Playing another funeral...

[slewis]

Lost my brother-in-law just a few weeks back to pancreatic cancer, after a hard-fought (and victorious, we thought) fight with it. It resurrected pretty suddenly and took him pretty quickly. I was pretty close to him, and he was a really great guy. My niece asked me to play at his memorial next month -- playing/singing George Strait's "I Saw God Today," which was apparently his favorite song. I can't imagine a more tear-jerking selection. I've played at a few memorials before, including one for a good friend's young son, but this one's gonna be especially tough... I guess I just have to focus on the song and not think of him while I'm playing it.

[RedJoker]

I'm sorry for your loss but it's a big honor to be asked to play his favorite song. Having said that, I can't imagine playing at a memorial for someone I was close too. That's got to be so incredibly hard.

[slewis]

Originally Posted by RedJoker

I'm sorry for your loss but it's a big honor to be asked to play his favorite song. Having said that, I can't imagine playing at a memorial for someone I was close too. That's got to be so incredibly hard.

Thank you -- and yes, it's definitely an honor; I'm doing it for him and to honor him. I just have to focus, perform it well and get through it!

[buddyhu]

Originally Posted by RedJoker

I'm sorry for your loss but it's a big honor to be asked to play his favorite song. Having said that, I can't imagine playing at a memorial for someone I was close too. That's got to be so incredibly hard.

I agree.

I was asked to play, “I Shall Be Released at a memorial service for a long time, good friend about a month ago. Started choking up while introducing the song and explaining how I came to know that it was one of his favorites. I am very glad I did it, and people really appreciated it. But it was not an easy endeavor.

I know you will get through it somehow, and that however it plays out will be meaningful for everyone who is there.

[slewis]

Originally Posted by buddyhu

I agree. I was asked to play, “I Shall Be Released at a memorial service for a long time, good friend about a month ago. Started choking up while introducing the song and explaining how I came to know that it was one of his favorites. I am very glad I did it, and people really appreciated it. But it was not an easy endeavor. I know you will get through it somehow, and that however it plays out will be meaningful for everyone who is there.

Thanks very much, Rich! Great points. And kudos to you as well...

[Glennwillow]

I am sorry to read about your loss, Sean. It's going to be very difficult to sing that song at his memorial service.

When I have had to sing difficult songs at funerals, I have had to practice ahead of time a great deal, imagining I am there and practicing controlling my emotions. From your comments, I am guessing you, too, have gone through this kind of practice. My son and I sang "Amazing Grace" for my mother-in-law's funeral, and we did okay and held things together because of the practice. It may seem odd, but I was actually very close to my mother-in-law. I felt very badly about her death.

It's very draining to have to do this kind of thing. I wish you the best, Sean.

- Glenn

[slewis]

Originally Posted by Glennwillow

I am sorry to read about your loss, Sean. It's going to be very difficult to sing that song at his memorial service. When I have had to sing difficult songs at funerals, I have had to practice ahead of time a great deal, imagining I am there and practicing controlling my emotions. From your comments, I am guessing you, too, have gone through this kind of practice. My son and I sang "Amazing Grace" for my mother-in-law's funeral, and we did okay and held things together because of the practice. It may seem odd, but I was actually very close to my mother-in-law. I felt very badly about her death. It's very draining to have to do this kind of thing. I wish you the best, Sean.
- Glenn

Thanks very much, Glenn -- good to hear from you. Yes, that's pretty much the track I'm on, and practicing as much as possible. I have almost a month for this and so far it's going well. Yes, envisioning being in the setting as I'm practicing, and focusing on delivering the song, I think, is key. Despite the title of the song and the context in which it's being played, it's actually a pretty positive and uplifting song, so I'm trying to focus on that too....
Thanks again.

[rmp]

I'm sorry for your loss. I've lost two brother in-laws to cancer, both at young ages. (36 and 45).

I've done these kind of tributes myself, it's not easy. But it will never be forgotten by those who are there.

[slewis]

Originally Posted by rmp

I'm sorry for your loss. I've lost two brother in-laws to cancer, both at young ages. (36 and 45). I've done these kind of tributes myself, it's not easy. But it will never be forgotten by those who are there.

Agree! Thank you.

[Wade Hampton]

This is tough. You’re taking the right approach: get the song down cold so you won’t get derailed easily during the performance. While you’re singing it don’t distract yourself with fond memories of the departed, because that can bring on cascades of tears. So save that for when you’re done with your singing.

Hope this helps.


Wade Hampton Miller

[archerscreek]

I went through something like this a few years ago where I knew someone I was very close to was dying and knew I was going to be asked to play a song at the funeral. Every day then I played and practiced the song, and I always teared up and sometimes I couldn’t even get through it without stopping and collecting myself. But after awhile, I think I became so emotionally drained by it all, that the attachment of the song to the person went away and it became just another song I enjoyed playing.

[slewis]

Originally Posted by archerscreek

I went through something like this a few years ago where I knew someone I was very close to was dying and knew I was going to be asked to play a song at the funeral. Every day then I played and practiced the song, and I always teared up and sometimes I couldn’t even get through it without stopping and collecting myself. But after awhile, I think I became so emotionally drained by it all, that the attachment of the song to the person went away and it became just another song I enjoyed playing.

Yes, yet another point for being prepared, for sure! Thanks.

[slewis]

Originally Posted by Wade Hampton

This is tough. You’re taking the right approach: get the song down cold so you won’t get derailed easily during the performance. While you’re singing it don’t distract yourself with fond memories of the departed, because that can bring on cascades of tears. So save that for when you’re done with your singing. Hope this helps.
Wade Hampton Miller

Thanks, Wade -- yes, I think you nailed the key there. Even practicing, I find that thinking of him is definitely not the place to go; think of Other Things, stay focused on the song, etc. Good point.

[woodbox]

Hey Sean,
tough gig for sure.
But, you’re a pro, you’ll handle it.

When I’ve had to fill a similar role, I simply closed my eyes and focused on the song, not the collective energy of the room.

At another.. where I had been close to the person.. I looked out ABOVE the crowd.. avoiding eye contact with anyone.
All was fine till I was distracted by a sob coming from the sister in the front row.
Instinctively, I looked at her, and lost it.

What happened next was magic-
Because I had practiced, my fingers kept moving, so I looked at all the folks in the room and said:
“Okay, you’re gonna have to help me now.”
And they started singing it with me.
I say singing, but it was more a whisper, and the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard.
It was the hardest, and the best, music I’ve ever been part of.

And I’m certain you will do just fine Sean.

[Tahitijack]

At my father's grave, alone with just my wife, I played a song he liked...Dust In The Wind.