Forty Years Ago

[Bob Womack]

I remember it being a clear warm morning in New Jersey. Despite being a Tennessee boy I started my day in Colonial Westfield, New Jersey, alone. I had light breakfast, got myself together, put on my suit, and walked next door to the church at around 10:30am. My father pulled me aside and said, "This is your day. Enjoy it. Decide to let everything go and just concentrate on enjoying your day." So, I was completely relaxed.

Now, the suit was important to the day. It was a morning suit, a tuxedo. This particular morning I was going to this little church in the shadow of the Watchung Mountains in order to marry to my college sweetheart. She was (and is) a beautiful, tiny thing, standing only 5'1". We were both very young, she a month short of twenty and I, twenty three. It sounds strange in this day and age but we were determined to build a wonderful marriage and that was the way it was done back then. We were both still in school. My father wore a suit identical to mine and served as my best man.

My young bride-to-be was bombarded by stress as her mother obsessed about the details: "Why aren't the flowers here?" "Oh, my gosh, my dress turned out Hari-Krishna orange instead of peach and my corsage is the same color!" And then: "BOB HASN'T ARRIVED AT THE CHURCH!" Now, that last report suffered mostly from a lack of specificity: one of the guys in my party was my college roommate. We shared a first name. He took a wrong turn and ended up stranded in the median of eight-lane Route 22 when the differential in his VW stripped out. There he stood in his tux with his thumb out and his fiance' on his arm. Who says the people of New Jersey are nasty? Within a minute a lady stopped, took one sharp look at his tux, and said, "You are in trouble." She graciously drove him forty-five minutes out of her way, back to the church. But for a while there it was all hands on deck because "BOB HASN'T ARRIVED AT THE CHURCH!" while I sat thirty feet away.

I was pretty much able to ignore it when the organist butchered up my selections of Baroque classics and hymns. I looked the other way when the air conditioning in the chapel croaked and spilled a couple of gallons of condensate from the vent all over the stage just before the service began. The janitor ran out and mopped it up. I didn't even notice when the flowers didn't arrive until the crowd was seated and waiting and a sweaty lady ran out and decorated the chapel in front of everyone. I just put on my boutonniere and waited patiently.

And then she came up the aisle and I boggled because she was absolutely gorgeous. I mean really so, like a china doll. I had a sloppy grin of gratitude on my face, thinking, "Wow! I am going to be wed to this beauty?" I barely remember anything except looking into her eyes and marveling. We had a reception at the church and then left for a dinner in a far away part of New Jersey (Matawan) via the Garden State Parkway. The Parkway was a rolling parking lot full of folks all trying to go "down the shore." The heat mirage rose all around us as the pavement baked under the sun. It was probably 105 degrees in the still air as we waited for small jockying moves. My lovely new bride and I were in air conditioned comfort but my brothers and father sweltered behind us in my VW Beetle that had no air-conditioning. Right about then a group of construction workers next to us looked over and saw our finery. They saluted us gaily and offered us beers from the cooler in their back seat. I thought for a second and then asked them to fade back one car-length and give them to my father and brothers. They did it cheerfully, and pretty soon everyone in the Beetle was cooled off as well.

After the dinner and a round of socializing with the guests it was time for us to leave and start our new life. We boarded my VW and headed out expectantly into the world together. Who could have known that she would wake up sick as a dog the next morning and stay sick for four days? Who could have known that on the next two days we'd find ourselves, hat in hand, in a pair of hotel lobbies where they had given away to other people the honeymoon suites I had reserved and paid for in advance? In Philadelphia we found out that there isn't a room available on a 4th of July weekend. The whole honeymoon went like that, with us being chased back down the Appalachian mountain range by a terrific set of micro-burst storms that destroyed property all around us every night when we stopped. We went home a day early in order to get some rest.

But you know, sometimes early omens can be totally false. We spent the intervening years raising a family, filing off each others' sharp edges, developing our careers, and growing closer and closer together. Every time I stop to think about it I am amazed at how courageous my young bride was to leave her home and family in Jew Jersey and follow me to the South to set up our life together. Every time I think about it I am amazed that she had the guts to support me as I made a career in recording. In a wacky life she's been the steady, reliable force beside me.

I have learned so much about bravery, sweetness, steadfastness, industry, and kindness, from this lady. And all the while, those beautiful eyes have watched me flounder through life like a fish out of water. My love, thank you for being by my side all these years, to have, to hold, to lean on, and to cherish.

Bob

[GCWaters]

Beautiful, Bob—happy anniversary to both of you!

[RP]

Very cute, but where's the AFTER picture???

[6L6]

Congratulations, Bob!

My wife and I celebrated #51 this year. When you get the right woman the first time around as we both clearly did, it makes for an incredibly fulfilling life.

[Kerbie]

Congrats, Bob... very happy for you!

[Fretboard Phil]

Happy Anniversary and thanks for sharing.

[The Growler]

Happy Anniversary Bob! Congratulations!

[Riverwolf]

I am hitting the "LIKE" button.

[TBman]

Congrats to you and your wife Bob!

[KenL]

Nice write-up, I enjoyed that. Congrats!

Ain't life grand? When you've found the right girl, that is.

[rmp]

40 years is an accomplishment.

Congrats!

We're on year 43. I don't know what my life would be like with out her. I'm sure you can relate...

[Ludere]

Beautifully written, Bob.
And clearly well-chosen.

You are truly a very rich man ...

Congratulations!

~ Paul

[TomB'sox]

Can we get her perspective now please

Congrats for sure.

[KevWind]

Congrats to you and your lady. 40 years is long time and in the modern era, 20 is indeed very young, so a double salute.


It does seem a bit strange and no doubt varied, as to what actually works in marriages. But I can't help but feel there are probably 4 key and somewhat universal ingredients .

I think as a couple not only do you need to be lovers, and for sure best friends, and be willing to compromise ,,,,,but also one more I think that is perhaps sometimes, (in the thrall of the other three) may not be as obvious , and that is a common overall goal in life and where you hope the joint journey will lead. But I feel it is this common goal that makes the first three more attainable and sustainable.
AND
Because sometimes circumstances and even goals do change, it is first three, that help keep the ship sailing forward towards a new common destination. At least that is what I attribute to my and my wife's 38 years, and going strong.

Again congratulations

[raysachs]

Congratulations Bob... A good marriage is something to savor, because so many aren't. I've also been very fortunate - we'll be celebrating 35 years next month. And like most who've made it this far, I can't imagine my life without her. Or without the two daughters we had together who are really wonderful young women at this point, one married (last year) and now pregnant, the other recently engaged to her long time boyfriend. Both found wonderful guys, are gainfully employed, and are just a delight to spend time with. Life has it's trials, but when you get to go through it with someone you both like and love, it's awfully sweet too.

-Ray