The Acoustic Guitar Forum

Go Back   The Acoustic Guitar Forum > Other Discussions > Open Mic

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #31  
Old 05-08-2022, 12:49 PM
jseth jseth is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Oregon... "Heart of the Valley"...
Posts: 10,111
Default

How many session guitarists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

10... 1 to screw the lightbulb and 9 others to say, "I could do that..."

How many smarmy producers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

(Puts arm around your shoulders and says) "I don't know - what do you think?

The difference between a banjo and a trampoline?

Well, you take your shoes OFF to jump on a trampoline...

The difference between a banjo and a chainsaw?

Well, the chain saw has a dynamic range... AND an off/on switch...


Just a couple more to fuel the fire!
__________________
"It's said that everything happens for a reason;
When one door closes, another door will open.
The Book says, 'To everything there is a season',
and this season is mine,
at least that's what I'm hopin'... "

"A Little More (Love, Grace, Freedom and Peace)" (J.S.Sherman)
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 05-08-2022, 12:56 PM
Silly Moustache Silly Moustache is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: The Isle of Albion
Posts: 19,786
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by tbeltrans View Post
A bass player runs into a bar where the guitar player and the singer are busy setting up.

Breathless, he says "We've got a big problem! I locked my keys in the van!"

"Whatever, man" says the singer, "We've got a gig to do, we'll worry about it later."

"No, you don't understand" said the bassist, "the drummer is trapped inside!"

Tony
Aha! first one I hadn't heard! good one!
__________________
Silly Moustache,
Elderly singer, guitarist, dobrolist and mandolinist.
I'm here to help and advise only

By request, I offer one to one lessons/meetings/mentoring via Zoom! See: https://www.acousticguitarforum.com/...d.php?t=589058

https://www.youtube.com/user/SillyMoustache/videos
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 05-16-2022, 11:03 AM
tinnitus tinnitus is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2019
Location: Forest Grove, OR
Posts: 941
Default

Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 05-16-2022, 01:08 PM
RJVB RJVB is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: La Ferté Milon, France
Posts: 849
Default

The email notification of your message was more intriguing!

Quote:
Originally Posted by tinnitus View Post
UCBkj5fO4k4
__________________
Pickle: Gretsch G9240 "Alligator" wood-body resonator wearing nylguts (China, 2018?)
Dumbo: Seagull Performer CW mini-jumbo (Canada, 20??)
Stanley: The Loar LH-650 (China, 2017)
Bolink baroque violin (Hilversum, 1982)
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 05-17-2022, 05:12 AM
Slothead56 Slothead56 is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: SE PA
Posts: 2,320
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by jseth View Post

The difference between a banjo and a trampoline?

Well, you take your shoes OFF to jump on a trampoline...
Comedy gold!
__________________
Please note: higher than average likelihood that any post by me is going to lean heavily on sarcasm. Just so we’re clear...
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 05-17-2022, 06:12 AM
fpuhan fpuhan is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Northern Virginia, USA
Posts: 455
Default

__________________
I own 36 guitars. Most are made of wood. Some are not.
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 05-17-2022, 12:27 PM
frankmcr frankmcr is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 4,179
Default

How do you transcribe a violin piece for viola?

Divide the metronome marking by 2!
__________________
per mare per terras

Last edited by frankmcr; 05-17-2022 at 05:25 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 05-17-2022, 01:16 PM
tbeltrans tbeltrans is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Twin Cities
Posts: 7,430
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by jseth View Post
How many session guitarists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

10... 1 to screw the lightbulb and 9 others to say, "I could do that..."

How many smarmy producers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

(Puts arm around your shoulders and says) "I don't know - what do you think?

The difference between a banjo and a trampoline?

Well, you take your shoes OFF to jump on a trampoline...

The difference between a banjo and a chainsaw?

Well, the chain saw has a dynamic range... AND an off/on switch...


Just a couple more to fuel the fire!
Now I know that the woman down the hall from me is definitely not a banjo player because she has a little sign on her door saying "Thank you for removing your shoes".

Tony
__________________
“The guitar is a wonderful thing which is understood by few.”
— Franz Schubert
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 05-30-2022, 03:58 PM
Charmed Life Picks's Avatar
Charmed Life Picks Charmed Life Picks is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 8,209
Default

What do you call a hundred banjo players at the bottom of the sea?

A good start.
__________________
CHARMED LIFE PICKS
Celebrating Six Years in Business!
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 05-31-2022, 12:04 PM
jseth jseth is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Oregon... "Heart of the Valley"...
Posts: 10,111
Default

Q? How long does it take to tune a banjo?

A: No one knows.... (rim shot!)


So, an Irish folksinger walks out of a bar....

Hey! It could happen...
__________________
"It's said that everything happens for a reason;
When one door closes, another door will open.
The Book says, 'To everything there is a season',
and this season is mine,
at least that's what I'm hopin'... "

"A Little More (Love, Grace, Freedom and Peace)" (J.S.Sherman)
Reply With Quote
  #41  
Old 06-02-2022, 05:46 PM
Stringmaster Stringmaster is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 517
Default

An accordion band finally lands a gig, and on New Years Eve no less. The venue owner likes them and ask if they are available to play on the next New Years Eve. The band’s manager replies, “Yes we are, do you mid if we leave our stuff here?”
Reply With Quote
Reply

  The Acoustic Guitar Forum > Other Discussions > Open Mic

Thread Tools





All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:37 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, vBulletin Solutions Inc.
Copyright ©2000 - 2022, The Acoustic Guitar Forum
vB Ad Management by =RedTyger=