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  #16  
Old 04-25-2017, 06:52 PM
stormin1155 stormin1155 is offline
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Young Johnny decides he wants to learn bass, and after some pleading talks his mom into it. So they go to the local music store to buy him a bass rig and sign him up for bass lessons with Bob the bass teacher.

First lesson: Bob, "Johnny, you see that thickest string on the top? That's the E string. Hit it! .....Good. Now go home and practice that and I'll see you next week."

One week later... second lesson: Bob, "Hi Johnny, how did your practice go?" Johnny, "Fine." Bob, "Great! Now you see that second biggest string right below the E string? That's the A string. Hit it! ... Good. Now go home and practice that and I'll see you next week."

Next week Bob waits for Johnny, and he doesn't show. Finally he calls and Johnny's mom answers, "Oh, I'm so sorry, I should have called you. Johnny joined a band and is out on tour."
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  #17  
Old 04-25-2017, 07:18 PM
chitz chitz is offline
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What do you call a guitar player wearing a suit & tie?




The defendant.
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  #18  
Old 04-25-2017, 07:22 PM
DupleMeter DupleMeter is offline
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Okay here we go:

2 guys were walking down the street. One was a musician, the other didn't have any money either!

Q: What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
A: Drool!

Q: How do you know when a singer as at the door?
A: He can't find the key & doesn't know when to come in!

Q: How do you get a guitarist to turn down?
A: Put sheet music in front of him!

Q: What's the difference between a dead 'possum & a a dead trombonist lying in the road?
A: The 'possum was probably on his way to a gig!

Q: Why are conductor's hearts so coveted for transplants?
A: Because they're barely used!

Q: What do you call a thousand accordions at the bottom of the sea?
A: A good start!

Q: What's the difference between a jazz guitarist & a rock guitarist?
A: The jazz guitarist plays thousands of chords for three people, while the rock guitarist plays three chords for thousands of people!

and lastly:

The guitarist comes back from break to find the bass player beating the tar out of a kid. He rushes over to separate the two and, grabbing the bassist by the collar, yells "what in the world are you doing! What's going on here!". The bassist replies "I was just sitting here, minding my own business when this kid came over and detuned one of the strings on my bass!" The guitarist pauses for a moment, a little confused, and states, "well, that's no reason to start hitting him", to which the bassist responds "sure it is...he won't tell me which one!"

Ill be here all week...try the veal!
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  #19  
Old 04-25-2017, 07:53 PM
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Godfather Godfather is offline
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What is the definition of perfect pitch?



A banjo hitting an accordion on the bottom of a dumpster.
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  #20  
Old 04-25-2017, 08:29 PM
macmanmatty macmanmatty is offline
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Q:how do you a drummer to leave you house?

A: Pay for the pizza

Q: You see and banjo and a accordian in the road whoch one do you hit?

A: The banjo business before pleasure!

Q: Question what kind of pickup do you put on a bagpipe?

A: an F-150

Q: How do you tell if someone plays bass?

A: They can't count higher than four.
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  #21  
Old 04-25-2017, 08:37 PM
superfluidity superfluidity is offline
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Q: What's the difference between a guitarist and God?
A: God doesn't think he's a guitarist.
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  #22  
Old 04-25-2017, 09:19 PM
Steve DeRosa Steve DeRosa is offline
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"Welcome to Heaven - here's your harp"...
"Welcome to Hades - here's your accordion"...
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  #23  
Old 04-26-2017, 02:41 AM
Ozzy the dog Ozzy the dog is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheJackal View Post

What do you get when you drop a banjo down a mine shaft?

A flat minor.
I used to be a miner and I must take offence sir! How could you suggest such a terrible murder weapon?
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  #24  
Old 04-26-2017, 05:07 AM
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colins colins is offline
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What’s the difference between a banjo and a lawnmower?
You can tune a lawnmower.

What is the definition of a real gentleman?
Someone who can play the banjo…..and doesn’t.

How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to say they could have done it better.
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  #25  
Old 04-26-2017, 05:26 AM
MikeBodd MikeBodd is offline
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What's the difference between a bassist and a pizza?....
A pizza can feed a family of 4. Lol

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  #26  
Old 04-26-2017, 05:59 AM
LSemmens LSemmens is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chitz View Post
What do you call a guitar player wearing a suit & tie?




The defendant.
Hey! I resemble that!
(Not the defendant bit - I've not long gotten home from a funeral and have yet to take off my suit and tie.)
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  #27  
Old 04-26-2017, 06:00 AM
TRW1 TRW1 is offline
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A guitarist, a bass player, and a drummer are all riding in a car together. Who is the driver?

The cop.
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  #28  
Old 04-26-2017, 07:05 AM
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guitargabor guitargabor is offline
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A bagpipe player is busking on a street corner with a sign that reads:

"Pay or I'll play..."


Gabe
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  #29  
Old 04-26-2017, 07:54 AM
pdidmh1 pdidmh1 is offline
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What is the difference between a banjo and a harmonica?

A harmonica sucks every other note.
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  #30  
Old 04-26-2017, 09:35 AM
DanR DanR is offline
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What's the difference between an accordion and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off to jump on the trampoline...
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