother
It's a bonafide case of public indecency

The cop gave him a ticket
There was laughter from a thicket
He says officer I just don't understand
Cop said I'll explain it to you
This I have to do
You're trespassing on my grandparents land