Best Guitarist or Musician Jokes

[DaBoz]

How do you get a guitarist to stop playing??
Hand him some sheet music! 🤪🤪

[Ed-in-Ohio]

Q: How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, and he doesn't even need to move. He just holds the light bulb, and waits for the world to revolve around him.

[FlyWilde]

C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "sorry, but we don't
serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between
them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes
in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me.
I'll just be a second." Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced
that this relative of C is not a minor.
Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says,
"Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined
shoes. The bartender says, "you're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this
could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit
and everything else, and is au natural.

Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. C is
brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor,
and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional
facility.

[taylorgtr]

OK, here's one that I wrote (Hopefully nobody else has come up with the same idea - if they did, I'll give them credit).


Did you know that Leo Fender and Les Paul were, despite being business competitors, were also lifelong friends?
So much so, that even though they died 14 years apart, they had the same pallbearers at each of their funerals.

At Les' funeral, they were all complaining. Why?



.....Because a Les Paul is just too darn heavy.

[Charmed Life Picks]

Originally Posted by janepaints

Q. how can you tell when two violinists are out of tune with each other?
A. when they're playing the same melody

Q: what do you call a lead singer who broke up with his girlfriend?
A: homeless

Q: What are the two must-have requirements for a bass guitarist to get hired by a top-notch band?
A: ownership of a van and a PA system

Q. What do you call a trombonist who buys a datebook?
A. an optimist

Q. what's the difference between a road-kill possum and an oboe player?
A. the possum was on his way to a gig

Q. what do you call a musician who sings poorly, has few guitar skills and can't write songs?
A. singer-songwriter

There's not much difference between playing the banjo and not being able to play banjo at all.

I really wowed them at the gig last night. Five people came up to request the same song, but what a bummer--I didn't know it! Have any of you guys heard a song called 'Further Away From Me'?

Q. What's the difference between a bar band and beer salesmen?
A. Nothing

Blues-rock songs are characterized by amazing guitar solos, each one being several times longer than the song itself.

An electric guitar player was trying out his new distortion pedal. From the next room his wife hollered "honey, i'm SO glad you're finally using that electric razor i gave you for christmas."

Mandolinists spend 50% of their time tuning and 50% of their time playing out of tune.

Bank robber wearing a long fake beard walks up to the teller and says "gimme all yer money!". The teller says "And all my hugs and kisses too?"

These are all great. Thanks.

scott

[Charmed Life Picks]

These are good! Keep 'em comin'!

sm

[Beakybird]

I just did a gig at the fertility clinic. I got a standing ovulation.

[Beakybird]

My wife used to play the banjo. Now she just picks on me.

Grandma and grandpa were musicians on a steamboat. When the boat sank, grandpa floated to shore clinging to his acoustic bass while grandma accompanied him on the piano.

[Tico]

Originally Posted by taylorgtr

OK, here's one that I wrote (Hopefully nobody else has come up with the same idea - if they did, I'll give them credit).


Did you know that Leo Fender and Les Paul were, despite being business competitors, were also lifelong friends?
So much so, that even though they died 14 years apart, they had the same pallbearers at each of their funerals.

At Les' funeral, they were all complaining. Why?



.....Because a Les Paul is just too darn heavy.

But that makes me wonder ... did Leo Fender's pallbearers hum as they walked?

[Charmed Life Picks]

Tico -- good one! Bingo!

[Mystery123]

I would do anything for you...

[Jim in TC]

A double bass and a viola are sitting at the bar when a piccolo walks in. Bass says to viola, "oh,oh, here comes treble."

[DesertTwang]

Originally Posted by billyfamilyvide

Have a guitarist at your house that won't leave?


Pay for the pie.

I don't get this one.

[DesertTwang]

Originally Posted by Mystery123

I would do anything for you...

That's not a joke. That's reality.

[mr. beaumont]

Originally Posted by DesertTwang

I don't get this one.

Pie--slang for pizza.