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  #1  
Old 03-15-2020, 01:34 PM
DaveKell DaveKell is offline
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Location: Ft. Worth, Texas
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Default LATE HEARTBREAKER

Still trying to decide how I feel about this one. I'm thinking of this as a primitive rock piece (if that's even a thing!)
I hear a Rod Stewart vibe in my mind with this one.
LATE HEARTBREAKER
1.
Her love is nothin' but a
game of dirty pool
Stringin' you along she
makes ya feel cool
With her sights set on
a maximum effect
Of breakin' your heart,
leavin' you a wreck

CHORUS
SHE'S A LATE HEARTBREAKER
DOWN TO THE LAST MINUTE
LATE HEARTBREAKER, THAT'S
HOW SHE'LL WIN IT
LATE HEARTBREAKER, SHE
HAS TO MAKE A SCENE
LATE HEARTBREAKER, SHE'S
A HEARTBREAKER MACHINE

2.
There ain't no doubt she's
beyond the beyonds
A suntanned body, she's
a natural blonde
Struttin' on legs that
reach to the ceiling
Everything about her is
downright appealing

BRIDGE
You think you can win her but
there's a price to pay
Nothin' you can ever do will
get her to stay
She lives to dump ya and
leave ya heartbroke
Playin' down to the wire that's
her masterstroke

CHORUS
SHE'S A LATE HEARTBREAKER
DOWN TO THE LAST MINUTE
LATE HEARTBREAKER, THAT'S
HOW SHE'LL WIN IT
LATE HEARTBREAKER, SHE
HAS TO MAKE A SCENE
LATE HEARTBREAKER, SHE'S
A HEARTBREAKER MACHINE
__________________
1972 Yamaha FG200 (shop guitar)
1982 commissioned Kazuo Yairi DY90
2015 Martin HD28 VTS custom shop
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  #2  
Old 03-21-2020, 11:55 AM
DaveKell DaveKell is offline
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Location: Ft. Worth, Texas
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Default

As an example of how my lyrics can evolve with revision and editing, I'm posting the final version of this song. This takes into account a few suggestions I got on a songwriter forum. Having anyone understand the concept of someone being "late with breaking a heart" was a stretch at best. Instead of scrapping all elements of this song entirely, I took some of the best ideas and completely changes the ideas contained in the original lyrics. The title changed to NATURAL FOOL as well. I'm finally happy with this!

NATURAL FOOL

1.
There's no doubt she's beyond the beyonds
A suntanned body, she's a natural blonde
Struttin' on legs that reach to the ceiling
Everything about her is vastly appealing

2.
Guys wanna win her, there's a price to pay
No man was ever able to get her to stay
She lives to end it & leave 'em heartbroke
Stringin' 'em along that's her masterstroke

(CHORUS)
SHE SEDUCES WITH AN AURA OF CHARM & MYSTERY
SHE'S JUST LIKE EVERY FEMME FATALE IN HISTORY
HER LOVE IS NOTHIN' BUT A GAME OF DIRTY POOL
SHE LIVES TO TURN A MAN INTO A NATURAL FOOL
SHE LIVES TO TURN A MAN INTO A NATURAL FOOL

3.
You're thinkin' that it can never happen to you
Givin' it your all, that's the best you can do
But when her mind is on a maximum effect
Her only desire is just to leave ya a wreck
You'll be next to star in her favorite scene, where
She gets to show she's a heartbreak machine

(BRIDGE)
Go for it brother, give it your best shot
She's only 'bout to tie ya up in a knot
You're just gonna have yourself to blame
When you get yourself caught up in her game

(CHORUS)
SHE SEDUCES WITH AN AURA OF CHARM & MYSTERY
SHE'S JUST LIKE EVERY FEMME FATALE IN HISTORY
HER LOVE IS NOTHIN' BUT A GAME OF DIRTY POOL
SHE LIVES TO TURN A MAN INTO A NATURAL FOOL
SHE LIVES TO TURN A MAN INTO A NATURAL FOOL
__________________
1972 Yamaha FG200 (shop guitar)
1982 commissioned Kazuo Yairi DY90
2015 Martin HD28 VTS custom shop
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  #3  
Old 03-23-2020, 07:07 AM
jaymarsch jaymarsch is offline
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I read your most recent post before the first one and when I read your lyrics, I was getting a Rod Stewart vibe. So, you sure got that across in the rhythm of the lyrics. I hope that you can post a recording.

Best,
Jayne
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  #4  
Old 03-23-2020, 01:31 PM
rockabilly69 rockabilly69 is offline
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Location: Ogden, Utah
Posts: 4,062
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveKell View Post
As an example of how my lyrics can evolve with revision and editing, I'm posting the final version of this song. This takes into account a few suggestions I got on a songwriter forum. Having anyone understand the concept of someone being "late with breaking a heart" was a stretch at best. Instead of scrapping all elements of this song entirely, I took some of the best ideas and completely changes the ideas contained in the original lyrics. The title changed to NATURAL FOOL as well. I'm finally happy with this!

