Fear of Failure

Originally Posted by Glennwillow

Hi Doug,

I am really sorry to hear about your difficult history. Nobody should have to go through that, though if the truth be known, many, many people here on the AGF and elsewhere in life could tell a similar story of abuse and bullying. Hopefully now in your adult life, with your supportive wife and family, you are slowly getting over this long trauma.

But let me assure you, you are accepted here on the AGF. You are most certainly a big part of the AGF and if you weren't showing up here, people would start asking after you -- where is Doug? Is he doing okay?

Really! I am absolutely sure of this!

Also, you have contributed a great deal to the Show & Tell section of this forum. So you have been very prolific, which tells me you are made of some pretty stern stuff.

So please don't let this past get in the way of your today or your future. I know it's easy for me to say that... But my hope for you is that you will try to live in the present and know how much you are valued.

Take care Doug!

- Glenn

Originally Posted by nightchef

I hear you, dude. I had a better time at home, but I was bullied relentlessly by my peers from about age 8 to 12. I too came out of it with a deep reluctance to call attention to myself and risk rejection. And yes, being able to laugh at ourselves and the world is a crucial survival skill. Rock on!

Thank you guys.

[lweb10]

I think, for some, it can also be a fear of exposure, of revealing more than is comfortable. I really like this quote - although it is about writing it certainly applies to any creative endeavor.

“Whatever you describe to another person is also a revelation of who you are and who you think you are. You cannot describe anything without betraying your point of view, your aspirations, your fears, your hopes. Everything.”
JAMES BALDWIN

[Glennwillow]

Originally Posted by lweb10

I think, for some, it can also be a fear of exposure, of revealing more than is comfortable. I really like this quote - although it is about writing it certainly applies to any creative endeavor.

“Whatever you describe to another person is also a revelation of who you are and who you think you are. You cannot describe anything without betraying your point of view, your aspirations, your fears, your hopes. Everything.”
JAMES BALDWIN

HI Lweb10,

Very interesting comment!

It is true: some of us are much more guarded about our privacy and who we are than others. And those who are much more guarded are going to be much more reluctant to expose themselves to ridicule or criticism by stepping out into some new frontier.

Thanks for your thoughts!

- Glenn

[jp2558]

Getting it wrong is the only way to learn how to get it right - otherwise you don't learn anything.

Steven Stills in Southern Cross: "We were never afraid to fail, it was the easiest thing to do."

[Glennwillow]

Originally Posted by jp2558

Getting it wrong is the only way to learn how to get it right - otherwise you don't learn anything.

Steven Stills in Southern Cross: "We were never afraid to fail, it was the easiest thing to do."

Yep!

- Glenn

[islandguitar]

Great thread, Glenn and thanks for sharing your thoughts/feelings on this! I do share many of these same items as I move along with "my stuff". However, a little different stance is that I willing jump into a project, and then part way in, wonder what I've done to myself! So, for me it's not a question of starting, but one of "holy crap, how am I gonna get out of this"! Not finishing, or completing, isn't an option in my mind. Am I good enough for this............sometimes, not so sure.
This could be a passage that I compose, but find it pretty challenging to play which brings doubts about my abilities to actually play and record successfully what I've created. At other times, pushing through getting material lined up for a project (CD's in particular).........I have come to understand how different folks react to my tunes as they inject thoughtful responses based on their own life experiences and musical tastes, but always lurking will be the little voice saying, "Is anybody really going to like this"? Even though this is all for my own enjoyment, I still find that I want to put things out there...some nice folks both here and in my family have sustained me in doing this! Thank you!!

[Glennwillow]

Originally Posted by islandguitar

Great thread, Glenn and thanks for sharing your thoughts/feelings on this! I do share many of these same items as I move along with "my stuff". However, a little different stance is that I willing jump into a project, and then part way in, wonder what I've done to myself! So, for me it's not a question of starting, but one of "holy crap, how am I gonna get out of this"! Not finishing, or completing, isn't an option in my mind. Am I good enough for this............sometimes, not so sure.
This could be a passage that I compose, but find it pretty challenging to play which brings doubts about my abilities to actually play and record successfully what I've created. At other times, pushing through getting material lined up for a project (CD's in particular).........I have come to understand how different folks react to my tunes as they inject thoughtful responses based on their own life experiences and musical tastes, but always lurking will be the little voice saying, "Is anybody really going to like this"? Even though this is all for my own enjoyment, I still find that I want to put things out there...some nice folks both here and in my family have sustained me in doing this! Thank you!!

Hi Fred,

Yes, I very much identify with your thoughts and comments!

Is it worth it, all this work and all this personal exposure? Will anyone care?

Am I good enough to hold this stuff out in front of others as some kind of art? You know,... Who am I kidding?

Yes, I know all those feelings!

Thanks for your thoughts Fred!

- Glenn

[reeve21]

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/v...=pocket-newtab

[Glennwillow]

Originally Posted by reeve21

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/v...=pocket-newtab

Hi Bob,

Thanks for this reminder. I have seen the referenced article before but had forgotten about it. This opening paragraph from that article is really powerful:

“Everyone in this room is going to be gone pretty quickly — and we will have either made something or not made something. The artists that inspire me are the ones that I look at and go, ‘Oh my god — you didn’t have to go there. It would’v been safer not to — but, for whatever reason, you did.’ And every time death happens, I’m reminded that it’s stupid to be safe… Usually, whatever that is — wherever you don’t want to go, whatever that risk is, wherever the unsafe place is — that really is the gift that you have to give.”

- Glenn

[reeve21]

Originally Posted by Glennwillow

Hi Bob,

Thanks for this reminder. I have seen the referenced article before but had forgotten about it. This opening paragraph from that article is really powerful:

“Everyone in this room is going to be gone pretty quickly — and we will have either made something or not made something. The artists that inspire me are the ones that I look at and go, ‘Oh my god — you didn’t have to go there. It would’v been safer not to — but, for whatever reason, you did.’ And every time death happens, I’m reminded that it’s stupid to be safe… Usually, whatever that is — wherever you don’t want to go, whatever that risk is, wherever the unsafe place is — that really is the gift that you have to give.”

- Glenn

Hi Glenn,

Here's one from another visual artist that applies to making music, too.

Maurice Sendak, on how to make art:

"Herman Melville said that artists have to take a dive, and either you hit your head on a rock and it splits your skull and you die, or, that blow to your head is so inspiring that you come back up and you do the best work you ever did. But—you have to take the dive. And you do not know what the result will be.

Artistic style is only a means to an end, and the more styles you have, the better. To get trapped in a style is to lose all flexibility. If you have only one style, then you’re going to do the same book over and over, which is pretty dull. Lots of styles permit you to walk in and out of books. So, develop a fine style, a fat style, and fairly slim style, and a really rough style."

More here:

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/m...=pocket-newtab

I don't look for these things, they pop up on my Firefox homepage

[BrunoBlack]

Interesting thoughts. Glenn, this article might not hit the bulls eye you intended in your OP, but reading this article today made me think about this thread. The title — Tim Cook Just Explained a Brutal Truth About Failure That Most People Never Acknowledge, Success isn't the opposite of failure. It's often the result of failing the right way.

https://www.inc.com/jason-aten/tim-c...knowledge.html

[rollypolly]

lots of great advice here from people with way more experience than me. That's why I love this forum and finally joined a few weeks ago.

I can only add that I've learned to expect to suck at a new challenge, like a song for example, but after a few weeks of practicing for at least 1-2 hours at it, it starts to sound like something decent, then it becomes part of my repertoire and I know it was worth it. Also, don't be too hard on yourself, and enjoy the process.

[Charmed Life Picks]

Glen, I can really relate. For most of my life I was a horrible perfectionist and beat myself up needlessly for any mistakes I made. It ended up really squelching any creative output. Then, somehow, about ten years ago, I began letting go of that and really letting it rip. It really liberated me.

The best thing I ever read that helped me break free is a famous book by Natalie Goldberg about the writing process. Although it's mainly about writing prose, it helped me enormously in grad school and also helps my students when writing essays.

The book is called WRITING DOWN THE BONES, and the sequel WRITING FROM WILD MIND is very good also. These have both been out for more than 20 years, so you should be able to find a good used copy for cheap.

Break a Leg!
Scott Memmer

[gfspencer]

Originally Posted by Jim Owen

Hi Glenn,

I reckon I do. About ten years ago, when I was in charge of shepherding new colleagues into academia, I led a book group dedicated to a text called Advice for New Faculty Members. The author (Boyce) spent some chapters on writing for academic conferences and journals. He had advice that I follow to this day—and it directly applies to my guitar playing.

Start before you’re ready.
Quit before you’re done.
Work in short daily intervals.

If I wait til I’m ready to practice, it ain’t gonna happen.
In days of old, I would extend practice sessions (and burn out on my project such that I would wait days to get back to it. Or just drop it.)

The short daily intervals work effectively for me. It’s hard to carve out big chunks of time.

So that eases my anxiety over a big project.

Excellent advice. Thank you.

[Glennwillow]

Originally Posted by reeve21

Hi Glenn,

Here's one from another visual artist that applies to making music, too.

Maurice Sendak, on how to make art:

"Herman Melville said that artists have to take a dive, and either you hit your head on a rock and it splits your skull and you die, or, that blow to your head is so inspiring that you come back up and you do the best work you ever did. But—you have to take the dive. And you do not know what the result will be.

Artistic style is only a means to an end, and the more styles you have, the better. To get trapped in a style is to lose all flexibility. If you have only one style, then you’re going to do the same book over and over, which is pretty dull. Lots of styles permit you to walk in and out of books. So, develop a fine style, a fat style, and fairly slim style, and a really rough style."

More here:

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/m...=pocket-newtab

I don't look for these things, they pop up on my Firefox homepage

Hi Bob,

Interesting stuff from Maurice Sendak and Herman Mellville, too.

I have read a lot of interesting, quick essays from The Pocket, too. I've been surprised by how many interesting things I've encountered.

- Glenn