NATURAL FOOL

1.
There's no doubt she's beyond the beyonds
A suntanned body, she's a natural blonde
Struttin' on legs that reach to the ceiling
Everything about her is vastly appealing

2.
Guys wanna win her, there's a price to pay
No man was ever able to get her to stay
She lives to end it & leave 'em heartbroke
Stringin' 'em along that's her masterstroke

(CHORUS)
SHE SEDUCES WITH AN AURA OF CHARM & MYSTERY
SHE'S JUST LIKE EVERY FEMME FATALE IN HISTORY
HER LOVE IS NOTHIN' BUT A GAME OF DIRTY POOL
SHE LIVES TO TURN A MAN INTO A NATURAL FOOL
SHE LIVES TO TURN A MAN INTO A NATURAL FOOL

3.
You're thinkin' that it can never happen to you
Givin' it your all, that's the best you can do
But when her mind is on a maximum effect
Her only desire is just to leave ya a wreck
You'll be next to star in her favorite scene, where
She gets to show she's a heartbreak machine

(BRIDGE)
Go for it brother, give it your best shot
She's only 'bout to tie ya up in a knot
You're just gonna have yourself to blame
When you get yourself caught up in her game

(CHORUS)
SHE SEDUCES WITH AN AURA OF CHARM & MYSTERY
SHE'S JUST LIKE EVERY FEMME FATALE IN HISTORY
HER LOVE IS NOTHIN' BUT A GAME OF DIRTY POOL
SHE LIVES TO TURN A MAN INTO A NATURAL FOOL
SHE LIVES TO TURN A MAN INTO A NATURAL FOOL
Have you recorded a demo of this yet?
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  #5  
Old 03-25-2020, 11:11 AM
DaveKell DaveKell is offline
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Location: Ft. Worth, Texas
Posts: 1,358
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Here's the rough garage recorded demo
https://soundcloud.com/user-566557345/natural-fool
__________________
1972 Yamaha FG200 (shop guitar)
1982 commissioned Kazuo Yairi DY90
2015 Martin HD28 VTS custom shop
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  #6  
Old 03-26-2020, 10:21 PM
jaymarsch jaymarsch is offline
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Location: North of the Golden Gate, South of the Redwoods, East of the Pacific and West of the Sierras
Posts: 10,569
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveKell View Post
Here's the rough garage recorded demo

https://soundcloud.com/user-566557345/natural-fool

Thanks for posting this. I enjoyed listening to it.

Best,
Jayne
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  #7  
Old 03-26-2020, 11:12 PM
DaveKell DaveKell is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ft. Worth, Texas
Posts: 1,358
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This song has been keeping me awake at night. Something was off with even the first revision. I felt like it was demanding to be rewritten from a very different slant. This is the first time I’ve ever used the lyrics from a song to completely write another song! I had comments about the term “heartbreak machine “ when I played it for people and that seemed to be where the emphasis was supposed to be. So, here is the final version titled Heartbreak Machine. I’ll record this soon and post it. My video of it is getting a lot more response than the first version did. I’m glad this is the first time I’ve encountered this need and hope it doesn’t become a new normal!

There ain't no doubt she's
beyond the beyonds
A slim, tanned beauty, she's
a natural blonde
She's seductive with a touch
of charm & mystery
She's the worst heartbreaker
in history

Stringin' men along has to be
her masterstroke
Doin' her level best to
leave 'em heartbroke
She's the worst love disaster
anybody ever seen
She's a world class livin'
heartbreak machine

(CHORUS)
HER LOVE AIN'T NOTHIN' BUT
A GAME OF DIRTY POOL
SHE CAN TURN ANY MAN INTO
A NATURAL FOOL
SHE LIVES TO STAR IN HER
FAVORITE SCENE
WHERE SHE GET TO SHOW SHE'S
A HEARTBREAK MACHINE
SHE OUGHTA WIN AN OSCAR
ON THE SILVER SCREEN
WITH HER REAL LIFE ACT OF
A HEARTBREAK MACHINE

Men all wish she was the one
they were datin'
I'm here to warn she's a daughter
of Satan
She struts around on legs that
reach to the ceilin'
Everything about her seems so
vastly appealin'

(BRIDGE)
I learned firsthand there's a huge price to pay
I thought my tears would never go away
I fell hard when I looked in her blue eyes
I rained like dark clouds up in the skies (CHORUS)
__________________
1972 Yamaha FG200 (shop guitar)
1982 commissioned Kazuo Yairi DY90
2015 Martin HD28 VTS custom shop
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  #8  
Old 03-29-2020, 10:13 AM
DaveKell DaveKell is offline
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Location: Ft. Worth, Texas
Posts: 1,358
Default

https://soundcloud.com/user-56655734...tbreak-machine
Here’s rough demo of final version of lyrics
__________________
1972 Yamaha FG200 (shop guitar)
1982 commissioned Kazuo Yairi DY90
2015 Martin HD28 VTS custom shop
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